Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Call back...

do you know how long its been since I've had a call back for a job?

A LONG GD TIME! and that's all I can say about that. I'm excited but
at the same time don't want to get my hopes up because
the last thing I need right now is another let down

this week has been effing brutal, even though it is only tuesday


there have been bright spots
reconnected with an old friend

got to watch some awful, summer-league hoops
with my dad at the most peaceful park on the planet

and threw out a ton of stuff I don't need.

My new interest is lucid dreaming
never have been able to try it
it seems like a good way to problem solve
at least for me
and if not, well then, flying and shooting
my arch enemies in the face with a bazooka
will be pretty cool too.

I was hoping to get to the beach today but
as I am waiting for the callback
I guess I'm somewhat house bound

What are you up to?

I hope you all are well.


Friday, July 13, 2012

Where are we?

I listen to and watch Jeff Daniels and I somewhat remember the United States I grew up in. One where the American dream, hell ANY dream, for that matter, was still possible. I remember being in high school and being told that my generation was going to be the, "First to not do as well as their parents."

We laughed out loud and back then we still thought of it as an LOL matter.

Now where are we? Who of us are happy where we are? Who feels though they have or CAN achieve their dreams? Who is feeling the agony of defeat and is trying to rally themselves, off the floor, one more time?

I hope you all are well.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Read Only Memory...

So, I just finished the Steve Jobs Biography. I will not talk shit about the man, nor the wonderful things he did for the worlds of technology, animation, music, etc. However, I have to think if was somewhat less arrogant and stubborn, he might still be with us. Whether I am right or wrong, rest in peace Steve.

Got out of class early again tonight. Immaturity rears its ugly head again tonight. Instructor was going over Alzheimer's, it's affect on the brain and how the disease progresses and manifests. The non-mental health workers and those who have no idea how to compose themselves in public, thought it was a hoot and holler that a patient may spontaneously start masturbating at the dinner table, rec room, etc,. Being someone who has been touched by this disease, if only lightly, I wanted to ask them if it was still going to be funny if it was one of their family members or loved ones, who was getting down to business?

...nothing but savages in this place...

Leaving, I'm in the car and listening to some music I probably haven't had on since college, I pass a girl riding a horse down the side of the road. She's wearing a shirt that says, "lifeguard." For a second I had to pinch myself to make sure I was not dreaming. Then I remembered, "I live in Rhode Island and this should come as no surprise."

Day off tomorrow, hopefully get some housework done, call about job at detox center and then try and bang out as much reading as I can. There is the trip to Westerly to pick up the mobile, and then basketball with dad so, from here it's shaping up to be a pretty full day.

I hope you all are well.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Heart-stopping Comedy

Had CPR training in CNA class last night.

Normally this would have been two hour snooze-fest but, the fire-fighter-paramedic-cpr-instructor, is also a part time comedian. No, not like he is funny, like he gets up on stage and tells joke for money. Like he works at a casino and there is the possibility he will be opening for either Dane Cook or Dennis Leary, later on this year.

Which reminded me of my time on stage. I chatted briefly with this guy after class and talked about how I had taken a comedy class, right after graduating from high school, how I had been a theater / communications major in college, hosted a radio on my own and also with a good friend of mine. We both agreed out of all the substances one can buy or drink, eat, snort or shoot, nothing beats the rush of being live on stage and feeding off the applause of the audience.

oddly enough, we also agreed that sometimes in life, you have to laugh in order to keep from crying. I don't know about the rest of you but, that's some wisdom right there.

Class started and ended in the blink of an eye and when it was all said and done, we had the training and knowledge to keep someone alive and give EMS the best shot they had at bringing them back among the living.

The methodology might be somewhat unorthodox but, more trainers of any subject, should take cues from this gentleman. Not only was he able to impart all of his knowledge but was able to do it in a manner that was quick and didn't make you want to put a gun in your mouth to get away from it.

That being said, I am now, (again) CPR certified. Just another step forward in my journey.

I hope you all are well.


Friday, July 06, 2012


Even with the help of a holiday, this week was a freaking drag.

by the middle of class tonight, I was ready to tap out...of everything

but I had a nice drive home
good music
not too much

I think I may have even smiled a few times

something about that sea air and the scent of sea grass
just relaxes the hell out of me
reminds me
there are other speeds besides
run for your lives

we all move to fast
not noticing the small things
appreciating barely anything
until it's gone
or too late
or both

I miss all of you
I wish the best for most of you
I love several of you
if you happen to not fall into one of those categories
do not fret
there is still time
there is always time


sometimes I feel like one of those scientists
sending signals
out into our galaxy
to infinity and beyond
at least that's what it feels like
waiting patiently
for the reply
which more than likely
will never come

taking refuge in ambient music
and other modalities
to quiet
the onslaught of aural terror
inside my brain
tranceporting myself
to another time
where there is time to
listen to the wind
hold your hand
and remember

remember and appreciate
the gifts shared
gifts placed in front of me
unwrap when ready
if I was ready
reminders of the beauty of it all
still reminiscent in this disconnected
content yet yearning
smiling without the drugs
grateful to shed tears
righteous with anger
free to be myself
still afraid to
open up
let down the armor

but this light shines
and little by little
the summer breeze
off the ocean
fuel the fire
creating more light
more heat
more passion
eventually transforming
wood to ash
to fly
to be free
in the air
to dance and play
and rejoice

I hope you all are well.


Monday, July 02, 2012

Three times 3

You know what being the, "I told you so..." guy gets you?

Not many dinner invitations.

At any rate I recently learned of karma finally making its way back around the universe and really laying the smack down on a friend of mine.

just two short years ago, I would have taken a certain, measurable amount of pleasure in learning this but, we change, we grow, we try and let go of the things that we maybe shouldn't like about ourselves so much.

Though it's often said, it does not ring truer for me in this instance, "don't judge until you walk a mile in anothers shoes." We all walk and have walked many, miles in our lifetime. With good health and good fortune, we will continue to walk a great while longer. While our paths may cross and diverge, the importance of the journey is learning along the way.

Not the type of gear you had
How much gear you had
how many people carried you

What did you take away from the journey?

If your only answer at the end is, "a bad back and a lot of sand in my shoes."

What's the point?

I hope you all are well.