you are wondering, the world will end on a Thursday.
How do I know, you ask? It's really simple to be honest, my work week ends on Thursday. Therefore, in order for me to get to my weekend, I would have to survive the impending end of the world, apocalypse, whateveryouwanttocallit to get to the weekend.
If you know me, as some of you do, that shit just won't happen, cause it's the end of motherfuckin time and when the clock runs out... shit, it's game over!
Oddly enough tonight at work went by quickly, but it was hairy at times.
I'm not getting into specifics here cause well, that's just fucking boring but let's say there were flashing lights, police and maybe an ambulance or two.
After it all, I came home and all I wanted was a delicious snack, a cold shower and someone to play with my hair as I fall asleep. The shower was fucking fabulous, as for the rest of that shit, supposedly its still on it's way. The purchase order said the order will be filled by one: Claus, Santa, whoever the fuck that is?
It's 4am and while I would love to be asleep, something is keeping me awake. I know I have a ton of shit to do later on, stuff that just flat out needs to get done.
A LIST! I NEED TO MAKE A LIST TODAY.
bank
doctor
hair cut
phone calls
bunch of other stuff
with any luck, I'll get it all done and then some
Need to get some shut eye
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Today was kind...
of a wash.
Woke up with just enough time to
bang down some protein
put on work out gear
and drive
got to the gym ten minutes
before spin
put shoes on
stretch
fucking spin is cancelled
...
all dressed up and nowhere to go
...
I guess I could have stayed at the gym
worked out
throw some iron around
but it just seemed to make more
sense to leave and try and knock off
a few of the 247,832 thing to do
on my "get it done" list
so off I drove
back home
in a mere two and a half minutes
spin shoes off
lawn mowing shoes on
in heat similar to that of spin class
and Oh Yes, there was sweating done.
The grass got cut
and I felt like I had somewhat
of a workout
cause if you were as sweaty as I was
and didn't workout
or
get some of that sweet, sweet lovin'
I keep hearing the kids talking about
then get thee to a doctor
cause you gone die!
shower
attempted to get faux hawk
to short
maybe next week
I'm sitting here banging the keys
and a slight breeze blows in from the back yard carrying with it the scent of maple syrup or at least that's what my brain processes it as, which makes me think of oatmeal and cold winter mornings before school, which, is odd since I don't think I ever ate breakfast in the AM much after grade eight, and now I eat oatmeal all the time, regardless of the weather, because it is good for you
food seems like
a necessity and a good idea
chicken parm, maybe eggplant
maybe tuna and hot sauce
I'm not sure what dinner is going to bring
however
I do know there will
be stretching and ab work
and road work
yes that's right bitches
this guy is going to do some of what is known as jogging
its that time
and I've got
a
number
to
reach.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Woke up with just enough time to
bang down some protein
put on work out gear
and drive
got to the gym ten minutes
before spin
put shoes on
stretch
fucking spin is cancelled
...
all dressed up and nowhere to go
...
I guess I could have stayed at the gym
worked out
throw some iron around
but it just seemed to make more
sense to leave and try and knock off
a few of the 247,832 thing to do
on my "get it done" list
so off I drove
back home
in a mere two and a half minutes
spin shoes off
lawn mowing shoes on
in heat similar to that of spin class
and Oh Yes, there was sweating done.
The grass got cut
and I felt like I had somewhat
of a workout
cause if you were as sweaty as I was
and didn't workout
or
get some of that sweet, sweet lovin'
I keep hearing the kids talking about
then get thee to a doctor
cause you gone die!
shower
attempted to get faux hawk
to short
maybe next week
I'm sitting here banging the keys
and a slight breeze blows in from the back yard carrying with it the scent of maple syrup or at least that's what my brain processes it as, which makes me think of oatmeal and cold winter mornings before school, which, is odd since I don't think I ever ate breakfast in the AM much after grade eight, and now I eat oatmeal all the time, regardless of the weather, because it is good for you
food seems like
a necessity and a good idea
chicken parm, maybe eggplant
maybe tuna and hot sauce
I'm not sure what dinner is going to bring
however
I do know there will
be stretching and ab work
and road work
yes that's right bitches
this guy is going to do some of what is known as jogging
its that time
and I've got
a
number
to
reach.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Sometimes...
you get presented with gifts
that
for whatever reason
you swear can't be real
things beyond your wildest
dreams
prayers
imaginations
things you're sure
belong to someone else
so you try to give them back
to
put them back
where ever you think they
belong
and yet
they come back to you
even though you don't believe
and you have to think
the devil or whomever
is fucking with you
because you want to
feel
touch
taste
smell
hear
revel
in the victory, so bad it's killing you
something so uncommon
you don't know what to do with it
so you panic
and hold on tighter than ever before
trying not to choke the life
out of your gift
and finally just when
you are in the throes of despair
and have lost all hope
she says, "I'm not going anywhere"
gasping that first breath above
the surface you realize
it's going to be ok
and to just breathe
and live one day at a time
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
that
for whatever reason
you swear can't be real
things beyond your wildest
dreams
prayers
imaginations
things you're sure
belong to someone else
so you try to give them back
to
put them back
where ever you think they
belong
and yet
they come back to you
even though you don't believe
and you have to think
the devil or whomever
is fucking with you
because you want to
feel
touch
taste
smell
hear
revel
in the victory, so bad it's killing you
something so uncommon
you don't know what to do with it
so you panic
and hold on tighter than ever before
trying not to choke the life
out of your gift
and finally just when
you are in the throes of despair
and have lost all hope
she says, "I'm not going anywhere"
gasping that first breath above
the surface you realize
it's going to be ok
and to just breathe
and live one day at a time
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Shift....
Strange things are a foot
by the grace of the internet I've been reconnected
with someone I never in a million years
thought I would see or hear from
ever again
at first I wasn't sure how to feel about it
over time
it has grown on me
and I dare say, it's probably the best thing
to happen to me in the last five years
if not in my life
thats not to say there is not a ton of
bullshits and frustration in my life
there are still
broken water heaters, refrigerators
and bills aplenty to be paid
but now there also are
late night conversations
filled with “what ifs”
and “let's make plans to”
which is new ground
uncharted territory
so to speak
and I have to admit
even though the butterflies
still have a home in my stomach
I smile a little more each night
before I fall asleep
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
by the grace of the internet I've been reconnected
with someone I never in a million years
thought I would see or hear from
ever again
at first I wasn't sure how to feel about it
over time
it has grown on me
and I dare say, it's probably the best thing
to happen to me in the last five years
if not in my life
thats not to say there is not a ton of
bullshits and frustration in my life
there are still
broken water heaters, refrigerators
and bills aplenty to be paid
but now there also are
late night conversations
filled with “what ifs”
and “let's make plans to”
which is new ground
uncharted territory
so to speak
and I have to admit
even though the butterflies
still have a home in my stomach
I smile a little more each night
before I fall asleep
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Happy You're in love...
