Over & Over...

I'm getting headaches
tension...anxiety...maybe anxsion
either way they can go fuck themselves
cause I know they are work related, driven by work, caused by having to
show at a place that makes me crazy
but I know I have to endure cause I need
health insurance and otherwise I will
shrivel up and die

or

at
least that is what
I
have been made to believe


so...yeah, newsflash: the economy is in the shitter
everyone and their brother is out of work
and if you are lucky enough to still have job
your employer holds it to your head, asking
“do you feel lucky punk?”

I like what I do
I'm very good at what I do
but there is only so much weight you can pile on the camel
before the camel tells you, “go fuck yourself...”

right now I'm trying to clear the dust out of my mouth
forcing facial muscles to form words
trying to catch enough breath
to push them out of my lungs

In other news...

writing class starts this week
not sure why I'm doing this
the only person I write for is me
in notebooks
journals
sometimes here on this blog

my fucking head is killing me
time to crunch down some:
melatonin, DDP & call it a day

I hope you all are well.


Cheers,
JJ

Bullshit Weather Report...

It's 7:23 in the morning
I've been up almost an hour
went to sleep way to late last night
at least my brain & body feel that way

started the day off with an,”Oh shit...” moment
1 and ½ to 2 tablespoons of coffee per 8 ounces of water
for a cup
not 8 tablespoons and 16 ounces of water

never have been able to get the whole, “math thing”

I dwnldd, “A Positive Rage” by The Hold Steady the other day
really want to listen to it but I know I'm not in the right frame of mind
at least not yet
no coffee, no breakfast, no gym, no Hold Steady...at least not yet

So I substitute
Husker Du's, “Candy Apple Grey”
which seems appropriate
as I look out the window to see the weather not cooperating again

c'est la vie

what else is new right?

first couple of sips of coffee down, things will be alright
I concede...I give...I'm old
at least I feel it
I long for the days of 19 when 4 hrs of sleep was as good as
8 or ten
but not quite as good as the debut album by pearl jam
though some would argue with me
thats fine
many pj songs stand the test of time

I'm fighting the urge to go back to bed/take a nap/get unconcscious in my recliner
spell check just told me I spelled unconscious wrong and I can't figure it out
better luck next time I guess
need to go to the gym and get ugly
I mean like disgustingly sweaty
gross
to the point where I wonder if it's my own ass I'm smelling
burn some fat
burn the candle at both ends

I'm in the middle of a good book
a memoir
seem to be on a non fiction kick
tell you about it when I'm done

probably have more to say
but can't untangle it all
not right now
so I leave it to you

I hope you all are well...

Cheers,
JJ

Here We Go Again...

I know i've spoken about the wonder which is Pandora so I will leave it be
but just so you know, it's kicking my ass right now...in a good way.

I had today off and I guess I was tired cause I ended up sleeping late
obscenely late
like so late I'm embarrassed to say how late here
but since I wasted most of the day unconscious, I opted not to attend a training today
so I'm not one step closer to a raise my place of employment neither wants, nor is able to give
me

Reef called and asked me to come over and hang out
since we haven't seen each other since Abe Lincoln was voted captain of his high school debate team
I drove over
she made me a steak with Montreal seasoning
there was wine
I opted out since
I'm in training

We talked of work, our current economic situations, the lack of love in our lives
she recommended some glasses of wine
again I refrained, for fear I would turn into a weepy mess
not from sadness but frustration
I'm just back from being laid off
I don't want / need to go there again

Tomorrow we have the company, “welcome spring” party
Reef revp'd for me without asking
so I will go
and hang out with a bunch of people
who sent out letters this week
telling those who were laid off
“they are weak staff, therefore the layoff”

Personally I think its all bullshit
and I'm not really in a partying kind of mood
Reef said we should hold hands all night
just to stir up the pot a little
I remember the last time I played “pretend”
last time I did, it was the most painful game I've ever played

I think it was the Backstreet Boys who sang
“Quit Playing Games with My Heart” but don't quote me on that


While I haven't been here a lot, there has been writing going on
maybe at another secret location, like a livejournal
or one of those composition notebooks, you know what I'm talking about
the ones the “less fortunate” kids got made fun of for having
cause their notebooks didn't have pictures of Snoopy, My Little Pony or some other bullshit
and now every “dark and brooding emotional soul” commits feelings to paper in them
making them seem trendy
whatever

Hey Hammmaah...

