Life is...

I have things in my head, not that I necessarily need to get out...
but they are in my head none the less.

This post feels forced to me and that's the worst. Writing to write, when you have nothing to say. I find it to be even more idiotic and inane than conversations about the weather, because in reality, I am conversing with myself here. Let's be honest.

I went out for a beer after work last night. Something I don't usually do, but that has become more frequent with recent staffing changes. I had one beer. One beer. I guess you could say I was not in the mood to drink, or maybe it was the company, either way, all I could think of was that, in a bar, at midnight on a Wednesday, was one of the last places I wished I was.

Work really drains me and when I'm done, all I want to do is go home and decompress. I want to throw on a hoodie and some fleecy pants and call it a day. I was at work for like 14 hours yesterday, which probably greatly contributed to my postal feelings when I left. I have another long day today, not 14 hours long, but long enough. At least I am on the brink of my weekend.

Lately, people have been telling me I need to make changes in my life. That I should not be so eager to settle and be done with life. Whatever, walk a mile in a man's shoes, yadda...yadda...yadda.

A couple of days ago, I walked across the street to the convenience store. I was after a cherry soda and some cheese balls. As I took the same path to the cooler I always do, I realized I never pay attention to anything any more. When I actually stopped and looked around, the store that provided me with late night munchies and the latest issues of whatever video game magazine was popular at the time, had transformed and is now a place where people can buy used VHS tapes, fake name brand merchandise, bongs and other grass tacticals and jack-it mags. After that, I couldn't stomach the cheese balls and the cherry soda was, shall we say a little bit bitter. Hooray for progress, right?

At least I'm starting to see more sunshine everyday. Even if not, I still have Less Than Jake right?



I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Come On Heat Mizer!!!

Let it be said right here and right now, I am all FUCKING DONE with Winter!

Winter can go and fuck itself in its filthy, rotten, snow-congested asshole for all I care. NO MORE SNOW THIS WINTER!!!

I'm so tired of shoveling and uncovering my car that I don't care if the planet shrivels up into a fucking dust bowl, as long as there is no more snow. I mean I know it's still winter but we're almost into March and it's still colder than a polar bears asshole, with wind and frigid temperatures and shit. GAHH!!

In other news, work has been fucking crazy as of late, with riots on H Block almost every night. I have been training new people, which basically means I have been working by myself for the last week. Yeah, that's awesome.

It's Sunday here in little Rhody and we all know what that means, there is no rock anywhere on the radio. With the exception of WHJY, which doesn't acknowledge that time has not stopped at 1987, there is no reasonably new rock on the radio, on Sunday. Thank God for my ipod.

After spending what seemed like 45 minutes cleaning the crispity crunchity crust of snow off of my car, I was able to drive to T-Ho's to get a PHENOMENAL cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich with sausage. I don't normally indulge in the fast food breakfast, but my recent regimen of oatmeal with raisins, has left me desiring something bad. This morning, I had it. G-licious!

I knew I was in for some sideways glances this morning as I pulled around the drive through. I had nail polish on my nails, (easiest way to describe why, is I lost a bet) and had not been able to take it off yet. So, of course I knew everyone who works the morning drive thru at T-Ho's was going to find a reason to come to the window and ask me a question. I was right, about 37 people asked me if I wanted to make my order a combo, or some variation there of. I get it. It's not every AM you get to see some big burly motherfucker wearing nail polish and blaring Lamb of God, in the drive thru. To be honest, I'm sure there are many more strange things than that, but I digress.

Time to get ready for my new and hopefully, improved week of work. I bought some new sunglasses this weekend on the internet. I'm hoping this might motivate summer to get here a little faster.

Any thoughts? Or have I spent my hard earned dollars to look like a douchebag?


I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Fuck lazy assess...

in the goat ass!

Got some stuff I want to say but, I just worked 16 hours straight and I need to finish hammering down this oatmeal and go to bed.

oh and I have to be back to work for 3pm...

AWESOME

I know there was no sentence structure, grammar or syntax going on up above.

Cut me some slack!

Hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

So much to...

read and write down and so little time. Goddamn, I need a sugar-mama to hook me up with some cha-ching. Having to go to work everyday is really putting a cramp in my investigative and creative endeavours.

