I'm in neutral...

So here I am again at 3:43 in the morning, awake, when I should be sleeping. Drinking coffee when I should be sleeping, night dreaming of a different life, when I should be sleeping. Are we seeing a common and consistent theme here? I know I am.

I'm not sure if I went on a date tonight or not. I mean I could have, but at the same time I could have just gone and spent some time with someone I met through one of these damn social networking sites. At any rate, I was able to go and see Blithe Spirit at the TRC. I don't really remember what the last real show I saw was. I mean I saw Rent a few months ago, but if you're in the theater, musicals are generally not regarded as, “real theater” but more fluff or mind candy. Musicals are the Clive Cussler's and Stephen King's of the theatrical world. I will say it was cool to finally talk with TJ in person, versus through various forms of internet communication. I had a good time and oddly enough ran into someone from MN, who went to the same college as me, graduated from the same program I did, and even had some of the same friends as me, yet we never met. Not completely odd at a big school, but SMU was 1,500 undergrad if I was lucky. Sara was so surprised that we were meeting and running into one another. I guess that's how you view things when you live in such a huge state. Me, I can't go to the mall or the grocery store without running into at least three people.

My mind is tired but my body will not let me rest. There is an impending event, one which I will not mention, because I just want it to pass without too much fanfare. Work has been going well but to be honest, things change from one day to the next and often policies and procedures that were the standard the night before, often change before I punch in for my next shift. Being a person who is all about stability, safety and security, all of these fuckin' changes make me grumpy. I just want to go to work, do my job and go home. One could say that is the sentiment of someone who is not willing to go that extra mile. That may be true but if you have ever known me in any capacity, you know the last thing I am is lazy. You know the amount of abuse and nonesense I've put up with working at Bullshit Inc. over the past 4 years and you also know there are no perks to my job, other than the sense of personal satisfaction I have, knowing I make a difference in the lives of kids, who could give two shits about me. To them I am primarily a wallet and / or joykill. I used to get raises and tuition reimbursement at my job, but those have been gone for going on three years. People in my program make the most $$$ out of anyone in our agency. Come to find out, talking to a friend of mine, her brother started off making basically what I make, with no degree. That doesn't bother me too much, however, the fucking idiots I used to work with, the one who came in 3 years after me and was making .50 cents more an hour, and had no administrative responsibilities...that shit burns my ass. I hate my employer and can't wait to finish nursing school so I can get the fuck out of there.

This weekend there's a beer pong tourney at bfd's. Not sure if I want to go but at the same time, I'm not sure what else there will be to do. I mean I would like to hang with my family at some point. Even if that means I have to drive down the coast. I think the drive with some sunglasses, my ipod and hopefully not to much traffic will do me good. I can take some time to walk on the beach and let the brisk sea air wash over me, maybe even take some of the negatives and nasties away with it. Of course all of this will be interrupted by my boss calling me, asking if I want to go and get drunk, just like he does any other day ending in Y.

Saw Doomsday the other night. Total guy flick but I still enjoyed it. I will say this, there seems to be a disturbing trend in deadly plague/virus films and that shit scares me. Just the shots from movies like 28 Days Later, with the streets of London quiet as graveyard, or New York City over grown in vegetation, with wild animals running amok because humans no longer live there....gives me a case of the heebie jeebies.

Man, what I'd give for two weeks on a beach in Thailand right now.


I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