Wednesday, July 22, 2015

What the actual...

foot doctor said, your foot is busted, stay off of it...

regular doc said your physiology is busted you need to get up and move your ass or shit is going to get serious...

now what in the actual hell am I to make about all of this?
yesterday, i may have been the first guy this summer, no in all of recorded history, to be on the gd elliptical machine,
in a cast and boot
that's exactly what I needed.
something else to ellicit stares from people who look at me like my struggle is
more hopeless than anyone elses

just cause that dude wearing the tapout shirt
grunts louder
than anyone else
and can lift all the plates on the leg press
(BFD let's see his porcine ass squat more than 50lbs)
does not mean he is in better shape

were it not for this gd cast
and boot, to boot
to a cardio-carnival
i would challenge him
and in the words of one of my favorite motivational speakers,
Eric Thomas, "YOU WILL NOT OUT WORK ME..."

bruthafucka i will DIE on that elliptical, treadmill, bike, arc trainer, hand bike
and whatever other kind of cardio non-sense you can throw at me
before i quit before you

a time ago
i thought i was done with tattoos
but i may have been wrong
in funky script
up the side of my
sounds like a good

i know that shit is going to hurt
and if i was a crayon
my color would be

life is about compromise
one doc says sit
another says come
im the only dog in my race

so today
im sore like
a whore on

and that shit makes me cranky

I hope you all are well.



Sunday, July 12, 2015

One Crazy Summer…


Pretty convinced these are the end times or, at the very least, (the world) people have lost their damn minds.

when, “The Donald” is the GOP front-runner and someone tries to blow up the beach, yeah, there are strange things afoot.


In all honesty, it’s probably the heat, as evidenced above that is making everyone insane. while it hasn’t been insane hot, the humidity has been rearing its ugly head and I don’t know anyone who enjoys a generous case of, “swamp ass.”

That being said, three commercial fishing boats were set on fire and burned the other night. as if fishermen don’t have it tough enough, am I right? the predominant theory at this point is arson. I would think this is some fishermen on fishermen beef as most eco terrorists seem to have gone on semi-permanent vacation. either way it’s shitty. those dudes work hard and the job takes its toll on more than their bodies, whether you know it or not.

Somehow your cubicle doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?

Sea Star

On top of all of this, someone tries to go and ruin a perfectly great weekend by blowing up the beach. film at eleven.

Cierra Putman: Dropping some knowledge

who goes and blows up a beach, in the middle of summer? NO ONE, that’s who. the best part of all of this is that locals never even gave a thought to the fact there could have been a multitude of reasons for this happening. they completely refused to acknowledge a gaseous smell, not unlike methane, that was in the air, PRIOR to the explosion. no thought, “Hey, there is a concessions stand and bathroom facilities with showers requiring hot water…” NO ONE thought that. instead everyone automatically jumps to the obvious answer; this has to be ISIS.


I can’t think of a less desirable target than maybe the middle of a corn field in Iowa.


there is nothing but morons and savages in this place.

I hope you all are well.



Thursday, July 09, 2015

Can’t catch a…



this was how my thursday morning progressed and I have to admit, I’ve had better. for what it’s worth I am completely aware there are things way worse than this in life and if this is all I have to deal with, then I am totally grateful.

it’s just a total bummer having been sick for what seems like every summer since the end of time. whether I was actually sick, as in like hospitalized or sick as in, “look at me my gd foot won’t heal and I am going to be in a boot for the next 6 months of my life” try to not go bat shit insane has proven to be quite a task.

at least there is work.

taking tuition payments                                      


taking calls about tuition payments

answering face to face questions about tuition payments at the counter until I feel like I am repeating myself over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

sending people one counter over to financial aid

listening to those in the military bitch, when they submit their tuition waivers but yet still have to pay normal college administrative fees.

good times…good times.


can’t lie and say I am going to spend the whole weekend preparing for nursing entrance exam but it is definitely going to be a priority. G8trcaker (new friend from first time I took anatomy) has same prep book. I guess we are going to do it together? Not sure how that is going to work out but, if nothing else I will identify my strengths and weaknesses…*cough-cough-math-cough*


really should get to the Y at some point this weekend too. bad enough being the fat guy at the gym but being the fat guy with the size eleventy billion cast on your leg just makes things that more rich.

the icing on the cake is the cardio machine I’ve heard tell of but never actually seen. pedals like a bike however, you are using your arms. Herr Doktor told me he wants me to start at twenty minutes. if this had been our normally scheduled program, I would have laughed. I can do twenty minutes of cardio and jerk off. using the upper body….ehhh not so sure. even if it is another exercise in humiliation, at least it makes for a good story


I hope you all are well




I'm too gd big for this shit!

i really only have one thing to say right now and it is this: "IT IS 2k&MUTHFUCKIN'15, there is no need to be without air conditioning.

the heat is too damn high! First order of business when I get back on my feet and get a full-time job, is putting away money for one of those ductless units. i can't be expected to live and be productive when every waking moment i have, makes me feel like a suzy-Q, just laying inside the gd package, doin' nothing besides laying there sweating and being fat and greasy...'s not even august yet.

in order to get to sleep tonight, i will stand in the shower until sufficiently cool
then make a quick albeit wet transition into bed, in front of a fan thusly insuring i wake on the morrow with pneumonia, a sore throat and a broken back

nothing but savages in this town

I hope you all are well.


Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Yoo Hoo...

someone recently asked me why I never blog anymore. I didn’t really have a good answer.

needless to say, that was like three weeks ago and here we are. Its past my bedtime, Miles Davis is on in the background and I still have nothing good to say. I feel like an athlete coming off the bench after the wunderkind rookie has had his ass handed to him for the last time. these keys once familiar are now foreign to me and I could give a fuck about grammar and editing and the rest of that shit. sue me.

finished up last pre-required class before I can test and apply to nursing program. I got nothing lower than an A-. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. (Note to self: buy yourself one of those back-lit wireless keyboards, you cheap asshole.) it was not so long ago when I thought it was going to take me forever to get through all of this shit so I could apply to nursing school and here I am. even though I am potentially starting after someone who had not even begun, when I was already in process, who is now finishing up, I don’t give a fuck. that in itself is progress. 

listening to “Kind of Blue” now reminds me why we used to put it on at bedtime, in college. not only is it a great disc but its totally mellowing me out, even with the giant cup of Diet Mountain Destruction before me. today was really the first day it was like holy shit hot and it got up to like 80°F You cant tell me this global warming shit is not real. I remember it being hot like this when I was a kid and it was 90 out. so either we are closer to the sun or we have hairsprayed away all of the protective ozone. either way es no bueno

I hope you all are well