I got forced to work longer than usual tonight.

Not that I mind the overtime, but when you've had a long shift
and you are anxious to get out, get home and get your pants off
another hour and a half added on to the end of the night is like
a major bite in the ass

but I made it home
alive
not alive with the glory of love
but alive

just finished House
can't decide if I want to
write
read
or maybe just listen to podcasts till I fall asleep

I'm not in school this semester
I thought I would be angrier about that
maybe I would be if I thought there were more
I could have done about it

just makes me hate money that much more

Which makes me realize
my next check
the one without 20 over time hours
is going to be nowhere near as fat as the past one

Tis hard not be somewhat let down buy that
considering I will be in the City of Angels
in less than two months
vacation requests need to go in yesterday

Need to get taxes done
need to get hair done
need for my nursing degree to be done
need needing stuff to be done

Tomorrow, if I am a good guy
I will wake early enough
to get to the post office
and gym before work

too bad I had my black hat on today
and my black shirt
cause you know what 3rd Bass says about that

maybe I deserve the gas face...
methinks not

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Thaw...

I haven't written shit lately 'cause there hasn't been shit to say.

but tonight breaks the silence.
I just feel like I need to download some shit
clear my head so to speak
just bang it out

I'm not in classes this semester due to some financial shit
that makes me pretty angry
life is all about math, money and numbers
at least that's how it seems to me

So when I'm going to work, wishing I was doing something else
I can think about all the money I'm spending to get my grades released
so I can spend more money
and go to more school...so I can go to work

yeah

At work tonight I slipped on the ice
I fell and broke my ass
and possibly my iPod, in my jacket pocket
of the hip I went down on

I haven't even checked to see what the damage is yet
cause if the iPod is a fatality
I'm going to be really pissed
cause I don't have the dough to replace it

and that shit will come in really handy on my trip to Los Angeles in April

if it's not a fatality that is...

So there will be summer classes
and a whole shit load of credits next fall
cause I can't do what I'm doing much longer
I need a break and a raise

right now I have more PTO than God and no time or money to go anywhere

Last week even God said, “damn man, you need a vacation!!”
“ain't that the truth” I said
and a case of Diet Mug Root Beer and a case of Diet Dr. Pepper fell from the sky
and God said, “For all you do, these 2 litres are for you...”

and me and the man upstairs winked and fist bumped one another

It's an odd thing, fist-bumping the almighty
stings and tickles at the same time
but goes really well with the winking
at least that's how I felt

at any rate...

I'm still all set with this winter shit
people who live in snowy or colder places
are just crazy or masochistic or both cause
fuck that...who needs it?

cause whats better than
a tangerine, a cool drink
a beach chair and some sunny quiet time
6 inches of powdery-white back ache?

fuck that.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

The score in my head...

Even when...

I'm all fired up and pissed off, this can make me smile.



I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
jG

Spoiler Alert....

In case you are looking for a laugh out loud or feel good post of the week, this is not the place to come. Right now I'm trying to figure out how, we as humans, have reached a point in time where we will trample someone to death to get a bargain on a product, that is a WANT and not a NEED. IF you have no idea what I'm talking about, check it out here.

Things, bling, stuff...we chase all of this stuff, myself included. However, I've never been at a point where I wanted something so bad, I said to myself, “I'm going to get the new Kelly Clarkson cd and I'm going to walk over any motherfucker who gets in my way, cause I deserve it and want to be the first person to put my hands on it.” In addition to getting caught up in the pursuit of meaningless minutia, I've also worked for the devil himself and know full well what Wal*Mart Stores are capable of. There will of course be the code of silence applied to all store personnel and I'm sure jobs will be threatened. Wal*Mart will also employ more spin than a pro-bowler to the media. Damour, the poor soul, trampled to death at the Valley Stream Wal*Mart, was first listed as a hire from a temporary agency, hired to do maintenance in the store.