yo
I'm listening to Frou Frou
and typing the hey nonny-nonny
things continue to be the bullshits
but I guess its ok cause its summer
or at least thats what they tell me
someone should call Al Gore
and tell him to not be so hard on the Sun
cause that fucker is feeling so bad about himself
he might not come around until Rocktober
then whats the point
brother gets married this weekend
muy excited for him
and her
mostly for them
and my parents
someone should be able to provide
them with grandchildren
not this guy
I have a hard enough time dressing myself
solving for x
and getting up on time
let alone
being in charge of another living being
not that I don't have plenty of love to give
cause I sure do
I sure do...but in the grand scheme of things
I want to have me on the straight and narrow
or at least not clipping coupons and eating
noodles 6 meals a week
having to decide between school tuition
or a gym membership
or maybe that other thing
whatever or whoever that may be
the one I think about on any day ending in Y
the one I listen to from Mon to Thursday with
the one I want to sit back and
jaw jack with
sip cocktails with
laugh from Friday night
til
Sunday morn with
or maybe I'll just take a dump and go to bed
ugly time comes early and I'm working a double
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
I'm listening to Frou Frou
and typing the hey nonny-nonny
things continue to be the bullshits
but I guess its ok cause its summer
or at least thats what they tell me
someone should call Al Gore
and tell him to not be so hard on the Sun
cause that fucker is feeling so bad about himself
he might not come around until Rocktober
then whats the point
brother gets married this weekend
muy excited for him
and her
mostly for them
and my parents
someone should be able to provide
them with grandchildren
not this guy
I have a hard enough time dressing myself
solving for x
and getting up on time
let alone
being in charge of another living being
not that I don't have plenty of love to give
cause I sure do
I sure do...but in the grand scheme of things
I want to have me on the straight and narrow
or at least not clipping coupons and eating
noodles 6 meals a week
having to decide between school tuition
or a gym membership
or maybe that other thing
whatever or whoever that may be
the one I think about on any day ending in Y
the one I listen to from Mon to Thursday with
the one I want to sit back and
jaw jack with
sip cocktails with
laugh from Friday night
til
Sunday morn with
or maybe I'll just take a dump and go to bed
ugly time comes early and I'm working a double
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Saturday, June 13, 2009
seriously...
it's 3:10 am on Saturday morning and because I'm sitting here
waiting for my virtual grapes to be ready to harvest
yeah, you heard me right...virtual grapes
the excitement in my life has skyrocketed
to a Friday night spent virtual farming
to be completely fair
I was up early today
went to the gym and probably worked a little to hard
went for green tea with “the w”
and then went to work for a training
again on my day off
so even though my day was not action packed
I did get stuff done
while going places
and taking care of business
still
its not all its cracked up to be
I'm sore in places I don't think should be sore
like my neck
then again, that can just be work related stress
fuck work
thank God the economy is so bad
otherwise I would have to spend free time
looking for a job
eff that
the only things I hate more than work are
looking for a job and
moving
I can't decide in what order those would fall
but I still hate them.
in other news...
my brother gets married next weekend
I am nervous and excited all at the same time
best man duties have been bestowed upon me
and while I am honored and relieved
there are parts of me wound unbelievably tight with stress
but I'll get through it
just call me grace
like “grace under pressure”
or clutch
some of you know how I tend to excel
when the 11th hour draws near
virtual harvest completed
new crop replanted
time to grab some zzzz
ugly time comes soon
I hope you all are well
Cheers,
JJ
waiting for my virtual grapes to be ready to harvest
yeah, you heard me right...virtual grapes
the excitement in my life has skyrocketed
to a Friday night spent virtual farming
to be completely fair
I was up early today
went to the gym and probably worked a little to hard
went for green tea with “the w”
and then went to work for a training
again on my day off
so even though my day was not action packed
I did get stuff done
while going places
and taking care of business
still
its not all its cracked up to be
I'm sore in places I don't think should be sore
like my neck
then again, that can just be work related stress
fuck work
thank God the economy is so bad
otherwise I would have to spend free time
looking for a job
eff that
the only things I hate more than work are
looking for a job and
moving
I can't decide in what order those would fall
but I still hate them.
in other news...
my brother gets married next weekend
I am nervous and excited all at the same time
best man duties have been bestowed upon me
and while I am honored and relieved
there are parts of me wound unbelievably tight with stress
but I'll get through it
just call me grace
like “grace under pressure”
or clutch
some of you know how I tend to excel
when the 11th hour draws near
virtual harvest completed
new crop replanted
time to grab some zzzz
ugly time comes soon
I hope you all are well
Cheers,
JJ
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
GROW GODDAMN YOU...
I'm sitting here in a space that smells like burnt microwave popcorn.
*sigh*
that fucking smell takes forever to leave
to be honest, I don't even remember when I last burn microcorn
but I do watch a great deal of movies
so it might actually not be that long ago
I'm sitting here clackity-clacking
waiting for my virtual grapes
to be ready to harvest
I know...I know...
it doesn't get much more exciting than this
and why am I still single again?
whatever
decent weather is almost consistent here
so thats one in the plus column
been working out regularly
feel good
look better
need to keep going
car is fucked
like Im done with it
soon as I have some money
going to see if I can get
a toyota yaris hbx
if for nothing else just to have reliable transport
to school
fuck work...I can walk to that nonsense
latest audio addiction is fightstar
english post hard core...whateverthefuck
that means
hum was posthardcore/math rock
these guys sound completely different
but I like them
thank you emusic.com
drinking crystal light
pomegranate lemonade
its got shit in it
to help your skin
we all know how much I need that
bf of a friend codenamed this libation
codename delicious
funny and true
brother gets married in less
than
a
month
*bangs head on desk*
color me frustrated
if I were a crayon
Id be failure
not really
but its starting to feel
like that more and more
damn you depression
need to hit the eliptical
hard later on in the am
therefore
I need to go to bed
I hope you all are well
Cheers,
JJ
*sigh*
that fucking smell takes forever to leave
to be honest, I don't even remember when I last burn microcorn
but I do watch a great deal of movies
so it might actually not be that long ago
I'm sitting here clackity-clacking
waiting for my virtual grapes
to be ready to harvest
I know...I know...
it doesn't get much more exciting than this
and why am I still single again?
whatever
decent weather is almost consistent here
so thats one in the plus column
been working out regularly
feel good
look better
need to keep going
car is fucked
like Im done with it
soon as I have some money
going to see if I can get
a toyota yaris hbx
if for nothing else just to have reliable transport
to school
fuck work...I can walk to that nonsense
latest audio addiction is fightstar
english post hard core...whateverthefuck
that means
hum was posthardcore/math rock
these guys sound completely different
but I like them
thank you emusic.com
drinking crystal light
pomegranate lemonade
its got shit in it
to help your skin
we all know how much I need that
bf of a friend codenamed this libation
codename delicious
funny and true
brother gets married in less
than
a
month
*bangs head on desk*
color me frustrated
if I were a crayon
Id be failure
not really
but its starting to feel
like that more and more
damn you depression
need to hit the eliptical
hard later on in the am
therefore
I need to go to bed
I hope you all are well
Cheers,
JJ
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Yes...
