this is the university I am attending. You may be enrolled as well but not even know it...yet.
In attempting to post more than twice a month, this will be a themed-post. The theme being, "Things that are just fucking crazy."
Without further ado, here they are.
Hi, I'm George W. Bush. I am the worst president ever. When I mean ever, I mean a long fuckin' time. I'm not talking like Jerry Lewis Telethon long, no sir. I'm talking longer, like I've been in office so long, no one under the age of 20 will remember the "good old days." When gas was not eleventy billion dollars a gallon and the rest of the world didn't hate us. That's how long I'm talking about. Anyway, I was just on my way to vacation, I mean "work" and just thought I would stop by this here blog and let you all know that I took a shit about this big today. God bless America, and no place else.
Thanks for stoping by George, always love to hear your excretory system is in working order. Well we kind of always know that cause anytime you speak, all that comes out of your mouth is shit. Front door or back door, either way the shit is getting out.
Next up His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI.
Thank you JackassJimmy. Good morning. I have stopped by Called Out at Home to tell you of the good news. I think you all know who I am, if not, just know that I am the head of a church/political machine that uses fear and guilt to manipulate people into living in a way that is antiquated and unrealistic.
Now for the good news. In the past, if someone had died before being baptized with the Holy Spirit, their soul did not go to Heaven. See Catholics have to be "baptized" with water and oil before they can go to Heaven. See God loves oil and water, much like George Bush, (maybe that's why he is always speaking with Georgie and not me.) and therefore, wants all of his people to be annoited with these blessed things. Those poor bastards unfortunate enough to not get baptized, well they go to limbo/purgatory to wait to see if there may be room in Heaven at a later time.
Limbo is not really a very fun place because it's filled with unborn children/children who die at birth and those stupid enough to not be baptized into the Roman Catholic faith. There is no food or music in limbo, in fact there are only broken beach chairs and math problems in limbo. I seem to be getting off track here but what I wanted to tell you is this. "I got rid of limbo. There is no more limbo." Now I know some of you may find this hard to believe, but God spoke to me and told me I could do it, so I did.
Where have all the souls of your children and loved ones gone? Let's not worry about that just yet. Let's celebrate the fact they are no long in limbo! I know some of you may be angry or overcome with grief and this is to be expected, but as Catholics, you know that nothing good ever happens to you and that it is your faith in the Unseen alone that will get you through this. Rejoice and be glad in this good news. Oh, and if you use condoms or birth control, you will burn in Hell for all eternity. Have a good day.
Thanks for those rays of sunshine your eminenance, I know I feel like hanging myself right now. Our last guest should be considered a certified lunatic. He is just rediculous and makes his living as a "magician" a financially bankrupt occupation since people believed you shouldn't bathe because the Devil would enter you via your open pores. Ladies and gentleman, how about a nice Called Out welcome for David Blaine.
"Hello, I am speaking with you using telepathy. This is necessary as I was enclosed in a water-filled sphere yesterday. While in this sphere, I am going to try and escape from some chains, while trying to hold my breath for 9 minutes. I am not a good role model and think you should keep your children away from me. I have done other great stunts like: burying myself alive for a week, encasing myself in ice for 61 hours and my personal favorite, being hanged in London for 44 days. I can't wait to get out of these chains and break that breath-holding record, cause my balls are very itchy. Hail Satan."
Ok, well thanks for that short yet informative interview. Well that seems to be all the time we have for today. Come back the next time I post something and maybe it will not be as wild and weird as this.
I hope you all are well.
JUST ONE MINUTE JACKASS!!! I'M TANA UMAGA, FORMER CAPTAIN OF THE NEW ZEALAND ALL BLACKS RUGBY CLUB. IF YOU HAVE THE BALL, I WILL DESTROY YOU. IF I HAVE THE BALL, I WILL RUN THROUGH YOU. I LOVE DESTROYING PEOPLE AND I AM CRAZY. I ONCE TRIED TO TACKLE AN 18 WHEELER. HOWEVER ALL THAT KILLING HAS MADE ME TIRED AND AT 32 I AM LEAVING THE ALL BLACKS TO SPEND TIME WITH MY FAMILY CAUSE I AM A HELL OF A GUY. OK, I JUST WANTED TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST. I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A NICE DAY, I'M GOING TO GO RIP TREES OUT OF THE GROUND WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!!!!