Monday, February 28, 2005

Every little thing...

I went to the store to buy chapstick as my lips were cracked, broken and more painful than a paper cut on the inside of your ass. While I was there I picked up some oranges, some eggs and a few other things I needed. Normally, I go to an aisle with a cashier because I don't like checking myself out at the grocery store. While the self-checkout is a great invention the more I use it, the more I feel like I am putting someone out of work. As soon as I walked into a line, the cashier shut her light off and told me she would not be able to ring me out. I had a rather bad day at the Agency and really wasn't in the mood to argue, so I went to check myself out.

Everything was going along nice and smooth and I was actually glad I didn't cause anyone undue grief by bitching about the cashier closing on me. I finished scanning the last of my items and was meer minutes away from being out the door, when the fucking chapstick wouldn't scan.

not once...

not twice...

there was no third time charm. Before I knew what was going on, I heard the dreaded announcement from the computer,"Help is required with this item, assistance is on the way." "It's just chapstick for Christsake", I said and scanned the retail horizon for the "assistance" that was "on the way". Low and behold my patience was rewarded with the most beautiful girl in the world. The cashier coming over to assist me is the one I have been in love with for a long time now. It will be a sad day when she leaves. Until now, we have never spoke and I have admired her from afar. I would be lying if I said my heart didn't speed up a bit.

She came over and smiled and asked if I needed help, just like in those really cheesy commercials. "Yes" I replied. "I can't get this chapstick to ring in." I was surprised at how calmly and smoothly the words came out of my mouth. Normally, I would have said the same sentence but it would have been followed by, "I like to fart in the're pretty." Gratefully, my brain was asleep. She took the chapstick from my hands and her fingers flew over the touchpad screen. She was standing close enough for me to be able to smell her shampoo, perfume, etc., yet not close enough for me to be thought of as Stalker Steve.

I inhaled and was treated to a melange of olfactory goodness. She smelled wonderful and the only thing that came to mind were honeysuckle kittens. It was such an intoxicating yet light scent that within a few seconds I was drunk. She finished working her front end supervisor magic and was on her way. I came down from cloud 13, bagged my groceries and left. I floated to my car with a fucking stupid grin on my face and managed to navigate safely home.

and yes, I still hate shopping for groceries.

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