I'm even hungry enough that I would eat a gas station sandwich. However I think a trip to the local market is in order.
I hope you all are well,
JJ
I hope you all are well,
JJ
Friday, May 22, 2009
By the power of Greyskull...
I managed to make it to another weekend
I'm also grateful the weather decided to hold out for me, even if it is only for today.
I'll be heading to the gym shortly to get my sweat n' grunt on
gotta try and make it through one more day
another day of self improvement
get myself out of this funk
success starts with day one
and it seems to always be day one
still haven't finished that book I've been telling you about
maybe today
depends on if I have time to get out in the yard and sit
maybe after the grass is cut
sounds like a whole lot of maybe going on
story of my life
I'm loving anything by Imogen Heap right now
she's a singer/songwriter
in case you were wondering why
you weren't finding her on the shelves
at your local booketeria
light breeze just blew in the window
kind of nudging me
“hey...fat kid...let's go”
time to finish my coffee
head to the gym
get ugly
and live my life
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
I'm also grateful the weather decided to hold out for me, even if it is only for today.
I'll be heading to the gym shortly to get my sweat n' grunt on
gotta try and make it through one more day
another day of self improvement
get myself out of this funk
success starts with day one
and it seems to always be day one
still haven't finished that book I've been telling you about
maybe today
depends on if I have time to get out in the yard and sit
maybe after the grass is cut
sounds like a whole lot of maybe going on
story of my life
I'm loving anything by Imogen Heap right now
she's a singer/songwriter
in case you were wondering why
you weren't finding her on the shelves
at your local booketeria
light breeze just blew in the window
kind of nudging me
“hey...fat kid...let's go”
time to finish my coffee
head to the gym
get ugly
and live my life
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Monday, May 18, 2009
Over & Over...
I'm getting headaches
tension...anxiety...maybe anxsion
either way they can go fuck themselves
cause I know they are work related, driven by work, caused by having to
show at a place that makes me crazy
but I know I have to endure cause I need
health insurance and otherwise I will
shrivel up and die
or
at
least that is what
I
have been made to believe
so...yeah, newsflash: the economy is in the shitter
everyone and their brother is out of work
and if you are lucky enough to still have job
your employer holds it to your head, asking
“do you feel lucky punk?”
I like what I do
I'm very good at what I do
but there is only so much weight you can pile on the camel
before the camel tells you, “go fuck yourself...”
right now I'm trying to clear the dust out of my mouth
forcing facial muscles to form words
trying to catch enough breath
to push them out of my lungs
In other news...
writing class starts this week
not sure why I'm doing this
the only person I write for is me
in notebooks
journals
sometimes here on this blog
my fucking head is killing me
time to crunch down some:
melatonin, DDP & call it a day
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
tension...anxiety...maybe anxsion
either way they can go fuck themselves
cause I know they are work related, driven by work, caused by having to
show at a place that makes me crazy
but I know I have to endure cause I need
health insurance and otherwise I will
shrivel up and die
or
at
least that is what
I
have been made to believe
so...yeah, newsflash: the economy is in the shitter
everyone and their brother is out of work
and if you are lucky enough to still have job
your employer holds it to your head, asking
“do you feel lucky punk?”
I like what I do
I'm very good at what I do
but there is only so much weight you can pile on the camel
before the camel tells you, “go fuck yourself...”
right now I'm trying to clear the dust out of my mouth
forcing facial muscles to form words
trying to catch enough breath
to push them out of my lungs
In other news...
writing class starts this week
not sure why I'm doing this
the only person I write for is me
in notebooks
journals
sometimes here on this blog
my fucking head is killing me
time to crunch down some:
melatonin, DDP & call it a day
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Bullshit Weather Report...
It's 7:23 in the morning
I've been up almost an hour
went to sleep way to late last night
at least my brain & body feel that way
started the day off with an,”Oh shit...” moment
1 and ½ to 2 tablespoons of coffee per 8 ounces of water
for a cup
not 8 tablespoons and 16 ounces of water
never have been able to get the whole, “math thing”
I dwnldd, “A Positive Rage” by The Hold Steady the other day
really want to listen to it but I know I'm not in the right frame of mind
at least not yet
no coffee, no breakfast, no gym, no Hold Steady...at least not yet
So I substitute
Husker Du's, “Candy Apple Grey”
which seems appropriate
as I look out the window to see the weather not cooperating again
c'est la vie
what else is new right?
first couple of sips of coffee down, things will be alright
I concede...I give...I'm old
at least I feel it
I long for the days of 19 when 4 hrs of sleep was as good as
8 or ten
but not quite as good as the debut album by pearl jam
though some would argue with me
thats fine
many pj songs stand the test of time
I'm fighting the urge to go back to bed/take a nap/get unconcscious in my recliner
spell check just told me I spelled unconscious wrong and I can't figure it out
better luck next time I guess
need to go to the gym and get ugly
I mean like disgustingly sweaty
gross
to the point where I wonder if it's my own ass I'm smelling
burn some fat
burn the candle at both ends
I'm in the middle of a good book
a memoir
seem to be on a non fiction kick
tell you about it when I'm done
probably have more to say
but can't untangle it all
not right now
so I leave it to you
I hope you all are well...
Cheers,
JJ
I've been up almost an hour
went to sleep way to late last night
at least my brain & body feel that way
started the day off with an,”Oh shit...” moment
1 and ½ to 2 tablespoons of coffee per 8 ounces of water
for a cup
not 8 tablespoons and 16 ounces of water
never have been able to get the whole, “math thing”
I dwnldd, “A Positive Rage” by The Hold Steady the other day
really want to listen to it but I know I'm not in the right frame of mind
at least not yet
no coffee, no breakfast, no gym, no Hold Steady...at least not yet
So I substitute
Husker Du's, “Candy Apple Grey”
which seems appropriate
as I look out the window to see the weather not cooperating again
c'est la vie
what else is new right?
first couple of sips of coffee down, things will be alright
I concede...I give...I'm old
at least I feel it
I long for the days of 19 when 4 hrs of sleep was as good as
8 or ten
but not quite as good as the debut album by pearl jam
though some would argue with me
thats fine
many pj songs stand the test of time
I'm fighting the urge to go back to bed/take a nap/get unconcscious in my recliner
spell check just told me I spelled unconscious wrong and I can't figure it out
better luck next time I guess
need to go to the gym and get ugly
I mean like disgustingly sweaty
gross
to the point where I wonder if it's my own ass I'm smelling
burn some fat
burn the candle at both ends
I'm in the middle of a good book
a memoir
seem to be on a non fiction kick
tell you about it when I'm done
probably have more to say
but can't untangle it all
not right now
so I leave it to you
I hope you all are well...
