Thursday, September 27, 2012

Where in the...

world did JackassJimmy go?!

I finished my CNA class the other night. No one is happier than I, that I don’t have to make the hour drive, three times a week, any more than I am. When I reached the end of the class, even before reaching the end, I knew I was done. Not done, like I didn’t want to go on, further my health care education and career but, just done with being free labor. Busting my ass three nights a week for no money. When you’ve been unemployed for as long as I have, working hard enough that it looks like you could use a shower, an hour into your shift, there needs to be some sort of compensation.

My compensation is that I am done.

Walked out of the nursing home and felt as if a ton of bricks had been lifted from my chest. Not only was it easier to breathe but I knew I was done with some of the people and energies I had experienced along the way. I can weather many situations but nursing homes just really take it out of me. There is barely anything positive associated with them in my eyes. Sure you have a select few people, who really like their job, honestly care about the patients, and really try to do the best they can. Others are more or less in a holding pattern, until they can find something better & or more lucrative for themselves.

I wouldn’t say I made friends in my class, which is odd for me but, in retrospect, we’re all such different people and personality types. Some I had pegged from day one, others, I couldn’t have been more off the mark if I tried. We were comrades in arms. It was sink or swim from day one and if you were seen as dead weight, you drowned. I’m just glad I was able to help myself & the others around me and have them at my back, when I needed a hand. Never underestimate what you think you can do. Put yourself in situations that are out of your comfort zone. Like really think about it from the perspective of another.

Sure, cleaning up someone who is incontinent and has soiled themselves is gross. No doubt about it. Would I rather do something else? Of course, who wouldn’t? On the flip-side of that, imagine being that person, who because of age, injury, or a number of other reasons, has to rely on someone for the most basic of functions. As grossed out as you may or may not feel, I can guarantee you, their embarrassment is a thousand times greater than how grossed out or uncomfortable you may feel. Being a caregiver of any kind is difficult and rewarding. Some days you go to work and feel like you are the luckiest person in the world. Other days, you’ll be convinced the universe is out to get you with all of the shit it throws your way.

Be human and realize there are going to be good and bad days. That you too will someday, more than likely, rely on someone, a family-member or caregiver etc., for something. If there is one thing I’ve learned over the course of the last 4 months or so, it’s that people can be really awful to one another. I’m sure you have experienced it first hand, I know I have. It sounds cliche but it really doesn’t take all that much more energy to be nice and if not nice, basically considerate for other people. Are you always going to be given the same courtesy, probably not. Lead by example. Life is short. Be helpful, be humble and do one thing everyday to make the life of someone else better or easier in someway.

I hope you all are well.



Saturday, September 15, 2012

Who the hell...

fall kicked the bedroom door open this am

and while it's not cold
it was a bit chilly sleeping with the window open
no stiff
or other appendages

my to do list today is filled with
horrible things
stuff that is no fun for anyone
and it's stuff that just has to get done
cause my future relies on it

"no kind of pressure than the kind
one puts on themselves," I always say.

coffee was delicious
and facilitate the grumbly tumbly
but I'm now in the in between
and don't know whether to
go brekkie
or lunch

decision, decisions

maybe I should stop
blah-blah-blahing and get to work
have a great Saturday ya'll

I hope you all are well.



Friday, September 14, 2012

For those of...

you keeping score:
nursing home 7
jackassjimmy’s back -23

pretty sure I finished my clinical rotation the other night.
now it’s back into the classroom for a few more tests & then hasta la pasta…and I’m out

Didn’t apply for a job @ said nursing home
I’m done
no more free labor from me
the people working there are fine, catty but, fine
I also think me, working in a dude-free environment, is probably not the best idea
I mean my back is already train-wrecked, no need to set that wreck on fire

I applied for a few jobs this week
one better than the other
way better really
but at this point
if I can get in front of someone
and get an interview
I might crack a smile for the first time since
Lincoln was President

the foot is on fire today
weird…cause it’s healing
doc said, “It looks much, much better…”
which was a relief
but I still feel a good amount of
spontaneous pain
like burning
not bad enough to warrant medication
but certainly enough to complain about
this new dressing he put on
is supposed to stay on for a week
not sure how well that’s gonna go
especially if my feet start sweating, as they are want to do

fall is knocking on the door
and I’m feeling the slight shift in my mood already
I don’t think having my master piece of a garden
ripped out of the ground
to plant grass
helps much
but who am I?

been getting msgs
from the way back
people I was never even really connected with
makes me wonder if the universe is trying to
set me up for another
donkey punch

one cant ever be to careful
when the universe is concerned
cause there are times one wants
to be
a guy
and there are times one knows
what the right thing
to do is
and never the two shall meet
and so we have these experiences
teachable moments
and in order
to not die of
we name it

I’ve had about as much learnin’ as I can take in one life time.

I hope you all are well.