El Capitan called ths morning. I love caller ID. My spider sense was tingling and normally I would never answer the phone on my day off, but curiosity got the best of me.
El Capitan: Good morning, how are you?
Me: It's 9am, my day off and I'm still drunk from last night. What's up?
EC: (Not knowing how to respond to the aforementioned info) Oh..ha..ha. Gee, firing it up during the week huh?
Me: I work all weekend remember. Wait..no, you wouldn't. You have weekends off. Like I said. It's my day off, what's up?
EC: Oh, I was just calling to let you know you need to be here for 3 today.
EC: Well, it seems administration is running a seminar on, Compassionately Controlling Agressive/Opositional/Defiant Outbursts and they want all agents to attend.
Me: So this is to learn how to compassionately kick someone's ass?
EC: (nervous) Ha...ha, in a manner of speaking.
Me: Is it mandatory?
EC: Well, I think it would be great if all agents from J-Unit would go.
Me: Is it mandatory?
EC: That's not really the point. The point is...
Me: Let me stop you right there. This seminar is not mandatory. You want the agents on the unit to go cause it will make you look good. This gets you a bigger raise and elevated status with God and the Arch Angels. The only thing this does for me is inconvenience me, take two hours out of my weekend that I don't get overtime for and take away my two days in a row I don't have to be there.
EC: *Sigh* I still think its a great opportunity and wish you would come.
Me: I hear you but let's be realistic. The guests of the Agency don't give a damn about our welfare. Seeing as how I was assaulted over 6 times last month, me spending some of my extremely valuable, free time learning how to be more compassionate to people who have told me to and I quote, "go fuck my mother." is not high on my list of priorities. Sorry Cap, I'm all set with that. I've already pulled a double this week, I'm done.
EC: Where's the team spirit?
Me: It's in the bags of ice I have had to put on my eyes, nose and family jewels over the past month cause some people don't do their job.
EC: What are you saying?
Me: Let's just say there are plenty of people who talk the talk but can't walk to save their lives.
EC: Are you referring to me?
Me: I'm not singling anyone out boss, but you should know, I'm not the only agent who feels this way.
EC: (flustered) Well...this is news to me! Looks like we'll have to have a unit staff meeting tomorrow! Is 3 good for you?
Me: I'm off tomorrow as well. You make the schedule, you know that. I'm going to go back to bed. See you on Friday. Click.
El Capitan called back approximately an hour later. Again we discussed why it is unfair that I have to come in during my weekend for administrative bullshit. He sees my point, but won't go on the record agreeing with me. It's a tough position to be in, and I can sympathize with him but I never want to be someone's puppet again. The only ones I get down on my knees for are a very cool hippie dude who walked the middle east about 2000 years ago, preaching peace and love and groovy times and very special ladies, who show no signs of entitlement and ask nicely.
Word is bond...