Wishful thinking...

I sit here...

and it's almost as late as when you and I would stay up and talk about nothing and everything at the same time.

on the red velvet couch
or
under the stars
or
in your room

and to be honest, I really have know idea who you were/are to walk into my life. to have that profound of an affect on someone amazes me. I admit sometimes it does more than that, sometimes it just fucking scares me...

shakes me to my core and makes me think more than when we would imagine countless possibilities.

and it's cold
and quiet
and ever song reminds me of you
or some thing we
did
said
talked about

and its all just bullshit

cause if I had the power to
I would travel back in time
and say everything I needed to
when it needed to be said
and then maybe things would be right
maybe we'd be ok
maybe you'd still be happy
maybe I wouldn't be used to seeing 4:00am on my clock
cause I had a dream about you so real
I woke up with tears in my eyes
cause I wanted to sleep forever
just to have five more minutes with you

and I want to hate you cause it would be so much easier...
so much easier

but whether you want to admit it or not

I love you. I always have and always will

and if by the grace of God I find someone to distract me from this lonely race, know you are not forgotten
ever

cause I'd drop everything in a minute for you
and that may
sound
weak
pathetic
or like I need help

but to bring out the best in someone is the greatest gift you can give.
and around you I didn't feel like such a misfit
and not a day goes by where I dont see your face someplace
and for that split second, I smile and its all ok

I know you probably will never see this
and if you do, it won't matter
cause we havent spoken in forever +1
and I dont even know who to blame for that
but even friends keep in touch

and so I'll remember those long nights on the red velvet couch
where we said nothing
and stared into each others eyes
and connected.






I hope you all are well.

cheers,
JJ