Thursday, March 31, 2011

Joe Rogan...

made me laugh my ass of tonight and it was just what I needed.

even though I was freezing, in my parents basement, with no job to speak of and even less direction in my life, the act of having to stifle my laughter, due to my parents sleeping above me, seemed to make things that much more funny

shit has been unseasonably real for me over the past 6 months

I've lost my job, my health care, my apartment, thank god my car is paid for is all I can say right now. Friends come and go and some when they know you need them most, seem to disappear like ghosts in the daylight

it's kinda tough to finally realize that "you" are the weakest link, the one most likely to train wreck, the fuck-up in your circle of friends. "Not all who wander are lost..." one of my favorite quotes and yet I can't help but feel no matter how bright the lamp in the lighthouse, it will pass me over

life is a fragile thing and sometimes I think sanity even more so. It's taking me more and more to accomplish less and less. seek out the little things, the things that make you smile or laugh or that warm your heart, what do you do when every thing means nothing and the only colors you see are varying shades of gray?

at one time I thought going to school to be a nurse was going to be my salvation, now I have run out of excuses to trick myself into caring. the thought of being in college, classes, labs etc, nauseates me and yet, what is my alternative?

live in my parents fucking basement, hoping for something good to happen? hoping for a miracle, a lottery ticket, the angel of death?

lately i've heard many people speak on how good things are earned through hard work and if you expect positive results, you need to put your nose to the grind stone and really bust your ass

Yeah, cause i've never done any of that...

*curse this consciousness and this life*

I hope you all are well.


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