Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm Calling Bullshit...

on everything I'm about to say so, here is my disclaimer.

even though my life is mostly an open book, here on the old bloggerooni
there are some things I choose not to share with everyone
"What might those things be", you ask?

well its not the fact that I get less ass than a freshman chess team geek
with a bad case of blackheads
and a peg leg


the fact I've an unabashed love of bad music (fightstar, less than jake, owl city)

or the fact sometimes I think the voices inside my head, as well as my depression will be the end of me...


It could very well be my personal struggle with diabetes...

It's not something I mention here often
just cause I know how much I hate whining
so why would I subject you to it

Recently I was hospitalized for the second time in eight months
due to complications from my diabetes
I would like to say everything was going swimmingly before that
but I don't lie here so why start now

after my first hospitalization, one in which the skin on the bottom front of my foot fell off
I was back on the straight and narrow
checking my blood sugar all the time

and then as it usually does
life got in the way
and I stopped testing my blood sugar
and due to working so much overtime
there was no time, nor energy to get to the gym
and my diet suffered, even beyond eating outside of what I know my diet to be

and again

I ended up in the emergency room of the local hospital on a Saturday night
with a foot that looked angrier than hell at me
and thoughts of amputation and such running through my head...

That's some tough shit to have to prep yourself for
especially at 37
especially when it is all preventable
especially when there was no one to point the finger at except myself

I have the best podiatrist/podiatric surgeon on the planet
and minor surgery and iv antibiotics
fixed everything
well almost
see I have to go back to follow up tomorrow
and all has been well since then, besides being out of work, there have been no complaints from me

the biggest things I've taken away from this whole ordeal are these
you don't get an endless supply of "warning shots"
I have the best family on the planet

During the course of the ordeal meds were switched around
changed, some eliminated altogether
I'm now on insulin

yep...I'm on the needle
once a day

for a guy who hates taking medication this is huge
and to be honest when they told me I was going to have to start shooting insulin, I was not sure how I felt about the whole situation
I mean it's not painful, but it is a pain in the ass and moreover, I STILL HATE TAKING MEDS
but since making the switch, my blood sugars have been great
I have felt better, I'm healing relatively well and the biggest change for me has been the ability to eat

When I was only on oral medication I was starving all the time. Literally walking around counting the minutes until the next time I could eat again
in some ways, that's like being in prison

There were days when I returned from the gym, after having worked out for and hour and a half, I would not be able to snack cause my sugar was, "just about where it should be..." which is fine & dandy but try going all day on little to no food. Trying to distract yourself/lie to yourself constantly that you're not hungry gets really old real quick. Now that I'm on the needle, I'm able to eat and feel full again.
I know what you are thinking...

"It's right back to pizzas & candy bars for this guy"

but it hasn't been bad at all
I eat
I feel satisfied
I go on with my day

I'm really interested to see how this will interact with my working out
once I am able to start up again
maybe there will be some wiggle room for cheats
but I'm not worried about that right now
and neither should you be ;)

I hope you all are well.


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