How did you like my Canadian flavour?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Just a little...

something to break the monotony.

Yep, it's still really fucking cold.

While I've always been able to wait out Spring without too much anxiety, this year has been a bit tougher. We've been lucky here and haven't been inundated with snow unlike other places in the country, but the cold stretches of weather have been a bit much. I mean here we are mid way through February and it's still very, very chilly.

Not much going on other than work and well..work. I have a new boss and for the most part he seems like a pretty cool guy. He comes in with a background in the type of work that I do, so it's somewhat comforting that I don't have to break in a “newbie” so to speak. Since I've been back with, “the Agency” things have been up and down. Right now things are really fucking stressful and honestly it takes all of my energy to get through a shift, let alone getting frozen in for two in a row.

In other news...

I'm looking for a new doctor. Not that my old doctor was bad, but in the coming months, I'm going to have neither the time, nor desire to drive down the coast probably twice a month. Plus if I were to have to do that, well then, I guess there would be more visits with my parents.

Don't get me wrong, love them to death and wish I could see them more, but sometimes I just really, really need solid blocks of alone time. I don't call my place, “the fortress of solitude” for nothing.

Today is Saturday, February 16th and most of the day will be spent cleaning said, “fos” as it will heretofore be referred to. I'm not the dirtiest guy on the planet, but not the cleanest either. Sometime when you let life get ahead of you, you come home and realize your place is starting to look like one of the residences on COPS. That's probably a good time to start cleaning.

However, I'm not the only person who has let life run away with them, or forgotten what's it's like to be young and have fun. Check this “Dude” out.




While I am in full agreement that Baltimore is a dangerous city, and probably a very tough city to be a police officer in, this “officer of the law” who is sworn to, “protect and serve” did nothing but bully and intimidate. You have to give respect to get it and while the teen in question uttered no profanity or vulgar language, he was probably to frightened to conform to the orders and insults being barked at him. And police officers all over wonder why they get a bad rap. Maybe if dough nut donkeys like Officer Rivieri could spend a little more time in sensitivity training or working with abused kids, he might learn how to speak to people the way he wants to be spoken to.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Sick and Tired...but mostly sick

Hi, you might not know me but my name is Buckley. JJ calls me Buck for short. Jackass Jimmy has come down with a hell of a cold. I gave him some of my awful-tasting cough mixture and he seems to be sleeping, fitfully, in the recliner, right next to this computer. It seems as though JJ has been somewhat lazy in posting, so while he's sleeping let's chat awhile shall we?

So, I guess you check in here from time to time and see if he's written anything. I bet that's disappointing for you most times. It is for me too. The funny thing is, even though JJ(as I like to call him)sees things from the darker side of life, he really has a way of expressing himself that's just hilarious sometimes. Other times well, no one bats 1000%.

Good ol' JJ has been working like a son of a gun! There was lots of overtime last week and not much sleep. I remember him coming home one night a little later than usual, he was acting weird, almost as if he had too much to drink. Then he started calling a text messaging almost everyone he knew. Ha! That boy was on a roll! Lately, JJ has been talking about the new Angels and Airwaves disc. That thing has been on repeat for like weeks. Hopefully, he'll get tired of it soon. It's not that I'm not a fan but in case you didn't know, I'm from Canada and would much rather hear some Our Lady Peace or Tea Party.

I have been telling JJ to get as much rest as he can but, “there are video games to be played and books to be read...” is all he ever says. Poor guy. He works hard all week and when his weekend rolls around, he has to spend the whole thing sleeping, cause he's sick.

Well the constant coughing that was keeping ol' JJ up all night seems to have gone the way of the buffalo. Just shows you that your cough medicine doesn't have to be all filled with sugar or alcohol to work. Granted, I might not taste like a fruit basket, but wouldn't you rather take something that works right away, versus something that tastes good? Me too. I'm going to stop typing for awhile, that big bastard over there is snoring like a drunken hobo and I'd feel bad waking him.

You all have a good night and we'll meet again soon.

As ol' JJ says, “I hope you all are well.”

Cheers,
Buck

Yadda...Yadda...Yadda

So this is the new year...