Cheers,
JJ
Friday, March 06, 2009
Here We Go Again...
I know i've spoken about the wonder which is Pandora so I will leave it be
but just so you know, it's kicking my ass right now...in a good way.
I had today off and I guess I was tired cause I ended up sleeping late
obscenely late
like so late I'm embarrassed to say how late here
but since I wasted most of the day unconscious, I opted not to attend a training today
so I'm not one step closer to a raise my place of employment neither wants, nor is able to give
me
Reef called and asked me to come over and hang out
since we haven't seen each other since Abe Lincoln was voted captain of his high school debate team
I drove over
she made me a steak with Montreal seasoning
there was wine
I opted out since
I'm in training
We talked of work, our current economic situations, the lack of love in our lives
she recommended some glasses of wine
again I refrained, for fear I would turn into a weepy mess
not from sadness but frustration
I'm just back from being laid off
I don't want / need to go there again
Tomorrow we have the company, “welcome spring” party
Reef revp'd for me without asking
so I will go
and hang out with a bunch of people
who sent out letters this week
telling those who were laid off
“they are weak staff, therefore the layoff”
Personally I think its all bullshit
and I'm not really in a partying kind of mood
Reef said we should hold hands all night
just to stir up the pot a little
I remember the last time I played “pretend”
last time I did, it was the most painful game I've ever played
I think it was the Backstreet Boys who sang
“Quit Playing Games with My Heart” but don't quote me on that
While I haven't been here a lot, there has been writing going on
maybe at another secret location, like a livejournal
or one of those composition notebooks, you know what I'm talking about
the ones the “less fortunate” kids got made fun of for having
cause their notebooks didn't have pictures of Snoopy, My Little Pony or some other bullshit
and now every “dark and brooding emotional soul” commits feelings to paper in them
making them seem trendy
whatever
but just so you know, it's kicking my ass right now...in a good way.
I had today off and I guess I was tired cause I ended up sleeping late
obscenely late
like so late I'm embarrassed to say how late here
but since I wasted most of the day unconscious, I opted not to attend a training today
so I'm not one step closer to a raise my place of employment neither wants, nor is able to give
me
Reef called and asked me to come over and hang out
since we haven't seen each other since Abe Lincoln was voted captain of his high school debate team
I drove over
she made me a steak with Montreal seasoning
there was wine
I opted out since
I'm in training
We talked of work, our current economic situations, the lack of love in our lives
she recommended some glasses of wine
again I refrained, for fear I would turn into a weepy mess
not from sadness but frustration
I'm just back from being laid off
I don't want / need to go there again
Tomorrow we have the company, “welcome spring” party
Reef revp'd for me without asking
so I will go
and hang out with a bunch of people
who sent out letters this week
telling those who were laid off
“they are weak staff, therefore the layoff”
Personally I think its all bullshit
and I'm not really in a partying kind of mood
Reef said we should hold hands all night
just to stir up the pot a little
I remember the last time I played “pretend”
last time I did, it was the most painful game I've ever played
I think it was the Backstreet Boys who sang
“Quit Playing Games with My Heart” but don't quote me on that
While I haven't been here a lot, there has been writing going on
maybe at another secret location, like a livejournal
or one of those composition notebooks, you know what I'm talking about
the ones the “less fortunate” kids got made fun of for having
cause their notebooks didn't have pictures of Snoopy, My Little Pony or some other bullshit
and now every “dark and brooding emotional soul” commits feelings to paper in them
making them seem trendy
whatever
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Hey Hammmaah...
I got forced to work longer than usual tonight.
Not that I mind the overtime, but when you've had a long shift
and you are anxious to get out, get home and get your pants off
another hour and a half added on to the end of the night is like
a major bite in the ass
but I made it home
alive
not alive with the glory of love
but alive
just finished House
can't decide if I want to
write
read
or maybe just listen to podcasts till I fall asleep
I'm not in school this semester
I thought I would be angrier about that
maybe I would be if I thought there were more
I could have done about it
just makes me hate money that much more
Which makes me realize
my next check
the one without 20 over time hours
is going to be nowhere near as fat as the past one
Tis hard not be somewhat let down buy that
considering I will be in the City of Angels
in less than two months
vacation requests need to go in yesterday
Need to get taxes done
need to get hair done
need for my nursing degree to be done
need needing stuff to be done
Tomorrow, if I am a good guy
I will wake early enough
to get to the post office
and gym before work
too bad I had my black hat on today
and my black shirt
cause you know what 3rd Bass says about that
maybe I deserve the gas face...
methinks not
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Not that I mind the overtime, but when you've had a long shift
and you are anxious to get out, get home and get your pants off
another hour and a half added on to the end of the night is like
a major bite in the ass
but I made it home
alive
not alive with the glory of love
but alive
just finished House
can't decide if I want to
write
read
or maybe just listen to podcasts till I fall asleep
I'm not in school this semester
I thought I would be angrier about that
maybe I would be if I thought there were more
I could have done about it
just makes me hate money that much more
Which makes me realize
my next check
the one without 20 over time hours
is going to be nowhere near as fat as the past one
Tis hard not be somewhat let down buy that
considering I will be in the City of Angels
in less than two months
vacation requests need to go in yesterday
Need to get taxes done
need to get hair done
need for my nursing degree to be done
need needing stuff to be done
Tomorrow, if I am a good guy
I will wake early enough
to get to the post office
and gym before work
too bad I had my black hat on today
and my black shirt
cause you know what 3rd Bass says about that
maybe I deserve the gas face...
methinks not
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thaw...
I haven't written shit lately 'cause there hasn't been shit to say.
but tonight breaks the silence.
I just feel like I need to download some shit
clear my head so to speak
just bang it out
I'm not in classes this semester due to some financial shit
that makes me pretty angry
life is all about math, money and numbers
at least that's how it seems to me
So when I'm going to work, wishing I was doing something else
I can think about all the money I'm spending to get my grades released
so I can spend more money
and go to more school...so I can go to work
yeah
At work tonight I slipped on the ice
I fell and broke my ass
and possibly my iPod, in my jacket pocket
of the hip I went down on
I haven't even checked to see what the damage is yet
cause if the iPod is a fatality
I'm going to be really pissed
cause I don't have the dough to replace it
and that shit will come in really handy on my trip to Los Angeles in April
if it's not a fatality that is...
