Wanna know what...

what the last two things I thought before falling asleep were?

how the fuck am I going to wake up for 6am? & I bet being a garbage man is a pretty sweet gig.

first off, when you snap awake at 3:12am, like you know its the end of the world, getting up for work is
pretty low on your list of priorities. Unfortunately, falling back to sleep is also a bit challenging.
fortunately for me, I have several tried and true methods, all of which failed me last night.

so there is the issue of having to work a 16 hour shift on about three hours and twelve minutes sleep
and that my friends
just flat out sucks
to speak plainly
but
we're made of tough stuff here at Jackass Headquarters
and with any luck I won't kill or permanently maim anyone today

oh yeah
the garbage man gig
like seriously
usually, the gmen
are well compensated
don't have to listen to the trash talk back
and in some cases
work on their own
in trucks which pick up the trash for them

which would seem to me to be
pretty close to the perfect gig

if there is such a thing

cause when you don't have to worry about
all that other nonsense
it frees your mind and soul
to do other things
like sing a happy song
or
put time and thought into
other things
like
that book you want to
read or write
taking your dog for a walk
and even
how sweet the love
you are going to make
to your love
is actually going to be

but I just finished my coffee
so the only thing on my mind
is
Aw fuck...I gotta go to work.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Bought a new belt...

In my business I see two kinds of people.

well maybe it's not as cut and dry as that but, most of the time it sure does feel that way.

there are those who can't help themselves and those who won't.

its hard for me to give a shit about the ones who won't help themselves because, to me, it just reinforces the time tested adage of, "you can lead a horse to water but, you can't make him think..." my co-workers and I offer a ton of direction and positive advice. however, more often than not, it falls on deaf ears. I get it, I'm not going to save everyone, nor should everyone be saved. I think Darwin would agree with me there. However, it would be a much needed shot in the arm, pat on the back etc,. to see something good happen once in a while.

im sure there are those of you who think I'm a bit, cold or unfeeling. In my business you almost have to learn to disconnect somewhat. if not, you'll be eaten alive, one way or the other.

its the ones who can't help themselves i'm haunted by. those are the ones I actually sometimes think about after my feet walk out the back door and i'm freed of work responsibilities. especially those who recognize their own shortcomings, to have someone verbalize to you that, "they hate themselves for being so crazy..." and deep down, you know they are indeed crazy, how does your heart not hurt just a little? we all carry a burden of some kind, a skeleton or two in our closets, but to know you are just not the same mentally, for whatever reason as the other members of society, "deemed fit to care for themselves, " that has to be a little fucked up.

with that, I need to eat and shower before another day of the grind. be grateful for your health, as relative as that may be. let those in your life know how much you appreciate them. live the life you dream about living.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

The Wonderful Future...

Hey 2010, where the fuck is my flying car?

Why can't I shower and dress like George Jetson?

let's not be a big fucking disappointment like oh nine.

at any rate

I've been up for just over two hours
early on a day off
bed made
coffee made
shoveling done
load of laundry done
breakfast eaten
wtf

thats what I get for not being able to sleep
not really sure what the cause of that was
but Im going to go with too much caffeine
definitely going to cut back on the coffee intake today
maybe not take the green tea tabs at dinner either
yes I got shit done
but paid a heavy price

glad the shoveling is out of the way
but I really wanted to go to the gym this am
as I was shoveling I could could hear
people in warmer climates
giggling as they completed lengthy
periods of beauty sleep

...and she wants me to move back to the midwest...

I'd have to be on crack rock

I want sunshine and palm trees
hot summers and with the possibility
of a shoreline breeze
baseball games on the weekend
thunderstorms to lull me to sleep
none of this
“were expecting a high of 60 today”
in the middle of june

I was fucking crazy last night
like manic
even for me
took a lot for me to pass out
though I didn't use the melatonin
should have
maybe would have slept better
six of one, half a dozen of the other

with my luck I would have slept past noon
missed the gym
missed the morning
and would have woken to
having to shovel
a foot and a half of snow
at least this way its all done
and even if there needs to be a touch up job
its not like Im going to be postal doing it

maybe I will even get to the gym today
either way

I hope you all are well.

Happy New Year & Cheers,
JJ