Sounds plausible enough, he could have been there washing floors or performing other night shift, janitorial duties. Maybe he was actually fixing something like the door, that ultimately gave way and led to his demise? At any rate, one day after this tragic event, I'm reading stories trying to make it appear as if Damour could have possibly been employed as one of the hired, extra security staff. FUCK YOU WAL*MART and FUCK YOU CORPORATE AMERICA! More blood is on your hands and motherfuckers don't think that people are not watching. Let's not leave it up to the temp agency to insult Damour's family by sending them flowers. Wal*Mart should pay for all burial expenses and set up Damour's family for life. Will they? Probably not. There will be some lame excuse like, “the local authorities are looking into this to determine if there will be any criminal charges filed...” YOU BET YOUR SWEET REDNECK ARKANSAS ASS THERE WILL BE CHARGES. Charges of Criminal Negligence, among other things, but what's worse is when you have all the money in the world and an even better legal team, there is no way any of those charges will ever hold up in court.

Still feel good? Still smiling...ok. How about this one?

8 Year old who vowed his 100th spanking would be his last, kills dad.

Anyone see a problem with that? No, I'm not talking about the murder part. I'm talking about a case of criminal neglect, child abuse and a bunch of other things we are probably not privy to.

There is no reason an eight year old should have been spanked one thousand times. None. I'm sorry, you can tell me I don't know what it's like cause I don't have kids and you're right I don't, but I also have been a child and know what spanking is. In addition to that I work with abused children and see every fucking day, the emotional and psychological damage done to kids by parents who don't have any right applying for a library card, let alone having a child. Here's a quick parenting tip: Set expectations. Just like this poor boy did, “Hey the thousandth time you spank me, I'm going to kill you...” He let them know, he kept track, think those spankings didn't mean too much? Think again.

We're turning into a bunch of fucking savages...

I hope you all had a great holiday weekend and remembered what is important with those you love.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

too tired to put anything of any worth down, but I can let you know it is 5:15am and sleep is nowhere to be found.

I'm tired, sore and just want to find a way to put my mind to rest...

so, it's off to download more podcasts and then hopefully to sleep.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Shocker...

went to bed at 4:20am this morning, insert corny stoner joke here...

watched Scarface for the first time ever and didn't know it was two hours and fifty minutes long. Enjoyed the movie but still am not convinced it's Pacino's best work. At any rate here are the things winding my clock.

Gas prices...

Has anyone noticed how gas used to be eleventy billion dollars a gallon and now here in the good old ocean state, you can drive to your local stop and shop and get it for about $1.89 a gallon? Shit, I thought I drove through a wormhole the other day and got transported back to 1999. How? When? WHY did gas prices start to drop?

Methinks this is the calm before the storm...

There has been some rumbling about a plan. One that would free the U.S. from dependence on foreign oil and one that could both create jobs in America and help put cleaner running, more fuel-efficient cars on the road. Where is said plan coming from? From Texas of course! Read all about it right here. While people marvel over the idea that gas prices could fall back down to almost reasonable rates, they forget that the surge in non-natural gas prices will continue. Moreover the addition of these new cars will encourage the gas companies to hump us for as long as possible. Pickens predicts gas being $5/gallon as early as next summer... HOLY JUMPING CHRIST!!! Time for this guy to buy a moped.

Down with the King...

Thanks to Ktech for this update on our favorite fast food royal.

Burger King to go high-end...

Ok, let's be honest, when we think fast food, we're in a rush, are caught up in the tornado of stress eating or it's 2:30 / 9:30 in the morning and you've tried to drink like you're in college again and needs the grease to keep from being D.O.A from a hangover...

but really do the clown, the king or that little red-headed slut ever evoke an image of a high-er end food experience? Maybe so, but only after about 6 hours of mario-kart and countless bong rips...

For Burger King to think they will pull business away from the casual restaurant, and I'm assuming they mean the, Chili's, TGIFridays, Ground Rounds, Perkins of the country versus other fast food shits... is sheer lunacy.

Ribs? Are you kidding me? Look at a competitors business model. Rockdonald's only brings out the McRib once a year at MOST cause it give the general public time to forget how shitty it actually is! Ribs...King please! Thick-er burgers... Shit, I got roped into the angus-steakhouse-porkpackge-whatever-you-want-to-call-it burger once...ONCE! Supposedly, the higher grade meat contributes to a better tasting burger.

