Sunday, June 08, 2008

Conversations with Helios...

It's 11:11 motherfucker, wake up and make a wish...



Alright, alright what the hell is your problem?

What have you done today?

Cleaned out my fridge, gone grocery shopping and put a decent dent in the book I'm reading. Why? What's it to you?

Don't talk to me like that.

Hey, you're the one coming in here yelling motherfucker and demanding my consciousness. I'm just saying...

Don't get smart

I'm just saying...

So, 11:11 what's your wish?

Well since I'm not a ninth grade girl, I don't really believe in making wishes on 11:11, so...

Listen, quit being a fucking jackass and just make a wish.

Remember who you are talking to? Jackass Jimmy right?

Yeah, yeah the wish...

I want a big dick

Boring...*yawn* denied


I'm not letting you waste a once in a lifetime opportunity on something that came from the mind of your average high school hockey player.

Fair enough

Besides, you'd probably only stack donuts on it and not put it to good use.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Your WISH...

Fine, I want to have a happy marriage to Sophie Marceau...

You and a bajillion other guys...DENIED

Who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what I can and can't wish for when you've obviously given me this wish, with the sole intention of torturing me.

I know I'm The SUN and all and you're not very happy with me right now due to the smackdown of a sunburn I laid on you yesterday, but honestly, not even SPF 15? Your dumb celtic ass should have known better.

I do know better, however, they told me that your UV's would help me with my PSORIASIS!

Who is this “they” you speak of?

The dermatologists, you asshole.

Whoa, whoa there buddy. No need to hurl the insults around like they're on sale.

Well, in the short time you've been here and the longer I'm conscious, the angrier I'm getting. My hot and spicy skin in addition to you telling me all my wishes are DENIED, is making me one not so happy boy.

Really, anything else on your mind?

Besides my car not working, trying to save money for the impending depression, trying to get registered for school, figuring out where and with who I want to spend the rest of my “hopefully” short life with... No, not really.

So would you say your glass is half empty or half full?

If I thought it would do me any good, I would shoot you in the face with a bazooka. Come on with this wish business, you are robbing my basement of all of its cool and when that happens, it's not going to be a pretty site.

Right the wish...go ahead

How about I'm independently wealthy, and a pro-blogger.

Oh, is that all your highness?

Are you fucking kidding me? I thought that other shit was way more greedy in comparison.

Well the independently wealthy is boring for sure. I'm mean who doesn't want to not have to work again. But I was intrigued by the fact you added the pro-blogger on to the end of it. That shows some creativity and ambition.

Yeah well, it's not like I want to be rich so I can sit at home by the pool all day, getting drunk and looking at jack-it mags.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing, it's just not my deal.

So what is your deal?

What the fuck is this the Truman Show or something? Where are the cameras? Is there a studio audience somewhere or are you supposed to represent the Almighty. No, wait...are you supposed to represent some part of me?!?!

Well, what do you think it means?

You know what, FUCK YOU! You're worse than my therapist! Everything is always another fucking puzzle. How about you throw me a break on this one and just tell me what it is that I am struggling to comprehend, so we can move on and part ways.

And what would you learn by me telling you?

Well I would not learn where my threshold for anger is cause this ridiculous back and forth could stop.

Are you angry?

Are you kidding? You obviously have no idea who I am.

Maybe, why don't you just let it go?


The anger...just let it go

Nope, never. It gets me through.

Gets you through what?


Does it really? Do you really want to live an angry life? I mean is it worth it?

The wish, are you granting it or not?

Of course not. Does that make you angry?

No, I figured as much.

Why do you say that?

Cause there are no gifts or free rides in this life. You have to fight and claw for every scrap that falls from the table. So did I think in the blink of an eye things were going to change for me, I'd be a fucking idiot to think that. Birth-school-work-taxes-death...that's it.

Well I'm sorry you see it that way.

Take your sunshine and move on. I need to shower and put on aloe before going back to my awesome job.

Things will get better, you just have to wait.

Yeah well its Life 35 and Jim 0 so, I'm not holding my breath.

I hope you all are well.


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