Thursday, March 31, 2011

Joe Rogan...

made me laugh my ass of tonight and it was just what I needed.

even though I was freezing, in my parents basement, with no job to speak of and even less direction in my life, the act of having to stifle my laughter, due to my parents sleeping above me, seemed to make things that much more funny

shit has been unseasonably real for me over the past 6 months

I've lost my job, my health care, my apartment, thank god my car is paid for is all I can say right now. Friends come and go and some when they know you need them most, seem to disappear like ghosts in the daylight

it's kinda tough to finally realize that "you" are the weakest link, the one most likely to train wreck, the fuck-up in your circle of friends. "Not all who wander are lost..." one of my favorite quotes and yet I can't help but feel no matter how bright the lamp in the lighthouse, it will pass me over

life is a fragile thing and sometimes I think sanity even more so. It's taking me more and more to accomplish less and less. seek out the little things, the things that make you smile or laugh or that warm your heart, what do you do when every thing means nothing and the only colors you see are varying shades of gray?

at one time I thought going to school to be a nurse was going to be my salvation, now I have run out of excuses to trick myself into caring. the thought of being in college, classes, labs etc, nauseates me and yet, what is my alternative?

live in my parents fucking basement, hoping for something good to happen? hoping for a miracle, a lottery ticket, the angel of death?

lately i've heard many people speak on how good things are earned through hard work and if you expect positive results, you need to put your nose to the grind stone and really bust your ass

Yeah, cause i've never done any of that...

*curse this consciousness and this life*

I hope you all are well.


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

High Caloric

I've never been one of those people who is uber concerned with counting crows, blue cars or calories, even when I was, "supposed to." However, since embarking on my renewed fitness regime, I noticed the old gray jackass ain't what he used to be and therefore, maybe we should start paying a little more attention to detail.

I had originally set a goal for myself of being a 36inch waist by my birthday. While I've made considerable progress, it's going to take ebola or an act of God for me to get to 36 by the dead line. While somewhat dissapointed with not achieving said goal...yet, I decided to look harder into what I'm eating.

Long and boring story short: large eggs all the way! Fuck jumbo eggs and the busted asses of the chickens who lay them. calorically large eggs just make better sense. I have seen no difference in cooking between the two, other than jumbo takes up more of the pan. Plus for me, it's hard to fool the stomach with the eyes. I can look at my 3 large egg breakfast and say, "Holy Shit, I just ate three eggs, what a fat-ass, time to hit the gym!" When I look at my two jumbo egg breakfast I say,"HTF is it that you guys are double in calories, don't take up as much space as your smaller bretheren and leave me wondering if the sense of being full varies at all" MR. JUMBO effin' EGG?

either way I end up going to the gym and doing something until I turn into a heaving, hump n' grunting, sweating like a hog of humanity inhumanoid. Come home shower, repeat do it again.

Anywho, today I'm going to have a long awaited coffee chat with Ink Buddy. As Aaron Lewis from Staind would say, "It's been awhile..." and I'm sure we both have a ton to talk about.

I hope you all are well.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011


as I drove out past Anawan Cliffs, I knew with an aire of certainty, I would become hopelessly lost at some point. well as luck would have it, the force was strong in this one and not only did I NOT get lost, but I was able to come back in a way to be able to hit the "cheaper" gas station on my return home.

started the night after dinner, at the library, walking the stacks in relative peace and quiet but for the voices in my head and the troop of girl scouts arraning their next cookie social and trying to figure out how to keep more of the public from finding out they are outsourcing production of their uniforms to China. Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.

Decent workout today but rotator cuff is still messed up. I was however able to get a good bicept workout in. Something is better than nothing. I figure another couple of weeks and I should be right as rain.

I hope you all are well.