Hmmm...maybe this is true back in soviet russia, cause the steakhouse burger I got tasted like someone kicked the asshole out of an out-to-pasture stud horse and then put it on some high-falutin' bullshit roll versus the sesame seeded bun we've come to love and be addicted to. Long story short, having to retool your restaurants with equipment to allow the cooking of ribs and thick-er burgers in this economy is just tomfoolery...plain and simple. Fear not as the dollar menu is not going anywhere. This is a god-send cause I know when my ass is in a knot, nothin' fixes it quicker than a rodeo cheeseburger or two and a diet coke.


Finally...

Pat riots on the Pat-riots

Tom Brady, easy on the eyes, seems to be a nice guy, heck of a quarterback, sold his sole to the devil to go 19-0....ooops went to the well one to many times.

Senior Touchdown is getting bent over by the gossip rags and websites for being seen “walking unaided” around town with Gisele. Am I a life long New Englander, yes. Am I a Patriots fan, yes. Do I think Tom may not be taking his injury and rehab as seriously as he should be...maybe yes, maybe no, but let's not forget some stuff. I can go to work everyday of the week and chances are I can screw up. If I do, no big deal, learn from it and move on. When I leave there is not a press corps waiting to interview me on how bad I feel about blowing it for the team and the scores of fans. Next, even though work can sometimes get pretty hairy, there are not people trying to kill me every weekend, nor are there bounties placed on my head by my coworkers. Let's face it being a QB in the NFL can be the sweetest job, in Brady's case or the worst job, where ultimately you wind up getting in about 5-10 car accidents in one day. Yes, it's a game and these men on their pedestals get millions of dollars to play a game but how much lifelong physical and mental damage can we put a price on?

Now I know some may say well Tom is out screwing around and not rehabing or supporting the team. Fair enough, but when you're thinking that, just remember the days you've called out “sick” or just needed a mental health day and then think about the pressure on Brady. Fact of the matter is if I had the resources and lawyers Tom did, no camera-toting jackass would speak to me like that...ever.

Let's drink till we can't feel feelings.

Yours in Pawtucket,
--Pawtucket Pat

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Beginning of a tough weekend...

even though by the time you read this, it will already be Monday.

Friday had the potential to totally suck rocks but gratefully it got better. Started off having to wake at 0'Dark:30 because the furnace man was coming to work in the rental unit. Yours truly needed to be awake to let him in. So I was, a half hour before he arrived. I thought a half hour was respectable enough for me to not look like I just rolled out of bed. However it was cold and my hoodie and pajama pants didn't help. I totally looked “go college.”

furnace man shows up and seems to be a decent enough guy, minimal small talk, gets right to work. As I am leading him down to the turn-of-the-century basement, mom calls my cell...

Yes, I'm up.
No, I'm up...really.
I'm not 19 anymore...I'm responsible.
He's right here next to me, want to talk to him?
Furnace guy: Can you go and turn the thermostat as high as it will go?
I'm on it.
No mom, that was the furnace guy.
What?
Bad news...go ahead.

and then she hit me with it...

My dog had passed on. Maybe passed on is not the right way to describe it, cause my dad had to put him down. But mom said, “we lost Buster...” as if he was misplaced. For a moment, I really hoped he had ran out of the house and was on the lamb, but deep down I knew what she meant. A 14 year-old bassett hound does not run away from a fireplace, two hots a day and probably as many walks, especially not when he has someone who loves him as much as my dad did.

There was more small talk between my mother and I, not that I can recall what was said, but, we exchanged good byes. I hung up and for a second sat down and just wished the fucking furnace man could be done. I wanted a few seconds alone. Maybe not to wail and gnash my teeth but, if I did want to do that, it would be ok.

he came upstairs about 15 minutes later, handed me a bill and then started with the small talk again. Asking if, “I had grown up in this area?” I told him he had and he name dropped some names on me. Names from my childhood and early adolescents. Names of kids who used to beat the shit out of me and torment me just for fun. Three brothers, two legit, one adopted, all mostly assholes. One is a cop, the other owns his own landscaping business and the third..well he just looks like a full-time prick. Driving around in his Mercedes convertible, trying to not let his thinning hair and bald spot show.