I finished 2007 strong, working and receiving an A in my nursing class.

2008 has started off somewhat differently.

I'm back to work at: The Agency, different unit, same bullshit. I'm now working the 3-11 shift, which in someways is better for me. I'm often early for my shift, rather than 10-15 minutes late. This does a great deal for my accumulation of vacation and earned time, which is always good. However, even with Fridays & Saturdays off, I still find having a tough time having any sort of a life.

So...

there has been some reading getting done. But, there has also been a ton of sleeping and video game playing. For those of you ensconced in the real of dorkdom like myself, God of War 2, for the Playstation 2, is one bad mama-jama, and better than the first if you can believe that.

My brother recommended Kung Fu High School to me. He's a bright guy with diverse interests, but sometimes I honestly don't know where he finds some of the books he reads. Not your typical novel, KFHS deals with several cliques in a high school who spend their time building body armor, weapons of ass destruction and battling one another. Maybe not to much of stretch of the truth from todays public school systems, but I'm glad I'm light years removed from all of that bullshit.

I should be in school this semester. I'm a procrastinating dumbass and waited and waited and waited to take a test I need to take before I'm able to register for more classes. This is ultimately putting me further behind the eight ball (a place I don't want to be) and will probably force me to spend an additional winter in the beast.

Have I learned? Yes, there will be no more procrastinating as I have crafted daily to do lists. Now if I can only remember where I put it.

Only one day off this week as I have to cover for my 30 year old boss, who is attending a professional wrestling event. What have I done to deserve this?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

I'm not going to lie, I've been away for sometime. However, what better and more lame of a return to the blog than a MEME? Also, I totally poached this from www.beantowngeek.com Just trying to give credit, where credit is due.

Year in Review meme
1.What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?

Earned a 4.0 GPA WOOHOO!!!

2.Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I generally don't make them as I have so much going on, I can never remember what they were. However there are some standing orders I have for myself, which I suppose could be considered resolutions. In no certain order:
* Try and make less of me
*Try to cook more and healthier
*More positive self talk
*Be happier
*breathe

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Kate and Smitty had a beautiful baby boy

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

- More Joy.
- Less debt.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

12.31.07 20 years in the making and well worth it.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

4.0 I was a basket of nerves the whole time but it was for the greater good.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not taking tests I need to take to make more academic progress and underestimating a Sicilian when death was on the line.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Psoriasis...grrr...Diabetes...double grrr!!! Other than those two, maybe a cold here and there. It was a pretty good year illness wise.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?

A case of Florida Citrus

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

W's (not the asshat in office) and the Citrus Queen

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Moon Man and SP's

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, rent, women who have no intention of being anywhere near as good to me as I am to them.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Fat kid Pilgrimage '07 and 12.31.07

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Here in your Arms - Hellogoodbye

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Overall happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Wee bit thinner.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Traveled, specifically, CA,MN and IL

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worried.

20. How do you plan to spend Christmas?

Same as always friends and family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

You know, being the sap I am, that's a loaded question, but no.

22. How many one night stands?

None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Top Chef

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Yes.

25. What was the best book you read?

Women by Charles Bukowski.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Jack's Mannequin

27. What did you want and get?

One of the 12000 drink combinations from Sonic

28. What did you want and not get?

A forever friend...

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

I Am Legend.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

34 and maybe dinner but, my brother took me, JC and W to Fenway Park to see the Sox vs. Yanks and the 4 consecutive home runs!

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not being betrayed by someone I bent over backwards for.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Have you seen the way I dress? One part tornado, one part college student

33. What kept you sane?

My friends both real and virtual, music and my ipod, my family, and as always...diet soda

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Keith Olbermann.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The non-stop lying and warmongering as well as the democratic infighting.

36. Who do you miss?

Erick, Citrus Queen and pretty much anyone I went to college with, though there are some exceptions

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Hutch, John Stone and Mikey Lo

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007?

It's not going to stop.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Don't let the bastards grind you down...

Dashboard Reflectional...

The worst is when you can't tell if you are angry at someone or not. If you want to punch them in the face or make sweet, sweet love to them. It's not often I'm in this state of flux and ergo, why I am having such a tough time dealing. Truth be told, I'm not sure weather this is anger or gasp, dare I say, ”jealousy”... Hey, Jealousy. But I do know it was tough to find a sympathetic ear when I was in tough shape for driving.

