It's not insomnia...

It's just that I've been somewhat busy and somewhat caught up in the mellowdrama that is everyday life.

As a result, it's 4 in the morning and I have no idea why the hell I'm up. I'm just glad it's my weekend and that I'm not required to be up at any specific time tomorrow. I hung out with, "The W" tonight. We went to a store I hate so much, I can't put it into words, Radio Shack. I fucking hate this place. My hatred for it burns like the fire of 10,000 suns. There, I guess I just put it into words. "W" was looking for some random part to something to fix something else, so he could sell it on e-bay....eff that. What's funny about tonight is that "W" called me while I was playing with my godsons. When the cellphone rang and I answered, Aidan(godson) looked at me like I was the biggest asshole in the world, and then screamed, "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" as close as he could to the phone. I had a good laugh over that. I left the kids a little while later to pick "W" up.

When we got to the "shack" as it were, they had decided to close early and sit around and bullshit at the front counter. I guess they were having a strategic meeting over how to stop their batteries not working once outside store premises. Or maybe they were just trying to come up with a better sales strategy for marketing the worst shit on the planet. Who knows?

There was a general sense of dismay and frustration upon discovering the shack was closed. After all, we did drive all the way out to Apple Valley and what the hell else is there to do on a Wednesday night in the smallest state in the union? "W" and I flopped back into the F1 and rolled down 44 like two of the coolest dudes in history, not like two techno-dorks looking for parts to fix our droids on a regular week night.

We drove to our old stomping ground and hang-out, the Dunk. The old fuckers from the VFW were there listening to the ball game and stealing minute maid drinks like they were never going to see them again. The service in this place is fucking atrocious and to be honest, it makes me contemplate giving up my coffee addiction all together. So, "W" and I walk in and there is a cool new kid working behind the counter. He came outside the other night and was talking cars and some other shit with the "italian" and so there was some sort of bond formed with a 17 year old kid.

Homeboy decides to get bold and ask "W" and I, in front of a nearly full house, "if we're out on another date this week?" Cute, but no need to lampoon the two of us. "W" guilts junior into making us pay for only one coffee, so I do. He bullied, I paid....that would look like a fucking date to me no? We sat outside, drank iced coffees and spoke of things that both angered us and made us say, "Hmmmmmm" at the same time. We talked about how Bush spoke to the nation last night and how no one really believes, nor gives a shit what he says anymore. Even support from his evil Repub boys is starting to wane.

I took "W" home and drove around awhile contemplating my next few moves. Is grad school the right thing for me? Or am I just setting myself up for a shit-ton more stress, aggrevation and bullcorn? Why the hell can't I just get the fuck out of here and move someplace where hopes and dreams don't go to die? Why can't I just move someplace and be ok with not knowing or having anything? Why haven't I been able to listen to the new MxPx disc I bought over a week ago.

These thoughts spun around in my head as the chorus from Coldplay's new sure-to-be smash hit, Fix You looped in my head. Now I sit here typing to appease the voices in my head as well as my vast readership from the great, white north and all points south, listening to Snow Patrol, unable to understand why my mood is not improving. When I was a teen, there was a certain comfort in melancholia but I'll be damned if life has become any easier since then. The world's answer is to go to the pharmacy and if you can't afford drugs, well then just suffer. Fuck that, life was not supposed to be like this. There is no way JC ( and I'm not talking about James Cameron) planned for it to suck hard.

I know we all need to take baby steps and take them one day at a time, but if that is the case, how the fuck are we supposed to get anywhere?

Be well,
JJ