So there will be summer classes
and a whole shit load of credits next fall
cause I can't do what I'm doing much longer
I need a break and a raise
right now I have more PTO than God and no time or money to go anywhere
Last week even God said, “damn man, you need a vacation!!”
“ain't that the truth” I said
and a case of Diet Mug Root Beer and a case of Diet Dr. Pepper fell from the sky
and God said, “For all you do, these 2 litres are for you...”
and me and the man upstairs winked and fist bumped one another
It's an odd thing, fist-bumping the almighty
stings and tickles at the same time
but goes really well with the winking
at least that's how I felt
at any rate...
I'm still all set with this winter shit
people who live in snowy or colder places
are just crazy or masochistic or both cause
fuck that...who needs it?
cause whats better than
a tangerine, a cool drink
a beach chair and some sunny quiet time
6 inches of powdery-white back ache?
fuck that.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
but tonight breaks the silence.
I just feel like I need to download some shit
clear my head so to speak
just bang it out
I'm not in classes this semester due to some financial shit
that makes me pretty angry
life is all about math, money and numbers
at least that's how it seems to me
So when I'm going to work, wishing I was doing something else
I can think about all the money I'm spending to get my grades released
so I can spend more money
and go to more school...so I can go to work
yeah
At work tonight I slipped on the ice
I fell and broke my ass
and possibly my iPod, in my jacket pocket
of the hip I went down on
I haven't even checked to see what the damage is yet
cause if the iPod is a fatality
I'm going to be really pissed
cause I don't have the dough to replace it
and that shit will come in really handy on my trip to Los Angeles in April
if it's not a fatality that is...
So there will be summer classes
and a whole shit load of credits next fall
cause I can't do what I'm doing much longer
I need a break and a raise
right now I have more PTO than God and no time or money to go anywhere
Last week even God said, “damn man, you need a vacation!!”
“ain't that the truth” I said
and a case of Diet Mug Root Beer and a case of Diet Dr. Pepper fell from the sky
and God said, “For all you do, these 2 litres are for you...”
and me and the man upstairs winked and fist bumped one another
It's an odd thing, fist-bumping the almighty
stings and tickles at the same time
but goes really well with the winking
at least that's how I felt
at any rate...
I'm still all set with this winter shit
people who live in snowy or colder places
are just crazy or masochistic or both cause
fuck that...who needs it?
cause whats better than
a tangerine, a cool drink
a beach chair and some sunny quiet time
6 inches of powdery-white back ache?
fuck that.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Even when...
I'm all fired up and pissed off, this can make me smile.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
jG
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
jG
Spoiler Alert....
In case you are looking for a laugh out loud or feel good post of the week, this is not the place to come. Right now I'm trying to figure out how, we as humans, have reached a point in time where we will trample someone to death to get a bargain on a product, that is a WANT and not a NEED. IF you have no idea what I'm talking about, check it out here.
Things, bling, stuff...we chase all of this stuff, myself included. However, I've never been at a point where I wanted something so bad, I said to myself, “I'm going to get the new Kelly Clarkson cd and I'm going to walk over any motherfucker who gets in my way, cause I deserve it and want to be the first person to put my hands on it.” In addition to getting caught up in the pursuit of meaningless minutia, I've also worked for the devil himself and know full well what Wal*Mart Stores are capable of. There will of course be the code of silence applied to all store personnel and I'm sure jobs will be threatened. Wal*Mart will also employ more spin than a pro-bowler to the media. Damour, the poor soul, trampled to death at the Valley Stream Wal*Mart, was first listed as a hire from a temporary agency, hired to do maintenance in the store.
Sounds plausible enough, he could have been there washing floors or performing other night shift, janitorial duties. Maybe he was actually fixing something like the door, that ultimately gave way and led to his demise? At any rate, one day after this tragic event, I'm reading stories trying to make it appear as if Damour could have possibly been employed as one of the hired, extra security staff. FUCK YOU WAL*MART and FUCK YOU CORPORATE AMERICA! More blood is on your hands and motherfuckers don't think that people are not watching. Let's not leave it up to the temp agency to insult Damour's family by sending them flowers. Wal*Mart should pay for all burial expenses and set up Damour's family for life. Will they? Probably not. There will be some lame excuse like, “the local authorities are looking into this to determine if there will be any criminal charges filed...” YOU BET YOUR SWEET REDNECK ARKANSAS ASS THERE WILL BE CHARGES. Charges of Criminal Negligence, among other things, but what's worse is when you have all the money in the world and an even better legal team, there is no way any of those charges will ever hold up in court.
Still feel good? Still smiling...ok. How about this one?
8 Year old who vowed his 100th spanking would be his last, kills dad.
Anyone see a problem with that? No, I'm not talking about the murder part. I'm talking about a case of criminal neglect, child abuse and a bunch of other things we are probably not privy to.
There is no reason an eight year old should have been spanked one thousand times. None. I'm sorry, you can tell me I don't know what it's like cause I don't have kids and you're right I don't, but I also have been a child and know what spanking is. In addition to that I work with abused children and see every fucking day, the emotional and psychological damage done to kids by parents who don't have any right applying for a library card, let alone having a child. Here's a quick parenting tip: Set expectations. Just like this poor boy did, “Hey the thousandth time you spank me, I'm going to kill you...” He let them know, he kept track, think those spankings didn't mean too much? Think again.
We're turning into a bunch of fucking savages...
I hope you all had a great holiday weekend and remembered what is important with those you love.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Things, bling, stuff...we chase all of this stuff, myself included. However, I've never been at a point where I wanted something so bad, I said to myself, “I'm going to get the new Kelly Clarkson cd and I'm going to walk over any motherfucker who gets in my way, cause I deserve it and want to be the first person to put my hands on it.” In addition to getting caught up in the pursuit of meaningless minutia, I've also worked for the devil himself and know full well what Wal*Mart Stores are capable of. There will of course be the code of silence applied to all store personnel and I'm sure jobs will be threatened. Wal*Mart will also employ more spin than a pro-bowler to the media. Damour, the poor soul, trampled to death at the Valley Stream Wal*Mart, was first listed as a hire from a temporary agency, hired to do maintenance in the store.
