Thursday, June 15, 2006

Not too much....

fun going on today. I really shouldn't even be taking the time to write this, but I want to bust one out before I have to grind through the bull shit that is my day.

After a long and drawn out process, I am finally going to get a new tire for the f-1. It's been too long and now I fear my doughnut will turn into a doughnut hole unless I get a new tire...TODAY. It's not sunny but the weather is pleasant and breezy and as a card carrying member of the, "I love good fat guy weather" society, today puts a smile on my face. At least when I a wasting away in TownFaire Tire or in the jungle that is my back yard, I will not be completely soaked in sweat like the family pig...on the night before Easter.

In other developments...

Butt Trumpet, the chick-not the band, text messaged me last night. Apparently she was at the same place I was and didn't feel the need to stop and say hi. No sweat off my back. What's funny is the "W" saw her, didn't say anything to me, and then told me she was looking at me like a fat kid eyes the desert table. "This type of information can be very helpful to me..." or something to that effect stumbled from my lips.

While I don't hold the record for world's oldest virgin, Steve Carrell(40) & maybe former Laker great AC Green(39) have a few years on me. Tony Pierce said, "the easiest thing in the world to say is no." In most cases I would agree, but when it comes to whether or not you're gonna get all Glen Quagmire with some Betty, no can often be the hardest thing to say.

I know most of you are probably thinking I have a horn growing out of the center of my head, cloven hoofs, or have never smelled good enough to get within speaking distance of a woman. Truth be told, though I have not had the best luck with the fairer sex, I have indeed engaged in conversation and more. My reasons for saying no can vary from day to day. (Insert heart getting ripped out via asshole, multiple times here.) Way back when I was in high school, cir.1569, I was too much of a dork to even have a shot. Thank God for music, and women into the alternative scene.

In my late teens and early 20's I hung out with some cool chicks, some chicks I would consider, some that I would not, and some well, some I had not a snowball's chance in Hell with.

Again, you're saying, "dude, your calling them chicks...of course they don't want to talk to you." Rest assured, I'm not THAT socially impared. Taking the road less travelled, I started college at the ripe old age of 23. The unseen advantage of the dudes in my hall calling me, "Grampa" automatically gave up the goods to unsuspecting co-eds in search of an older guy, or in my case, someone old enough to buy apple pucker & wine coolers.

So to make a long story short, you are all wondering how I got through college and several post collegiate years without, "closing the deal" so to speak. Simple. The fact I have a blog, evidence there are too many thoughts running through my head, that I need to spill on these electronic pages should be enough to clue you in to the fact I can't shut my brain off. I think / obsess ALOT. In most cases it gets in the way of me living my life, but that's my deal not yours. The other reason I haven't had sex yet, is just the fact that I have waited this long and what's the point of just sleeping with anyone, when you have been saving it...thinking it/your worth something?

Color me the only guy in the world that thinks this way, but I don't care. Butt Trumpet asked me out for cocktails on Friday. While she has made it blatantly clear we could do the horiztontal mambo on several occasions, I'm still not going to take her up on it. As a *sigh* errupts from the crowd. Never fear, there will be cocktails and conversation and if my companion decides she wants to jiggle the handle or perhaps play the trombone, who am I to say no?

I hope you all are well.


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