Tuesday, January 23, 2007

How About Them Apples...

Dear Epson and the people who write the software for the Epson brand printers.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have been a loyal customer for some time. I have backed the Epson brand and recommended it to friends and colleagues alike. Recently I have become frustrated with the labeling of your ink cartridges. As I am probably one of the most cynical people I know, I find it some what of a coincidence that the refills for the C68 printer and the C86 printer are placed remarkably close together. What am I getting at? Well after spending close to $70 at Staples on replacement ink, I came home, unwrapped and installed my new cartridges, only to find I was shit out of luck because, I had bought the C68 refills and not the C86.

So what is a guy on a budget to do? Well since the cartridges all fit into place, I was remotely optimistic they might work. What a fool I was! What type of evil corporate and technological sorcery have you people bewitched your products with that if an honest mistake is made, one cannot come back from the void?!?!? Are you so heartless as to give everyone the finger? What about all of the hardworking, blue-collar Americans, who purchase your products because they are both economical and reliable? Are we to assume that once you have our money, we are just dollar signs and decimal points to you? I would hope not but my cynicism leads me to believe otherwise.

So tonight, I ventured back to my local Staples to pick up a single, black ink cartridge. One that would let me print out important documents for: tax purposes, medical records and shopping lists; you know everyday kinds of things. Upon returning home I installed my new Epson brand cartridge and voila, guess what? My printer still will not fucking print! Why is this? Hmmm, let me go to your website and see what the great minds have in store for me. Looking through the FAQ's it seems once again I get to bend over and be railed by corporate cock. My fucking printer will not print, unless I have all cartridges installed, and they all have to have ink. So basically, whenever I need to buy ink for this marvel of technology, it's going to cost me the cost of the printer.

I will admit, I did try to be crafty and save myself some cash, as I am on a budget. I bought one of those generic refills, you know the ones that are almost half the price of your refills. Yeah, seems as though you don't want to let those work either. I have to confess I am somewhat angered by all of the chicanery I have encountered these past few days. While I think you make excellent products, your business practices leave something to be desired and in all honesty, I wish you all would lick me where I shit.

I, like a million other people, as well as yourselves, am busy and don't have time for the nonsense and ballyhoo of running around trying to find the square peg that will fit in the round hole. It would behoove your company to clearly label refills and be a little less tight-assed with all of these "cartridge cannot be recognized" messages. These are the kinds of things that make me want to throw your fucking printer out the fucking window and go and take food out of my children's mouths, so I can buy an HP printer.

I expect to see changes made, effective immediately, otherwise I hope you are all sodomized by a tribe of Alabama Hellbillies. Were it not for the relaxing music I have on now, I might have had the gumption to do the job myself.

Fuck You Very Much,

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