Sounds plausible enough, he could have been there washing floors or performing other night shift, janitorial duties. Maybe he was actually fixing something like the door, that ultimately gave way and led to his demise? At any rate, one day after this tragic event, I'm reading stories trying to make it appear as if Damour could have possibly been employed as one of the hired, extra security staff. FUCK YOU WAL*MART and FUCK YOU CORPORATE AMERICA! More blood is on your hands and motherfuckers don't think that people are not watching. Let's not leave it up to the temp agency to insult Damour's family by sending them flowers. Wal*Mart should pay for all burial expenses and set up Damour's family for life. Will they? Probably not. There will be some lame excuse like, “the local authorities are looking into this to determine if there will be any criminal charges filed...” YOU BET YOUR SWEET REDNECK ARKANSAS ASS THERE WILL BE CHARGES. Charges of Criminal Negligence, among other things, but what's worse is when you have all the money in the world and an even better legal team, there is no way any of those charges will ever hold up in court.
Still feel good? Still smiling...ok. How about this one?
8 Year old who vowed his 100th spanking would be his last, kills dad.
Anyone see a problem with that? No, I'm not talking about the murder part. I'm talking about a case of criminal neglect, child abuse and a bunch of other things we are probably not privy to.
There is no reason an eight year old should have been spanked one thousand times. None. I'm sorry, you can tell me I don't know what it's like cause I don't have kids and you're right I don't, but I also have been a child and know what spanking is. In addition to that I work with abused children and see every fucking day, the emotional and psychological damage done to kids by parents who don't have any right applying for a library card, let alone having a child. Here's a quick parenting tip: Set expectations. Just like this poor boy did, “Hey the thousandth time you spank me, I'm going to kill you...” He let them know, he kept track, think those spankings didn't mean too much? Think again.
We're turning into a bunch of fucking savages...
I hope you all had a great holiday weekend and remembered what is important with those you love.
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Shocker...
went to bed at 4:20am this morning, insert corny stoner joke here...
watched Scarface for the first time ever and didn't know it was two hours and fifty minutes long. Enjoyed the movie but still am not convinced it's Pacino's best work. At any rate here are the things winding my clock.
Gas prices...
Has anyone noticed how gas used to be eleventy billion dollars a gallon and now here in the good old ocean state, you can drive to your local stop and shop and get it for about $1.89 a gallon? Shit, I thought I drove through a wormhole the other day and got transported back to 1999. How? When? WHY did gas prices start to drop?
Methinks this is the calm before the storm...
There has been some rumbling about a plan. One that would free the U.S. from dependence on foreign oil and one that could both create jobs in America and help put cleaner running, more fuel-efficient cars on the road. Where is said plan coming from? From Texas of course! Read all about it right here. While people marvel over the idea that gas prices could fall back down to almost reasonable rates, they forget that the surge in non-natural gas prices will continue. Moreover the addition of these new cars will encourage the gas companies to hump us for as long as possible. Pickens predicts gas being $5/gallon as early as next summer... HOLY JUMPING CHRIST!!! Time for this guy to buy a moped.
Down with the King...
Thanks to Ktech for this update on our favorite fast food royal.
Burger King to go high-end...
Ok, let's be honest, when we think fast food, we're in a rush, are caught up in the tornado of stress eating or it's 2:30 / 9:30 in the morning and you've tried to drink like you're in college again and needs the grease to keep from being D.O.A from a hangover...
but really do the clown, the king or that little red-headed slut ever evoke an image of a high-er end food experience? Maybe so, but only after about 6 hours of mario-kart and countless bong rips...
For Burger King to think they will pull business away from the casual restaurant, and I'm assuming they mean the, Chili's, TGIFridays, Ground Rounds, Perkins of the country versus other fast food shits... is sheer lunacy.
Ribs? Are you kidding me? Look at a competitors business model. Rockdonald's only brings out the McRib once a year at MOST cause it give the general public time to forget how shitty it actually is! Ribs...King please! Thick-er burgers... Shit, I got roped into the angus-steakhouse-porkpackge-whatever-you-want-to-call-it burger once...ONCE! Supposedly, the higher grade meat contributes to a better tasting burger.
Hmmm...maybe this is true back in soviet russia, cause the steakhouse burger I got tasted like someone kicked the asshole out of an out-to-pasture stud horse and then put it on some high-falutin' bullshit roll versus the sesame seeded bun we've come to love and be addicted to. Long story short, having to retool your restaurants with equipment to allow the cooking of ribs and thick-er burgers in this economy is just tomfoolery...plain and simple. Fear not as the dollar menu is not going anywhere. This is a god-send cause I know when my ass is in a knot, nothin' fixes it quicker than a rodeo cheeseburger or two and a diet coke.
Finally...
Pat riots on the Pat-riots
Tom Brady, easy on the eyes, seems to be a nice guy, heck of a quarterback, sold his sole to the devil to go 19-0....ooops went to the well one to many times.
Senior Touchdown is getting bent over by the gossip rags and websites for being seen “walking unaided” around town with Gisele. Am I a life long New Englander, yes. Am I a Patriots fan, yes. Do I think Tom may not be taking his injury and rehab as seriously as he should be...maybe yes, maybe no, but let's not forget some stuff. I can go to work everyday of the week and chances are I can screw up. If I do, no big deal, learn from it and move on. When I leave there is not a press corps waiting to interview me on how bad I feel about blowing it for the team and the scores of fans. Next, even though work can sometimes get pretty hairy, there are not people trying to kill me every weekend, nor are there bounties placed on my head by my coworkers. Let's face it being a QB in the NFL can be the sweetest job, in Brady's case or the worst job, where ultimately you wind up getting in about 5-10 car accidents in one day. Yes, it's a game and these men on their pedestals get millions of dollars to play a game but how much lifelong physical and mental damage can we put a price on?
Now I know some may say well Tom is out screwing around and not rehabing or supporting the team. Fair enough, but when you're thinking that, just remember the days you've called out “sick” or just needed a mental health day and then think about the pressure on Brady. Fact of the matter is if I had the resources and lawyers Tom did, no camera-toting jackass would speak to me like that...ever.
Let's drink till we can't feel feelings.
Yours in Pawtucket,
--Pawtucket Pat
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
watched Scarface for the first time ever and didn't know it was two hours and fifty minutes long. Enjoyed the movie but still am not convinced it's Pacino's best work. At any rate here are the things winding my clock.
Gas prices...
Has anyone noticed how gas used to be eleventy billion dollars a gallon and now here in the good old ocean state, you can drive to your local stop and shop and get it for about $1.89 a gallon? Shit, I thought I drove through a wormhole the other day and got transported back to 1999. How? When? WHY did gas prices start to drop?
Methinks this is the calm before the storm...
There has been some rumbling about a plan. One that would free the U.S. from dependence on foreign oil and one that could both create jobs in America and help put cleaner running, more fuel-efficient cars on the road. Where is said plan coming from? From Texas of course! Read all about it right here. While people marvel over the idea that gas prices could fall back down to almost reasonable rates, they forget that the surge in non-natural gas prices will continue. Moreover the addition of these new cars will encourage the gas companies to hump us for as long as possible. Pickens predicts gas being $5/gallon as early as next summer... HOLY JUMPING CHRIST!!! Time for this guy to buy a moped.
