Saturday, February 11, 2006

Fuck Snow...


Don't worry Jonny, we haven't sold out. Yet again another weekend where the prospect of getting out and doing things is foiled by an oncoming ass-fuck of snow. There are worse things I know, but being stuck in the house due to injury, I am going a bit fucking stir crazy. I mean there are only so many books one can read, video games one can play and movies (dirty or otherwise) one can watch, before you wake up everyday with a headache, a hard-on and a case of playstation thumb.

Friends, Romans and countrypeoeple have all asked if I have seen the Doppler radar report of the impending doom. If I had, I might be motivated to do something besides sit in front of the computer and bitch. I need to go to the market cause if nothing else, I need more Diet Dr. Pepper. My stomach is not going to let me power through this one on coffee alone. If I tried...I'd probably shit out my lower intestine. Fun, huh? I thought so.

Hmmm. What supplies does one need? I have a couple of cans of soup. I should get some pasta or maybe some of those fucking lean cuisines. The other day I was at the market and I saw two women, at a combine total weight of 2375lbs. filling their cart with those Banquet frozen dinners. A free game of bowling...ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Besides being catastrophically bad for you, just because something is 5-$5, does not mean you have to eat all of them. "NO...NO GET THE CHICKEN...THE FUCKING BBQ CHICKEN!!!"

It's times like these where I have to do everything in my power to not address the situation in the following manner: "Excuse me, fat bitches? Hi, Jackass Jimmy. I couldn't help but overhear your unnecessary use of profanity there a second ago. Over food too, wow...that's wild. I can't help but think land masses like yourselves would not want to draw attention to yourselves. I mean the smell alone is bad enough, but the visuals are well...just horrific. Please keep in mind this is a family market and uses of the words "motherfucker" and "cunt" really are frowned upon. Normally, this is when I say goodbye and walk away as Little Debbie's muffled cries for help try to escape imprisonment between the fat-flaps.

Moving right along...

This morning I went to my favorite all time place for breakfast, Karen's Kitchen. In the heart of Esmond's Mill District, if one chooses to get up early enough, you can have a good breakfast, with coffee and all that shit for about 4 bucks. Suck my filthy dick, Ronald McDonald!

Karen's is only open from 5am till noon and the chances of you being insulted by the staff or hearing some f-bombs being dropped are very good. However, the food is hot & tasty, served quickly and you can get in and out in a half hour, no sweat. This morning I opted for the bacon n' cheese omelet and a glass of milk. Coffee was offered but as previously mentioned, I fear taking a shit and hearing my stomach make the Nestea plunge into the bowl due to the SICK...JUST SICK amount of coffee I have been drinking. It was busy but I still managed to have a good morning meal.

After breakfast, I went and put some $$$ in the bank and then went to see an old friend. There was a gift card I had been saving for awhile. My mood being less than spectacular, a little musical-retail therapy was just what I needed. Like most dudes, I love bestbuy, however I could not deal with the magnitude of clusterfuck that was going to be on a Saturday AM.

So I went to Newbury and had my pick of music, toys, collectibles and any other tchochke shit one could think they need. I go to this store for three reasons.

1. Selection: As far as music stores go, the only place that is going to have more is iTunes, who buy the way "have killed the art of the browse."

2. Prices: Newbury is fair to the consumer and I think their customers show a great deal of loyalty. It's easy to buy from iTunes or just steal shit off of the net, but when you are able to get what you want at a fair price, I don't think you mind spending the cake.

3. Mike Z. : Probably the main reason I still shop at Newbury versus any other chain or major retailer. This dude is the most pretentious, "I weep for your future due to your poor taste in music" head-shaking motherfucker on the planet. I have gone into Newbury to legitimately buy gifts for people and had this guy make me feel like I was purchasing the "kidz bop" catalogue. Let's just say if you were going to buy someone Limp Bizkit for Christmahannakwanzika, this would not be the place to do it.
Now this is not to say Mr. Z is unforgiving. I have also made purchases he has been indifferent about and on some occasions, bought things that have caused him to smile or *gasp* engage me in conversation. Titles I suggest if you would like the aforementioned treatment. Anything by Interpol. My Bloody Valentine's "Loveless" later selections from the beatles catalogue and Less than Jake's "losing streak" should do the trick. However, I make no guarantees on this. Mike, is like a sleeping grizzly bear and if you poke him on the wrong day, well than just go put your selections back and try again another day. A bit tedious but it's what makes shopping at Newbury such an adventure.

I hope you all went and bought your milk/bread/batteries for the storm. I hope you all are well.


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