So here I am, awake at 4:15am on this, the greatest of holidays, St. Patrick’s Day, and I am drinking…coffee. No need for more abuse than absolutely necessary. I’m thinking about being totally cliché and going to the parade and then maybe someplace to get a corned beef brisket sandwich and maybe a Guinness or two. Part of me feels compelled as I owe it to the Citrus Queen™. We spent two good St. Paddy’s days, among a few others, three sheets to the wind, without a care in the world. Winowhere will do that to a person.
I didn’t post at all yesterday and I’m not sure why. Could have been the lackluster response to my three post Tuesday, but I need to remember is that it’s not about the hits or the comments, it’s about getting what’s locked up in my head out. I’ve been feeling less than normal lately, this does not include the ever dissipating pain in my knee (Praise God!) nor the case of the congestisniffs I seem to have had for the better part of three months. I don’t know if I’m losing my grasp on things, I mean I don’t think so, as I don’t feel fucking crazy and believe me, I’ve been to the edge before.
Now that I am actually thinking about it, instead of trying to sleep or ignore everything important in my life through video games, reading and the ever dwindling interweb, this new sense of uncertainty seems to be coming from my own self doubt. I recently decided my next move is to become a teacher. I will have to go back to college and double major in education and English, but when I’m done, I will be able to go out and help young people. Yes, nursing is something which would allow me to help people as well, but when it comes down to it, I started college as a secondary ed major and was told I was not smart enough to get into the program. I was not smart enough to get into the program but I was smart enough to still be accepted into the college and have them take my $$$. Whatever, no more bitching, I love adversity and I love being able to stick it to those who told me I couldn’t.
So as far as I am concerned, I am telling the little voice in the back of my head to go fuck itself cause I have a plan and a mission. The only thing that can stop me now is me.