Sunday, August 17, 2008

So bitter right now...

There's been a whole lot of thinking going on and not a whole lot of writing. I'm not wasting time with an apology cause for one, I'm not really sorry and two, what's the point? If people were really interested with what is going on, the emails, calls and such would have been coming in. Here again this is not me looking for sympathy, empathy or anything ending in athy, it's just one guy speaking his mind on his feelings.

Back to the aforementioned thinking...

damn, you know you have a lot on your mind when if you don't keep yourself busy, you start to think in monologues, soliloquies or asides. Usually when this happens, I take it as a sign to start blogging but what if I really don't have anything to say? Then my incessant rambling becomes nothing more than, “today I got up and had some breakfast...” So what? Most people do both of those things, wake up and or at some point during the day, eat something. Just because it may not be morning, does not mean you can't call your first meal of the day breakfast.

This is all going to seem disjointed and purposeless but I have to get it all out or I think I might scream. I fucking hate being responsible and having a great work ethic. Why? Because today is probably the best day of the summer and I'm going to spend inside a fucking stinky and filthy building at work. Today I am going to have to pretend like I give a shit about things I can neither control, nor change, instead of sit outside and read a book, go for a walk in the park or any of a million and a half things I would rather be doing than being at work. What's more annoying? I have not had more than three days off in a row ( I know this is not the norm and that we all only usually get 2 day weekends) in a fucking year. I have not asked to take vacation time even though I have a ton of it, and moreover I'm going to let that shit build until they either force me to take it or tell me I either have to take time out or sell some days back to the agency.

Not a cloud in the fucking sky mid to high 80's with a slight breeze. How do you get any better than that? The only way to make that better is to put my ass in a chair on a tropical beach, with an endless supply of diet soda and a stack of good books. I would be ok with not going to work today even if no one was around to hang out. Even if all I did was to sit in my back yard and read in the sun.

This leads into my next point. School.

Can I tell you how not amped I am to have the semester starting in like a week? Not very. The last thing I want to have to do is have all of my waking free time, with my nose in a text book or going over video tutorials or making flash cards. On top of all of that having to spend my other waking hours at a job that I'm torturing myself with school so I can get away from my place of employment, as soon as fucking possible, is not really high on my list of shit to do either. I don't do well when I'm sleep deprived. I mean I can function albeit barely but what's worse is I know that I'm busting my ass to get through nursing school so that I can stop working second shift, only to be an RN and have to start at the bottom and work either second or even third shift until I have paid my dues and a day shift slot opens up.

When the hell did the fun monster come and eat my life? I feel like I've done nothing and do nothing but work. I have not been to the beach once, nor driven down to my parents place because my fucking car will blow up and who has an extra $900 laying around, for repairs, when gas is eleventy billion dollars a gallon?

I'm looking forward to taking the week of Thanksgiving off and going to NYC to see some old friends from school. What's going to be funny is when people bitch and complain about me getting to take a holiday off, after I have not taken more than one day off, and I have more seniority then almost everyone else (barring two guys who have 5 years more time in than me) on my unit. You know what? Go fuck yourself and cry about it to someone who gives a shit, I'm done.

I hope you all are well.


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