Sometimes I swear my parents went wrong when they named me
that’s where it ended though because from there on out, i
took the wheel and it’s been all uphill since there. sometimes I think I should
not use this blog to express what i feel but then again, if I am not writing
for me, who the hell am I writing for?
i know there is no audience, there may be three, perhaps
four people at most, who check in from time to and see if just maybe i have
stopped typing like my name is Eeyore. sorry to disappoint you but i’m back at
the helm again and for what it’s worth, things are proving to be somewhat more
than challenging. for what seems like an eternity, i battle one medical problem
after another. since i lost the job that kept me poor, yet out on my own, my
personal health has been in the toilet. whatever sense of independence i had
vanished with my privacy, as i moved back in with the parents. i watched a
decent social life dwindle and my nest egg saved for a rainy day disappear like,
“presto change-o ala peanut butter sandwiches” or some shit like that.
my most recent battle was with my left foot. gratefully it
was not clubbed like Daniel Day Lewis’ foot, in a film of the same name but, I
have problems with blisters and ulcerations and other stuff associated with
uncontrolled diabetes. People hear uncontrolled diabetes and think a person
sits around eating birthday cake sandwiches and candy and drinking coffee
coolattas, like they are never going to make them again, with no regard for
themselves nor those taking care of them.
i’m sure in some cases that may be true but not in mine.
Before all this nonsense started I was in the best shape of my life, feeling
really great and starting to think that all was not doomed. then lo and behold
the “Job variable” struck me and my ass has been kicked in one way or another
almost six years now. Something needs to give.
there is also a part of me which thinks I forever rock the
Eeyore card cause somehow it always has to be about me. which is crazy to hear
myself say, cause if i looked back on most of my life, I think i’d see i put
everyone else before me, most of the time. this may be true and maybe just
maybe that is my role in life, to be the one person that people can count on
and come to and because of the selflessness of my actions, my reward will be
great once i leave this rock. But the longer i read textbooks in the areas of
science, the more i worry this is the only rodeo in the galaxy.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
jj