I didn't regale furnace man with tales of times gone by. I wanted him to go so I could be alone and start my day. He left. I took some time to think about my dog. I cried. I'm not above admitting it. There are certain bonds when created it takes a death to end them. My bond with Buster was good but not as strong as his bond with my father. For whatever reason my parents don't really associate with a whole lot of people. Not to say they're shut-ins or snobs but they still work a great deal and volunteer, so their free time is limited and often they just want alone time, much like myself.

My dad would get up every morning and go to the bathroom, take his pills and feed Buster. After Buster ate there was a quick walk and then dad and Buster would hop in the car. They would drive off the island to Tim Horton's where my dad would get a coffee and donut combo. The coffee for my dad, the donut for Buster. From what both my parents tell me, Buster was quite a hit at the drive-thru and usually he was salivating just waiting to pull into the window.

My dad grew up an only child, in a cold house, not to say he was not loved, but communication was not a strong suit of either my paternal grandparents. Grandad ha seen some shit in WWII and afterward, worked for the FBI for a short time. My grandmother, armed with a high school education, worked as a nurse for about a hundred years. After retiring, she donated about two thousand gallons of blood and did hospice visits or something or other. My dad had a good child hood, like me he was a fat kid, but I'm sure he wanted for nothing. He grew up with three or four great friends, two of which he is still in contact with and occasionally sees. Buster however, was a constant. Always around, always looking to see what my dad was up to...where he was going...and if there might be a treat involved.

The last two dogs my family has had have been bassetts. Rosebud, Busters predecessor, died early, we think she ate some rat poison and hemorrhaged to death cause our local vet was, “too busy” to take her. Buster on the other hand lived to be fourteen and had been in declining health. My dad was away at a conference when Rosebud died. I think he felt some sense of responsibility, I'm not sure why.

Dad was the only one around when the vet found a softball sized tumor on Buster's spleen. Mom told me that he called her at work, she has been working at the school she retired from just to pick up some extra money. “Wait...wait..wait..let me be there with you, “ she told me she told my father over the phone. He told her, “not to worry, that he could do this and not to bother leaving work.” He was the only one around when he made the decision. He was the only one around when his best friend was put to sleep.

Even now, there is a part of me that wants to know what was going through his head at that point. Not because I want him to relive a major tragedy in his life, but to gain from his experience. My dad has always been the greatest example of strength to me and I'm sure he felt anything but strong at that point. Part of me wants to give him a big hug and let him know he provided a wonderful life for Buster and that dog could not have asked for better owners and friends than my parents. But I won't say anything because I know how hard it is for him to express his feelings and even though I know it's cathartic for some, I think my dad is better left alone.

I finish this post tired and teary-eyed at the loss of a great friend and wonderful pet. I've been trying to take comfort in the fact that like the movie says, “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” I want to believe that. It is my firm hope and belief Buster has crossed the Rainbow Bridge without issue and is playing with all of his new found friends.

Rest In Peace Buster, we will miss you very much!

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Checking in...

I was hungry, I mean like really hungry. The kind of hungry where you wake up and you immediately know you've contracted the worst case of food poisoning ever or that you need to eat with in 15 minutes, or the hurling will be legendary.

So off to Stop&Shop I go. Bagel, butter, two bottles of peach flavored water.
back home.
scrambled eggs (2) some shredded cheddar and some Cholula. (If you haven't tried it and you like hot sauce, get on it)
toasted bagel, big...BIG cup of coffee
now I wait for everything to fill the void.

sitting here banging away on the keyboard seems so foreign. Like, I almost have a sense of guilt in having not written for so long.
Not just not written here, but written anything.
I remember when fall was a time where my writing flowed like sands through the hourglass.
when my thoughts and images were sharp and clear like Waterford crystal and my only limitation was how fast I could type.

the novelty has not worn off but its not as shiny and inviting as the other toys on the playroom floor
sleep
school work
reading the blogs of others...jealous
blog envy
what the fuck
how stupid is that
how lame and Gen Y is that

Not jealous of hits
or
comments
or
pro bloggers
or even
A-listers
but of their ability to bang it out
everyday
without
fail
or hesitation
nonstop
regardless of the obstacles

Of all the things I envy consistency the most
true grit
determination
not phoning it in

Cup check time...

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Final Countdown...

