It's 11:35 and...

I can't even choose a song to blog to. I suppose shuffle would have been a good idea but then again when you are listening to something mello and then Metallica comes up in the mix, that kind of fucks everything up now, doesn't it?

It's day two of better living through science, at least that's what I've been told. Both of the medical professionals I have seen believe I suffer from Dysthymia. Which from what I've read, lasts much longer and has more cases of suicide than your normal depression. Fan-fucking-tastic.

The drugs are making my stomach upset, and this will be par for the course at least for two weeks. I won't even notice a difference until about a month in...Excellent.

Tell me again how this is better than walking around in a gloomy mood?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

This weekend has...

been nothing but rain and more rain. I was going to try and tame the back yard but since half of it is under water...wtf is the point. Two more days of work and then two days off. I can't decide what to do. I want to go and see the davinci code but since my parents are going to a conference in Philly, they are leaving Buster, the wonderhound with me.

It will be good to have my dog around again but at the same time, he's old and gets nervous (pees all over) when he is alone for any stretch of time. Maybe I will have to scratch this weekend too and just spend some hound-dog time. *Sigh* no worries, it's not like I don't have books to read. My only concern is that my doctor appointment is on wednesday morning and I'm wondering if the meds I am sure to be prescribed are going to make me all sick and bajiggity.

I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ

P.S. Tony Pierce has a sweet video of Stevie Wonder breaking it down on his site.

Dont Bother Me

He's a dork granted...but that dude can break it down.

Daily Show on violent video games

Update...

Ok heres the shiz...

So Madame Therapist and I met tonight. Session went fine and we are still in agreement that I am depressed, need medications (she agrees on that, not I) and need to create some sort of social life for myself.

It's not like I'm a fucking hermit. I leave the house. I have a job, which I hold down without issue. I have friends all over the fucking country and North America if I count my internet friends. I'm sorry but I'm not really sure that early 30's fun is the kind of fun I am into.

Go out and meet people, not so much. People my own age are fucking boring. Why go out and spend money being around people who spend their existance chasing money? I'd rather stay home and read a book, maybe watch a movie or play a game.

"But Jackass, you'll never meet that special someone, the one who will complete you and make everything whole."

That's fine, I'm a total asshole so as far as meeting the person to complete me, I don't have any room for that. Now if you will excuse me, I have audio books to go and listen to.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

WNBC Today June 21 - Vincent Ferrari Interview

AOL is the fucking DEVIL! I'm sure this customer rep is under so much pressure to keep the accounts, he knows he is a goner... no matter what.

A $1 million dollar contract to play Halo 2

Apparently, I chose the wrong career path!

Major League Gaming (MLG), the world's first professional video game league, today announced that it has signed the nation's leading four-man Halo 2 team, Final Boss, to a $1 million dollar contract, and Tsquared, one of the top individual pros in the world, to a $250,000 deal.

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Neither Rhyme Nor...

Reason. Sometimes I wonder if there is a reason that I do anything I do. More often then not, I can’t see rhyme or reason for any of it. Tonight was a prime example. I had just finished making the appointment with the nurse practioner that I did not want to make. The one who will be prescribing the drugs I don’t want to take. The drugs that will all but cripple my writing ability…or lack thereof.

I hung up the phone and there was a sinking feeling in my chest. Something akin to what it must have been like to be on the Titanic. So I surfed the internet for awhile, checked email & myspace and comments and after finding no love anywhere, decided I needed to go shopping. To the Apple store I went.

There it is folks, the 60gig, video ipod. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and realistically, there is never going to be enough, “discretionary income” to allow me to purchase one outright, so I just went ahead and did it. Am I a little on edge, maybe but at least I have no excuse to not walk all over hell and back…I now have mobile music. We’re not talking about one disc here either. I have wanted an ipod for a long, long time; so much so that I am currently the last of my crew to get one. I even donated cash so other could replace their ipods before I had mine. I know what it’s like to rely on technology and then not have it. Thus, my purchasing of the 2 years of service.

After completing my order, DF Wrenchman called. He wanted to get coffee. I haven’t been much for going out lately but it was hot and an iced coffee sounded pretty good. I pulled on my shoes and ventured into the hood. We drank coffee and shot the breeze, not being rosy-cheeked teens can sometimes take all the fun out of life, sometimes it’s good to be old, to not have to deal with childish and mundane shit, like…high school. DFW asked if I had eaten yet. I had not, he offered to cook dinner and I accepted. We drove to his new apartment and on the way there passed the cemetery and ball field we played in as young, trouble makers. The ball field has since been fenced in and is patrolled fairly regularly by the local constables. Fuck the constables. DFW grilled up kielbasa and we watched Edmonton run out of gas in the first period. I drank my first ever Coke Zero and have to say, that’s pretty damn tasty for a soda sans sucre.