Down with the King...
Thanks to Ktech for this update on our favorite fast food royal.
Burger King to go high-end...
Ok, let's be honest, when we think fast food, we're in a rush, are caught up in the tornado of stress eating or it's 2:30 / 9:30 in the morning and you've tried to drink like you're in college again and needs the grease to keep from being D.O.A from a hangover...
but really do the clown, the king or that little red-headed slut ever evoke an image of a high-er end food experience? Maybe so, but only after about 6 hours of mario-kart and countless bong rips...
For Burger King to think they will pull business away from the casual restaurant, and I'm assuming they mean the, Chili's, TGIFridays, Ground Rounds, Perkins of the country versus other fast food shits... is sheer lunacy.
Ribs? Are you kidding me? Look at a competitors business model. Rockdonald's only brings out the McRib once a year at MOST cause it give the general public time to forget how shitty it actually is! Ribs...King please! Thick-er burgers... Shit, I got roped into the angus-steakhouse-porkpackge-whatever-you-want-to-call-it burger once...ONCE! Supposedly, the higher grade meat contributes to a better tasting burger.
Hmmm...maybe this is true back in soviet russia, cause the steakhouse burger I got tasted like someone kicked the asshole out of an out-to-pasture stud horse and then put it on some high-falutin' bullshit roll versus the sesame seeded bun we've come to love and be addicted to. Long story short, having to retool your restaurants with equipment to allow the cooking of ribs and thick-er burgers in this economy is just tomfoolery...plain and simple. Fear not as the dollar menu is not going anywhere. This is a god-send cause I know when my ass is in a knot, nothin' fixes it quicker than a rodeo cheeseburger or two and a diet coke.
Finally...
Pat riots on the Pat-riots
Tom Brady, easy on the eyes, seems to be a nice guy, heck of a quarterback, sold his sole to the devil to go 19-0....ooops went to the well one to many times.
Senior Touchdown is getting bent over by the gossip rags and websites for being seen “walking unaided” around town with Gisele. Am I a life long New Englander, yes. Am I a Patriots fan, yes. Do I think Tom may not be taking his injury and rehab as seriously as he should be...maybe yes, maybe no, but let's not forget some stuff. I can go to work everyday of the week and chances are I can screw up. If I do, no big deal, learn from it and move on. When I leave there is not a press corps waiting to interview me on how bad I feel about blowing it for the team and the scores of fans. Next, even though work can sometimes get pretty hairy, there are not people trying to kill me every weekend, nor are there bounties placed on my head by my coworkers. Let's face it being a QB in the NFL can be the sweetest job, in Brady's case or the worst job, where ultimately you wind up getting in about 5-10 car accidents in one day. Yes, it's a game and these men on their pedestals get millions of dollars to play a game but how much lifelong physical and mental damage can we put a price on?
Now I know some may say well Tom is out screwing around and not rehabing or supporting the team. Fair enough, but when you're thinking that, just remember the days you've called out “sick” or just needed a mental health day and then think about the pressure on Brady. Fact of the matter is if I had the resources and lawyers Tom did, no camera-toting jackass would speak to me like that...ever.
Let's drink till we can't feel feelings.
Yours in Pawtucket,
--Pawtucket Pat
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Monday, November 17, 2008
Beginning of a tough weekend...
even though by the time you read this, it will already be Monday.
Friday had the potential to totally suck rocks but gratefully it got better. Started off having to wake at 0'Dark:30 because the furnace man was coming to work in the rental unit. Yours truly needed to be awake to let him in. So I was, a half hour before he arrived. I thought a half hour was respectable enough for me to not look like I just rolled out of bed. However it was cold and my hoodie and pajama pants didn't help. I totally looked “go college.”
furnace man shows up and seems to be a decent enough guy, minimal small talk, gets right to work. As I am leading him down to the turn-of-the-century basement, mom calls my cell...
Yes, I'm up.
No, I'm up...really.
I'm not 19 anymore...I'm responsible.
He's right here next to me, want to talk to him?
Furnace guy: Can you go and turn the thermostat as high as it will go?
I'm on it.
No mom, that was the furnace guy.
What?
Bad news...go ahead.
and then she hit me with it...
My dog had passed on. Maybe passed on is not the right way to describe it, cause my dad had to put him down. But mom said, “we lost Buster...” as if he was misplaced. For a moment, I really hoped he had ran out of the house and was on the lamb, but deep down I knew what she meant. A 14 year-old bassett hound does not run away from a fireplace, two hots a day and probably as many walks, especially not when he has someone who loves him as much as my dad did.
There was more small talk between my mother and I, not that I can recall what was said, but, we exchanged good byes. I hung up and for a second sat down and just wished the fucking furnace man could be done. I wanted a few seconds alone. Maybe not to wail and gnash my teeth but, if I did want to do that, it would be ok.
he came upstairs about 15 minutes later, handed me a bill and then started with the small talk again. Asking if, “I had grown up in this area?” I told him he had and he name dropped some names on me. Names from my childhood and early adolescents. Names of kids who used to beat the shit out of me and torment me just for fun. Three brothers, two legit, one adopted, all mostly assholes. One is a cop, the other owns his own landscaping business and the third..well he just looks like a full-time prick. Driving around in his Mercedes convertible, trying to not let his thinning hair and bald spot show.
I didn't regale furnace man with tales of times gone by. I wanted him to go so I could be alone and start my day. He left. I took some time to think about my dog. I cried. I'm not above admitting it. There are certain bonds when created it takes a death to end them. My bond with Buster was good but not as strong as his bond with my father. For whatever reason my parents don't really associate with a whole lot of people. Not to say they're shut-ins or snobs but they still work a great deal and volunteer, so their free time is limited and often they just want alone time, much like myself.
My dad would get up every morning and go to the bathroom, take his pills and feed Buster. After Buster ate there was a quick walk and then dad and Buster would hop in the car. They would drive off the island to Tim Horton's where my dad would get a coffee and donut combo. The coffee for my dad, the donut for Buster. From what both my parents tell me, Buster was quite a hit at the drive-thru and usually he was salivating just waiting to pull into the window.
My dad grew up an only child, in a cold house, not to say he was not loved, but communication was not a strong suit of either my paternal grandparents. Grandad ha seen some shit in WWII and afterward, worked for the FBI for a short time. My grandmother, armed with a high school education, worked as a nurse for about a hundred years. After retiring, she donated about two thousand gallons of blood and did hospice visits or something or other. My dad had a good child hood, like me he was a fat kid, but I'm sure he wanted for nothing. He grew up with three or four great friends, two of which he is still in contact with and occasionally sees. Buster however, was a constant. Always around, always looking to see what my dad was up to...where he was going...and if there might be a treat involved.