No doubt we've all been following the coverage of the upcoming election. If not, what the hell could possibly be more important? The fact the fate of our country, the UNITED States of America lies in the next election can not be ignored. The title United States no longer works as a name for the land we all love so much. Never have I seen so many people divided by class, race, religion, sex, economic background, education, sexual preference and the list goes on and on. Where is the breaking point? How much more failure can we endure before the nation as a whole crumbles?

Our only hope, yours and mine lies in change and that change is to vote OBAMA / BIDEN in November.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

New School / Olde School

Ahhh!!! Procrastination will be the fucking death of me!

So much to do this week, I might freak out. It's going to be interesting. Most of what is on the “to do list” is top secret, lucky for you, blogging(?) is not on the, “to do list.”

Last night I did go and witness the rebirth of the rock. Old friends' new band played at The Living Room and I'm happy to report that it's still the filthiest fucking club in the known universe. Those of you whom I went to college with, who witnessed the filth that was the floor of Jake's/Bangers/whateveritwascalledafter2000, this place makes that look like a hospital. Anywho, new band went on at 8:30, which was great for my old man ass. I can't be raging and rocking into the wee hours of the morning any more, not and hope to be any sort of productive at least.

Show was good, music is not quite my cup of tea, a little dirty 70's rock. Stuff I wasn't into a bazillion years ago, but I have to say that it was one of the most solid performances and best sounding sets I've ever heard in that dump. The headliner...Overcast, was a band I used to really, really dig in the early ninety's. The played the type of hardcore that was just brutal and Overcast came to be a staple of the New England Hardcore Scene. How they were repeatedly passed over by indie metal labels, I have no idea. I would have love to have stayed and been aurally abused by Overcast, but recent illnesses, my hunger and a few other things told me to go home. As I sit here and write this post, I'm listening to Reborn to Kill Again, a re-recording of all old Overcast songs, by Overcast. I have to tell you, I'm kicking myself in the ass for not finishing the gig last night.

However, there are just some places you don't even want to be confronted with having to take a shit.

23 Rathbone Street
Providence, RI 02903
happens to be one of those places.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

What?!?!

I'm a man of reasonable patience but shit is getting crazy yo...

I waited in line for gas for 45 minutes...eff that!

today I went to the Stop&Shop you know, cause it's the grocery store near my house, that also sells gasoline, and they have this cool rewards program, hooked up to the little card you scan every time you shop. Something to the effect of, spend x amount of dollars get y cents off of a gallon of gas. Not only does this give me incentive to shop more...to earn more $$$ off of gas, but it gives me an incentive to buy better, more expensive food, thus eating better.

...not that I live on koolade and moon pies mind you, but I have been known to still rock the ramen noodles, even as a grown adult. Eating ramen kind of makes me mad, cause I made a promise to myself that I would never eat it again, after college. However, the summer that I worked on the landscaping crew at school, and essentially lived on ramen, was one of the best summers ever. Not cause of the ramen mind you, but the camaraderie of a bunch of misfits doing back breaking manual labor, for pennies an hour, and we still felt like we had the best jobs in the world. Yeah, there was a fuck-load of shit to get done everyday and the heat and humidity were often lunacy but it was still just sheer awesomeness.

Wake up usually around 5:50 am to roll into the clothes you wore yesterday to get to the maintanence dept for 6:00
punch in
wait for bosses to show up at 7:00
some would sleep more
some would chat it up
I would eat my “breakfast ramen” dry, no seasoning, like raw spaghetti...
mmm...delicious

Boss man and sidekick would show at 7:00
both bleary-eyed from a long night of drinking
much like the rest of us
give us shit for not working yet
when all the equipment was under their locks and keys

decent size team
two trimmers
two mowers
two ride ons
and the flower bed girls

7:30 and the humidty already ridiculous
ramen gone
four cups of water down
half a mile of grass cut already
seven hours of work left

on to next job
Yon's field, Yon's the Bro's house
passed the first bowl to pass the time
mow and trim and mow and trim and mow and trim
water break
holy shit it's 10:15
coffee break consisting of one lunchable and either mountain dew or chocolate milk, depending on humidity
rush back to work, corn nuts rattling in a pocket
off to the president's house
but first, a stop at the pole barn
...another bowl
mow...trim...mow...trim...mow...trim...trim...mow
so effin' hot
five cups of ice water
corn nuts for the salt
guy from malaysia in a long sleeve rugby shirt and corduroys...laughing at all of us
12:00