All in all a decent night: cool coffee, a hot meal and some luke warm hockey. I have spent many worse nights in the “fortress of solitude” eating Cheetos, drinking crystal light and wishing for a better life.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,

JJ

Today was a tough day.

Those of you, who know me personally, may or may not know that I have been battling depression for some time now. Today, after what seemed like a marathon counseling session, my therapist made the recommendation that I go on meds again. She also suggested that I start coming once a week. When asked, “If I felt like I wanted to hurt myself,” I was stunned.

I cannot tell you how profoundly these things affected me.

I don’t even have words for it myself right now.

Those of you who, don’t know me, those of you from the world wide web and other weird places, thanks for stopping by and commenting or not commenting as the case maybe.

I plan to continue blogging, though I’ve found when on medication both my motivation and creativity are virtually non-existent. Ha-Ha spell check does not recognize blogging.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Not too much....

fun going on today. I really shouldn't even be taking the time to write this, but I want to bust one out before I have to grind through the bull shit that is my day.

After a long and drawn out process, I am finally going to get a new tire for the f-1. It's been too long and now I fear my doughnut will turn into a doughnut hole unless I get a new tire...TODAY. It's not sunny but the weather is pleasant and breezy and as a card carrying member of the, "I love good fat guy weather" society, today puts a smile on my face. At least when I a wasting away in TownFaire Tire or in the jungle that is my back yard, I will not be completely soaked in sweat like the family pig...on the night before Easter.

In other developments...

Butt Trumpet, the chick-not the band, text messaged me last night. Apparently she was at the same place I was and didn't feel the need to stop and say hi. No sweat off my back. What's funny is the "W" saw her, didn't say anything to me, and then told me she was looking at me like a fat kid eyes the desert table. "This type of information can be very helpful to me..." or something to that effect stumbled from my lips.

While I don't hold the record for world's oldest virgin, Steve Carrell(40) & maybe former Laker great AC Green(39) have a few years on me. Tony Pierce said, "the easiest thing in the world to say is no." In most cases I would agree, but when it comes to whether or not you're gonna get all Glen Quagmire with some Betty, no can often be the hardest thing to say.

I know most of you are probably thinking I have a horn growing out of the center of my head, cloven hoofs, or have never smelled good enough to get within speaking distance of a woman. Truth be told, though I have not had the best luck with the fairer sex, I have indeed engaged in conversation and more. My reasons for saying no can vary from day to day. (Insert heart getting ripped out via asshole, multiple times here.) Way back when I was in high school, cir.1569, I was too much of a dork to even have a shot. Thank God for music, and women into the alternative scene.

In my late teens and early 20's I hung out with some cool chicks, some chicks I would consider, some that I would not, and some well, some I had not a snowball's chance in Hell with.

Again, you're saying, "dude, your calling them chicks...of course they don't want to talk to you." Rest assured, I'm not THAT socially impared. Taking the road less travelled, I started college at the ripe old age of 23. The unseen advantage of the dudes in my hall calling me, "Grampa" automatically gave up the goods to unsuspecting co-eds in search of an older guy, or in my case, someone old enough to buy apple pucker & wine coolers.

So to make a long story short, you are all wondering how I got through college and several post collegiate years without, "closing the deal" so to speak. Simple. The fact I have a blog, evidence there are too many thoughts running through my head, that I need to spill on these electronic pages should be enough to clue you in to the fact I can't shut my brain off. I think / obsess ALOT. In most cases it gets in the way of me living my life, but that's my deal not yours. The other reason I haven't had sex yet, is just the fact that I have waited this long and what's the point of just sleeping with anyone, when you have been saving it...thinking it/your worth something?

Color me the only guy in the world that thinks this way, but I don't care. Butt Trumpet asked me out for cocktails on Friday. While she has made it blatantly clear we could do the horiztontal mambo on several occasions, I'm still not going to take her up on it. As a *sigh* errupts from the crowd. Never fear, there will be cocktails and conversation and if my companion decides she wants to jiggle the handle or perhaps play the trombone, who am I to say no?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

From the, "Are you Fucking Kidding Me?!?!?" Files.

RIAA Says No Dancing To Music On YouTube

RIAA is apparently sending out cease-and-desist letters to YouTube users who dare to put up videos of things such as themselves dancing to music they haven't licensed.

And they say Big Brother is not watching....horseshit!

