I'm sitting and typing and not really sure where I'm going with any of this. Most of me wants to scream until my vocal
chords are caked with dried blood. It has been a Monday. One of those Mondays that makes you want to crawl back
into bed and pull the covers over your head. A Monday that makes you want to fall back asleep and never wake up.
As of late things had seemed to be improving: no more depression meds, sleep habits more regular and life in general
just seemed semi-normal. I was pushing myself to move beyond my comfort zones. I was taking risks, whether or not
I thought they were going to pay off. I was actually starting to *gasp* enjoy myself.
Normally, when the hammer drops, I can sense it coming. Today it came special delivery...in the form of a fucking
car accident. A mere year and a half after my last accident, again I got hit coming out of my driveway. I love how
it is soley my responsibility to make sure there was no traffic coming. I did that. No one gave a citation to the
motherfucker who parked thier fucking jeep, half on the sidewalk-half on the street. No one asked if the driver of the
other vehicle was speeding. No one asked if anyone but me was at fault.
Gratefully, no one was hurt and damage to my car is minor. Of course I had to hit a BMW 325i, fresh from the body
shop, with an insurance agent as a passenger. People have been telling me all day, it was an accident and while I
agree, that doesn't make it suck any less, nor my insurance any cheaper. I can't afford collision now, so with this little
opportunity, it is most definetely out of my price range.
In other news...
The co-worker, who is no longer a co-worker, who I asked on a date, has either been to busy to return my call or was
just placating my offer and never had any intentions of meeting me for brunch, coffee, or several stiff drinks and a
meaningless make out session. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to make a last ditch effort to connect with
her. I mean I know how busy life can get when changing jobs, but part of me feels as though I should have gleened
some message in txt message and call not returned.
Does anyone know where the well-read, single women hang out?
Up until about 2 O'Clock today I was considering an ibook. As my car made impact with the beamer, I watched the
ibook fly away on wings of insurance paper work. All things considered I'm doing ok with this latest monkey wrench
in my works. I'm on the brink of financial ruin and to be honest the only way I can see to solve the problem is to have
two of my "almost grown" male friends move in with me. I'm approaching 35 and yet, my life still resembles that of a
shitty Vince Vaughn / Luke Wilson film.
What makes matters worse is when you realize you're fundamentally a great person and yet you watch everything
crumble around you. It's enough to make someone ponder the sense of walking the path of the righteous man.
With any luck, Tom DeLonge and Angels & Airwaves will calm me enough to sleep. Back to the salt mine tomorrow.
What a great fucking weekend.
I hope you all are well.