If we had money, 5 minutes down the road for two ham'n'cheese samiches and the biggest mt dew ever
no cash, back to the dorm, ramen with water dumped out, no seasoning, either hot sauce/ketchup/hot mustard and a gallon of water
back to garage for 12:30, quick snooze under the trees
1PM let's hit 'er
no more grass to smoke but plenty to cut
ripping on one another during water breaks
raunchy jokes
butt-nut fights
wondering if it's possible to sweat anymore
no more corn nuts

finish with current job and hide out for half hour in a/c cooled building
someone always on watch for the boss
running out the back door, equipment primed and ready to go
back to sweat pouring and smelling like hard work and filthy ass
hour later back at the garage, packing it in, boss with dilly bars for all
stretch out the cramps and cool down
walk over to punch out
climb mt. olympus to go home shower and do it all again
in 12 hours

So bitter right now...

There's been a whole lot of thinking going on and not a whole lot of writing. I'm not wasting time with an apology cause for one, I'm not really sorry and two, what's the point? If people were really interested with what is going on, the emails, calls and such would have been coming in. Here again this is not me looking for sympathy, empathy or anything ending in athy, it's just one guy speaking his mind on his feelings.

Back to the aforementioned thinking...

damn, you know you have a lot on your mind when if you don't keep yourself busy, you start to think in monologues, soliloquies or asides. Usually when this happens, I take it as a sign to start blogging but what if I really don't have anything to say? Then my incessant rambling becomes nothing more than, “today I got up and had some breakfast...” So what? Most people do both of those things, wake up and or at some point during the day, eat something. Just because it may not be morning, does not mean you can't call your first meal of the day breakfast.

This is all going to seem disjointed and purposeless but I have to get it all out or I think I might scream. I fucking hate being responsible and having a great work ethic. Why? Because today is probably the best day of the summer and I'm going to spend inside a fucking stinky and filthy building at work. Today I am going to have to pretend like I give a shit about things I can neither control, nor change, instead of sit outside and read a book, go for a walk in the park or any of a million and a half things I would rather be doing than being at work. What's more annoying? I have not had more than three days off in a row ( I know this is not the norm and that we all only usually get 2 day weekends) in a fucking year. I have not asked to take vacation time even though I have a ton of it, and moreover I'm going to let that shit build until they either force me to take it or tell me I either have to take time out or sell some days back to the agency.

Not a cloud in the fucking sky mid to high 80's with a slight breeze. How do you get any better than that? The only way to make that better is to put my ass in a chair on a tropical beach, with an endless supply of diet soda and a stack of good books. I would be ok with not going to work today even if no one was around to hang out. Even if all I did was to sit in my back yard and read in the sun.

This leads into my next point. School.

Can I tell you how not amped I am to have the semester starting in like a week? Not very. The last thing I want to have to do is have all of my waking free time, with my nose in a text book or going over video tutorials or making flash cards. On top of all of that having to spend my other waking hours at a job that I'm torturing myself with school so I can get away from my place of employment, as soon as fucking possible, is not really high on my list of shit to do either. I don't do well when I'm sleep deprived. I mean I can function albeit barely but what's worse is I know that I'm busting my ass to get through nursing school so that I can stop working second shift, only to be an RN and have to start at the bottom and work either second or even third shift until I have paid my dues and a day shift slot opens up.

When the hell did the fun monster come and eat my life? I feel like I've done nothing and do nothing but work. I have not been to the beach once, nor driven down to my parents place because my fucking car will blow up and who has an extra $900 laying around, for repairs, when gas is eleventy billion dollars a gallon?

I'm looking forward to taking the week of Thanksgiving off and going to NYC to see some old friends from school. What's going to be funny is when people bitch and complain about me getting to take a holiday off, after I have not taken more than one day off, and I have more seniority then almost everyone else (barring two guys who have 5 years more time in than me) on my unit. You know what? Go fuck yourself and cry about it to someone who gives a shit, I'm done.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Loser...

Not in my White House! I mean seriously, how much of a tool box can one be before the country just says, "NO"?

