Friday, July 01, 2005


I woke a little after 4:30 in the AM. That's O-dark:30 for you military folk. Again not sure if it's insomnia or just the fact that work is turning me into a waking up early machine. It's going to be a weird adjustment when I leave the Agency and not only will I be able to do things like make plans on the weekend, be able to attend church and not have to work every fucking holiday. However, I think it will be an adjustment I will be able to get used to.

Here is my review of those Crystal Light on the go packets.

Crystal Light on the go packets are the next best thing to sliced bread. This morning when I awoke and needed to take some medicine, my mouth and taste buds were just not feeling the H2O factor. So like Diet Jesus was in the house, I dumped one of those little packets into a bottle of water, gave the bottle a couple of shakes and jerkles and lo and behold I had a some tasty iced tea instead of plain old water. At four in the fucking morning yes, this does seem like a miracle. The best part about it was that it was cool, tasty and made those pills go down like a presidential intern.

I don't know how far West CVS extends itself, but I hope not to far. For those not in the know CVS stands for Convenience Value and Service, its a drug store chain here in the Northeast and I have yet to go into one and come out less than annoyed. Point being, I called in my prescription about 4 days ago. They ask you call 2 days ahead, being the cool guy I am, I give them a few extra days as I know we are all busy. This particular CVS, on the corner of Sunset and Mineral Spring, is always, always, always busy no matter what time you go there. This morning I was out of pills and needed to go make the pick up. I figured I was up early enough to go and get an iced coffee and not have to be a raging bear, first thing in the morning.

I was pleasantly surprised to see there were almost no cars in the lot, this never happens. I parked in the first non-handi spot infront of the store. Walking in there was no buzz of people trying to get over on one another and it was a nice feeling. I walked to the back of the store, picked up two bottles of Arizona No Carb Blueberry Green Tea (delicious) and walked to the pharmacy counter, where I was promptly ignored. Again, I know we're busy but when I am the only customer for miles and the drug phone is not ringing (especially not off the hook) I need to be paid attention to right quick. I figured pharma-girl maybe doing something important on the computer, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.


Minutes go by and I am still standing in line. I am still the only person for miles. I am looking for one of those bells you are supposed to ring, cause at this point I am gonna go fucking Donkey Konga on its ass. "Excuse me" I said in the most polite tone one can muster before 5 am. "Yeah, I see you. Just give me a minute." pharma-girl says. So she has acknowledged my presence and for all intensive purposes ignored me for the better part of 5 minutes. "No worries" I say not wanting to get myself or pharma-fuck further fired up cause I don't need to be fired up this early and she stands between me and the drugs I need. She comes over and asks for my name. "It'll be under Jackass, " I tell her. She fingers through the presciptions so fast it sounds like shes counting money.

"Yeah it's not here." she says and starts to move like she is going to go back to her computer. "I'm sorry there must be a mistake, I called it in four days ago. Could you please check again?" I really was trying to be as nice as possible. "Four days ago, why did you do that?" she says to me, looking at me like I'm the biggest asshole in the world. "You guys ask for us to call it in at least two days in advance." I said and I can feel my jaw muscles slowly tightening like the spring on a bear trap. "Yeah, that's dumb. Just make sure you call it in more than two hours next time," she says as she moves back towards the drawers of drugs.

I double-blinked, "I DID NOT just get called dumb before 5am, did I" echoed in my head. I was so sure that I imagined it, that I had to let it slide. After a few seconds of fidgeting, pharma-whore found my scrip and rang me out. "Don't call it in so far ahead next time, that's why it was so hard to find it, it was all the way in the back of the drawer" she muttered and took my money. I was so stunned I grabbed my stuff and started walking out. Not only had I received some really bad customer service, but I was called, "dumb" to boot. I sat back in the cockpit of the F1 and realized how it feels to get fucked by Speedy Gonzalez. Good thing there was blueberry green tea to drink at home otherwise, this post might have been much funnier and more interesting.

Well I mean come on, it is only 6, give a guy a break.



Boogie Pants Donavan said...

Oh man i would have thrown something at her. ESPECIALLY since i am such a morning person. Not only thrown something at her but she would have probably tried to kill herself after the barrage of insults that would have been tossed her way. Your composure was admirable- i only hope 1 day i can be as mature. Not today though- not today

n.v. said...

Sounds like every bitter cunt that works in a pharmacy. Pill pushing no-brains.

Why don't you just blaze?