Thursday, August 30, 2012

Somethings got to...


Just came back from second podiatrist appointment in as many weeks.

in the words of Paula Abdul, “One step forward and two steps back”
apparently the opposites which don’t attract in my life are health and feet

I’m not going to lie, starting to get a little freaked out by the fact that I’m not able to be on my feet for any extended period of time.

I’ve been here before
I know it takes time for these things to heal
it doesn’t make the anticipating, hoping, waiting and wishing go any faster
another hiatus from
working out
delicious things
and generally living life

Pretty awesome if you ask someone who is not

Week off from CNA class could not have come at a better time
I still feel kind of shitty about the Doc giving me shit about not having insurance
it’s not like I don’t want to be insured
it’s not like I don’t want to work
it’s not like I am trying to screw the system over and get something for nothing
I would pay the full amount if I were able
and yet
even though I still able to contribute something
I get the verbal chorus of disapproval and the equivalent of a finger shake at me

I suppose if I worked three jobs
put myself through a good college
were conservative
and followed the GOP blindly
like a fucking sheep
things would be better off for me

At least that’s what I am being force fed by everyone around me.

I hope you all are well.


Sunday, August 26, 2012

I was in...

an uber bad fucking mood

and then I started listening to some new to me music

“The Hymn of a Broken Man” by Times of Grace, to be exact. I don’t know what the jury says about this disc but to be honest, I’m into it and I’ve only heard like the first 4-5 tracks
I think that says something about the musicianship and talent that went into this recording

Not only that but, I no longer feel like smashing shit, getting in a fight for no reason or doing some other dumb and non-productive shit

Back to the grind tomorrow night and I’m not even sure I can call it that cause, when you grind, you get paid. There is no money exchanging hands here. Maybe I will have to retitle my actions, “the wipe” or “the rub” as the case may be.

Watched “Jeff who lives at Home” and “The Hunger Games” this weekend. They both made me wish the Redbox had feelings, so I could say mean shit to it and make it feel bad about itself.

With a cast including Ed Helms, Susan Sarandon, Rae Dawn Chong and Jason Seigel, I expected something other than a turd trying to win the gold medal in the pole vault competition, at the shit olympics. Jeff, who lives at Home did not even place. That being said. Hunger Games was not better by any stretch of the imagination. I didn’t understand what all the hype was about for the books and I understand even less about hype for the movie. When the best acting performance is delivered by Lenny Kravitz, one might want to think about who cast the leads.

Finished World War Z finally. I’ve been reading that book for what seems like the better part of a decade. It was entertaining, not life changing but, I’m not sorry I invested time in it either. I started In the Garden of the Beasts this afternoon. It’s the latest in the selection of books from my brother & sister-in-laws book club. I don’t know where people find these books but, since no one has read either of the last two selections, my hopes for anyone reading about the developing relations between pre-WWII Germany and the United States are minimal at best. If I’m surprised and people actually do read and discuss the book, you’ll be the first to know.

I hope you all are well.


Wednesday, August 01, 2012


it's almost four am and I am still awake

stressed out about not hearing from potential employer
I know they have to review my materials
but in all honesty
my resume is one page

wtf is the hold up?

it's a test I tell you
Im almost at the point
where I dont even care

sad part is
I really do.
I really, really do
I want to go back to work in the worst way
this semi-self-imposed vacation became
long and boring
about twelve and a half
months ago

the money is not even the worst part
its the lack of inter-action
the lack of sense of purpose
that bother me the most

most days I don't even know what fucking day it is
not cause I spent the previous night getting screaming drunk
and all sorts of fucked up on illicit substances
but because when there is nothing to do
nowhere to go
no one to talk to
then all of the
days and nights and inbetweens
just fucking run together
like some kind of final art project
done in haste
in hopes that graduation
is still a possibility


don't know anything about that

later on I will be going to apple
with momzilla
trying to find her a pair of wireless
loud enough so that
we dont have to
duct tape the stereo
to her head

im also going to take my
in the hope that a factory reset
is all it needs versus being dead
cause in the grand scheme of things
I do enjoy my music
but at this point
the ipod can go to that big scrap heap in the sky
if it means
im able to start work at some point
this month

I hope you all are well.