Why in the hell would anyone think that leaving kids in orphanages or in the custody of foster parents, (where honestly, they may or may not be in a less than pleasant living situation) is better than providing them with a loving home, albeit with two parents of the same sex?!?! Seems to me that good ol' Johnny Boy is more concerned with punishing the gay community and taking away their rights to be parents. In addition to this "enlightened" view, he also gets to make gay people, interested in adopting children, feel like second class citizens because, "same sex parenting goes against the moral fiber of this country."

Whatever...

So doesn't cheating on your wife or screwing male prostitutes in airport bathrooms, but that hasn't stopped some esteemed members of congress.

Give me a break.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Where did you go?

Yeah, I know its been like 2+ weeks since I've posted. I've been dealing with medical this and that and hopefully getting back on the right track. Life with diabetes is never easy and more often than not, the littlest wrench in the works can really fuck things up.

However, my blood work shows that I'm not as fucked as I though I was and that yes, there is still hope for me. Hooray! I have to be doing better than Stanley Kobierowski. Way to put Rhode Island on the map! We only get attention for the negatives like this jackhole.

At any rate, my best to all of you and you can expect a return to regular posting in the very near future.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Back to work...

Friday, after staying out till almost three on Thursday night seeing Hellboy II, I decided to take it easy and wake up...whenever.

I managed to make it up to my aunt and uncles for about twelve. They were just pulling in and we shot the breeze for awhile and then my uncle was headed back to the office.
his work is never done.

I walked inside and talked with my aunt for awhile, until she announced that she needed coffee and would I like some?
Hmm...lets see...it's eleventy billion degrees out and I've come to try and cool off and relax in the pool, hot coffee? No thanks.

My aunt, who is I think 60, described the temperature as, “walk in warm.” The pool was warm but maybe I'm just getting older, and my sensitivity to temperature is becoming more acute. It took me about five minutes before I was able to dive in and experience the crisp refreshing swim I had been missing for a couple of years. During our talk my aunt had mentioned global warming and how, earlier in the week, she had gone down to visit my parents and when she went in the ocean, it felt more like early August than early July. Nevertheless, I swam and floated around for about an hour and a half before I was all done. I dried off, sat for awhile and then packed to go home. My aunt, a voracious reader, gave me Joe Hills, “Heart Shaped Box.” A book I oddly enough learned about on myspace but still seemed interesting enough to read.
It's been a quiet but full weekend. After my swim, I drove home, ate a quick lunch and cracked the book. Two days later and I'm about 55% of the way through. It's basically a modern day ghost story with its own quirky references to current or recently current pop culture.

Last night was The Dropkick Murphy's and Mighty Might Bosstones at McCoy Stadium. The show overall was awesome but by 11pm I was done for the night or at least I thought I was. The Guy, Dubs and I left McCoy and received a call from El Capitan. El Capitan wanted to meet for beers and whiskeys at the dirty bar. After sitting out in the sun all afternoon, the last thing I needed was booze until closing time, but I was a good sport and after the Guy dropped us off, I accompanied Dubs to the bar to meet El Capitan and the missus. Two Heineken lights later and I could feel my head beginning to pound. When the hell was the last time I ate?

3 fried eggs and wheat toast at about 10 in the morning and since then, it's been nothing but beer and orbit gum...AWESOME

the bar closed and Dubs and I were starving, he also could not remember his last meal. There were options, most of them fast food or yuck truck related, but then like a beacon of hope, we remembered the CRUST. Golden Crust has probably the most delicious and reasonable eats around. Dubs got the world famous buffalo chicken pizza in large form. I ordered the 10 wing dinner and a small buffalo chicken pizza. 20 minutes later Dubs was splitting his pizza with his cat and I was watching Sin City and eating chicken wings. I finished the wings, but conked out way before the movie was over.

Woke up this AM, cleaned a little less than I would have liked to. Still tired from the show, took a nap and contemplated going for another swim. However, since it was Sunday and I was not working, I told my brother I would go to his softball game. Drove to Moonsocket, watched the game, came home and here I am.

Tomorrow I start with a new primary care physician, who I am sure is going to tell me, I'm too fat...don't eat anything...exercise more...AWESOME

I hope you all are well.


Cheers,
JJ

Coolest Saturday EVER...