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There are some...

benefits of being a bachelor. I have yet to find a majority of them but I do know, being able to make vacation reservations for one and being able to eat meals that would kill most normal people 3-4 nights a week is definately a plus.

There has not been a whole lot for me to write about lately. Not an excuse, I just figured people would rather me not write at all, rather than just complain and bitch and complain. Anyway, things are what they are and for what it's worth I will give you the updates I have.

May brought rain, rain and more motherfucking rain. It was the kind of rain one could not get away from, the kind of rain which soaked through to the bone and that chilled you hours after being warm and dry, the kind of rain that falls in Edinburgh, except you mind this rain.

Luckily I had plans for Memorial Day weekend. I jumped a plane to the Midwest, MN to be more exact. Instead of chilling rains and gray skies, I was going to the land of chilling temperatures and 10,000 lakes. I left Rhode Island worrying that I had forgotten to pack a coat, a hoodie or just a little something to keep the pre-summer chills off of me.

The further west I travelled, the better the weather seemed to get. I haven't seen skies as blue and as clear as I did in Milwaukee. The view from the airport was fantastic and when we hit the ground in Minneapolis/St. Paul, the pilot informed us the local weather was a low of 73, with a high of 95...a temperature of 80 degrees at 11pm. So much for needing a jacket!

I walked what seemed to be the Appalachian trail to get to my rental car. See, when you have no money and fly the discount airlines, MIDWEST, (which...by the way, I would recommend to ANYONE) you are made to walk a little in regard to making a connection or to pick up a rental. This is especially true in MSP. So I got to Avis and they told me for $3 more a day, I could have a convertible Ford Mustang.

Now, I know what you are all thinking. TAKE IT!!! However, being jackassjimmy, a guy with a lead foot, who always has automotive trouble before coming to MN. (2001 loss of license and $700 speeding ticket) I decided to stick with my Toyota Corolla. With gas prices being what they are, there was no need for me to have a few extra ponies under the hood. Besides, I drove the Corolla around all week, with the air on and only had to put $11.50 in when I brought it back. Not too shabby.

I drove to Fat Guy's house as he guided me in. Lucky there was no traffic on 94 or 35 so the drive took me like 20 minutes, although I have to be honest, there were times I was not conscious of the speed limit and I'm sure I was doing like 65 in a 40. Such is life. Fat Guy met me and helped me with my bags. It was good to see him as it had been about three years and we had limited time to hang out on my last visit into town. Something about him getting married or something.

The next few days, I spent with Mr. & Mrs. Fat Guy, Fat Guy's parents and in-laws. It was a good time and there can never be enough beers drank in MN. I mean, we drink here in Rhody but to sit in the garage and put a case down in an hour or so, that's just not right. On my second night in town, Citrus Queen called me and let me know she was in town and that she wanted to get together for drinks or whatever.

We met at McGovern's, a cool bar and eatery, not that anyone did much eating. Citrus Queen was radiant as ever and she brough some more old friends, Curly and Bex with her. All in all good times seeing everyone. True to form, JJ decided to make the jump to light speed and stopped drinking grain belt and thought shots would be a good idea.

Long story short, I end up outside of the West 7th tap, with my head in a bag and not knowing why the bag is so heavy...it's not like I had anything to eat all day.

To be continued.

random...

It's 5:11.

Which is exactly one hour after I got home from work. Right after the "W" and I met for coffee. My jury is still out on self imposed nick names. In other words, I'm not sure how I feel about that shit but for now, "W" is all good in the hood.

Hi there...

This is me, attempting to make a comeback. I've been a bad blogger. There has been a lot going on but nothing to talk about, so maybe I could have saved my self some sleepless nights and aggrevation, if I had just forced myself to sit down and write. Long gone are the days of writing not being a chore. Way back when, they didn't call it, "blogging" they called it "journaling" and it was done on anything from a scrap of paper to some of those really snooty $50 leather-bound jobbies you can get at B&N. Now, anyone has the power to put their thoughts and opinions out on the webwaves. You can say whatever you want on this vast interweb and for the most part, no one will bother you. You might say some off-sides kind of shit, but if you can back it up, (and I'm not talking in a house of pain/boyz in the hood kinda way) then...play on player. It's a far cry from sitting in a room stacked with old .99 cent notebooks thinking, "no matter what anyone says, I'm not as crazy as Spacey's character in SE7EN." Now you can put it all out there and if you give people the option, and feel so compelled, they can say, "yeah man, I know what you're saying." or "Chist on a stick...you are fucked!" Either way, there are options.

Options for what...I have no idea.


I'm just one man.

Trying to make a comeback.


I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