The last two dogs my family has had have been bassetts. Rosebud, Busters predecessor, died early, we think she ate some rat poison and hemorrhaged to death cause our local vet was, “too busy” to take her. Buster on the other hand lived to be fourteen and had been in declining health. My dad was away at a conference when Rosebud died. I think he felt some sense of responsibility, I'm not sure why.
Dad was the only one around when the vet found a softball sized tumor on Buster's spleen. Mom told me that he called her at work, she has been working at the school she retired from just to pick up some extra money. “Wait...wait..wait..let me be there with you, “ she told me she told my father over the phone. He told her, “not to worry, that he could do this and not to bother leaving work.” He was the only one around when he made the decision. He was the only one around when his best friend was put to sleep.
Even now, there is a part of me that wants to know what was going through his head at that point. Not because I want him to relive a major tragedy in his life, but to gain from his experience. My dad has always been the greatest example of strength to me and I'm sure he felt anything but strong at that point. Part of me wants to give him a big hug and let him know he provided a wonderful life for Buster and that dog could not have asked for better owners and friends than my parents. But I won't say anything because I know how hard it is for him to express his feelings and even though I know it's cathartic for some, I think my dad is better left alone.
I finish this post tired and teary-eyed at the loss of a great friend and wonderful pet. I've been trying to take comfort in the fact that like the movie says, “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” I want to believe that. It is my firm hope and b
elief Buster has crossed the Rainbow Bridge without issue and is playing with all of his new found friends.
Rest In Peace Buster, we will miss you very much!
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
Friday had the potential to totally suck rocks but gratefully it got better. Started off having to wake at 0'Dark:30 because the furnace man was coming to work in the rental unit. Yours truly needed to be awake to let him in. So I was, a half hour before he arrived. I thought a half hour was respectable enough for me to not look like I just rolled out of bed. However it was cold and my hoodie and pajama pants didn't help. I totally looked “go college.”
furnace man shows up and seems to be a decent enough guy, minimal small talk, gets right to work. As I am leading him down to the turn-of-the-century basement, mom calls my cell...
Yes, I'm up.
No, I'm up...really.
I'm not 19 anymore...I'm responsible.
He's right here next to me, want to talk to him?
Furnace guy: Can you go and turn the thermostat as high as it will go?
I'm on it.
No mom, that was the furnace guy.
What?
Bad news...go ahead.
and then she hit me with it...
My dog had passed on. Maybe passed on is not the right way to describe it, cause my dad had to put him down. But mom said, “we lost Buster...” as if he was misplaced. For a moment, I really hoped he had ran out of the house and was on the lamb, but deep down I knew what she meant. A 14 year-old bassett hound does not run away from a fireplace, two hots a day and probably as many walks, especially not when he has someone who loves him as much as my dad did.
There was more small talk between my mother and I, not that I can recall what was said, but, we exchanged good byes. I hung up and for a second sat down and just wished the fucking furnace man could be done. I wanted a few seconds alone. Maybe not to wail and gnash my teeth but, if I did want to do that, it would be ok.
he came upstairs about 15 minutes later, handed me a bill and then started with the small talk again. Asking if, “I had grown up in this area?” I told him he had and he name dropped some names on me. Names from my childhood and early adolescents. Names of kids who used to beat the shit out of me and torment me just for fun. Three brothers, two legit, one adopted, all mostly assholes. One is a cop, the other owns his own landscaping business and the third..well he just looks like a full-time prick. Driving around in his Mercedes convertible, trying to not let his thinning hair and bald spot show.
I didn't regale furnace man with tales of times gone by. I wanted him to go so I could be alone and start my day. He left. I took some time to think about my dog. I cried. I'm not above admitting it. There are certain bonds when created it takes a death to end them. My bond with Buster was good but not as strong as his bond with my father. For whatever reason my parents don't really associate with a whole lot of people. Not to say they're shut-ins or snobs but they still work a great deal and volunteer, so their free time is limited and often they just want alone time, much like myself.
My dad would get up every morning and go to the bathroom, take his pills and feed Buster. After Buster ate there was a quick walk and then dad and Buster would hop in the car. They would drive off the island to Tim Horton's where my dad would get a coffee and donut combo. The coffee for my dad, the donut for Buster. From what both my parents tell me, Buster was quite a hit at the drive-thru and usually he was salivating just waiting to pull into the window.
My dad grew up an only child, in a cold house, not to say he was not loved, but communication was not a strong suit of either my paternal grandparents. Grandad ha seen some shit in WWII and afterward, worked for the FBI for a short time. My grandmother, armed with a high school education, worked as a nurse for about a hundred years. After retiring, she donated about two thousand gallons of blood and did hospice visits or something or other. My dad had a good child hood, like me he was a fat kid, but I'm sure he wanted for nothing. He grew up with three or four great friends, two of which he is still in contact with and occasionally sees. Buster however, was a constant. Always around, always looking to see what my dad was up to...where he was going...and if there might be a treat involved.
The last two dogs my family has had have been bassetts. Rosebud, Busters predecessor, died early, we think she ate some rat poison and hemorrhaged to death cause our local vet was, “too busy” to take her. Buster on the other hand lived to be fourteen and had been in declining health. My dad was away at a conference when Rosebud died. I think he felt some sense of responsibility, I'm not sure why.
Dad was the only one around when the vet found a softball sized tumor on Buster's spleen. Mom told me that he called her at work, she has been working at the school she retired from just to pick up some extra money. “Wait...wait..wait..let me be there with you, “ she told me she told my father over the phone. He told her, “not to worry, that he could do this and not to bother leaving work.” He was the only one around when he made the decision. He was the only one around when his best friend was put to sleep.
Even now, there is a part of me that wants to know what was going through his head at that point. Not because I want him to relive a major tragedy in his life, but to gain from his experience. My dad has always been the greatest example of strength to me and I'm sure he felt anything but strong at that point. Part of me wants to give him a big hug and let him know he provided a wonderful life for Buster and that dog could not have asked for better owners and friends than my parents. But I won't say anything because I know how hard it is for him to express his feelings and even though I know it's cathartic for some, I think my dad is better left alone.
I finish this post tired and teary-eyed at the loss of a great friend and wonderful pet. I've been trying to take comfort in the fact that like the movie says, “All Dogs Go to Heaven.” I want to believe that. It is my firm hope and b
elief Buster has crossed the Rainbow Bridge without issue and is playing with all of his new found friends. Rest In Peace Buster, we will miss you very much!
I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ
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