Whatever...

Just cause I listen to the same listen music as 17 year old boys, doesn't mean I'm not in touch with or completely lack feelings. I guess as a person who lacks feeling, that's tough to comprehend. My wish for you would be to find some someday. Whether you want to believe me or not, they're not all that bad.

I hope you all are well.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SURLY PUMP MONKEY!!!

Cheers,
JJ

What the fuck...

Is there no intelligent life on this rock?

I've searched maybe not long, maybe not hard, but I've at least searched for good blogs from RI. I don't even include my own blog in the “good blog” category as I update about as much as Courtney Love washes her box, but still...

Are we that devoid of thought and contribution to force me to pay for a subscription to deadjournal, so I can link to teens from RI, who write consistently at least, albeit over who sucks less cock, My Chemical Romance or The Used...

Most of the blog directories I have found have offered carbon copy links. I've even gone through some of my tried and true “go to” links and have come back with nothing.

I suppose I could be like every other person who just wants hits and link to Dooce, but I have a bit more pride than to link to someone I don't know and more importantly, someone I don't read on a consistent basis.

Then there is the, “link to Rhode Islander's on myspace.” Yeah, file that under fuck that. Real bloggers don't blog on myspace. Though I suppose Mystery Cookie and other might argue. Really, how can one argue with someone with the moniker, Mystery Cookie?

Once I have some technical issues taken care of, I'm not promising anything but I am going to make a concerted effort to make my blog, one of the better ones in RI.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
jG

Now that things...

Are back to normal and the Boston Red Sox are World Champions again, things such as sleep can again have a place in my life. There are few things harder than getting to work for seven-am, when your favorite baseball team kept you up until two-three (sober or not so much) in the morning. However, since I am pretty sure I will be layed off within two weeks, 10-15 minutes late is not going to keep me up at night.

Anyway...

While at work this weekend, I overheard part of a funny phone conversation. Someone who recently came to work on my unit, has turned out not only to be funny, but generous and a good person to boot, was having a conversation about music with someone on the phone. While I can usually do a great job of tuning anything out, what I am about to write here made me laugh out loud.

Co-worker: Yeah I think so, no I'm going to buy the Something Corporate.

Friend on Phone: .....

Co-worker: I don't know, I've never really heard them before.

Friend on Phone: .....

Co-Worker: No, they aren't.

Friend on Phone: !!!!!

Co-Worker: No, They Aren't! Dashboard Confessional are not just for fat, white girls from Wisconsin!!!


At this point, the coffee I was drinking almost shot out of my nose at the speed of light. I apologized as soon as she hung up. I then explained going to college in SE, Minnesota, I knew many white girls, fat or not from Wisconsin. I continued to explain that while her friend's observation was astute, it was somewhat off the mark. White girls from Wisconsin are more of the Dave Matthews, Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson ilk.

Then we both had learned something and also had a good laugh.

Today W returns from his trip to the dirrrty south, which is good cause shits were getting boring around here. I also have to write a paper on growing trends in health care and how they will affect my job and society as a whole.

Anyone want to make some quick $$$?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

GO SOX!!!

So last night I took a mid-term. I studied probably enough but not as much as I would have liked. either did really well or really bad on my exam.

As she was handing our exams out, my prof reassured everyone by telling us, "Not to worry because, if we didn't perform as well as we should, we could work something out.

Now don't get me wrong, I like a do over as much as the next guy, but when my class consists of sitting in a hot room, for two and a half hours on a Tuesday night, reading through copies of a power point presentation, verbatim...I wonder what it is I paid for at the beginning of the semester?

Having already attained a degree, I am familiar with the entry level courses having a much higher percentage of "hoop-jumping" but this just seems a bit ridiculous to me.

You know what else grinds my gears? Perfectly healthy young men, who carry their books and materials in those fucking backpacks with wheels. Are you going to class or on vacation?

-END RANT-

If you are looking to listen & discover new music, check this out! It's totally Jackass approved!

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Slamazon...

I know I always bitch and complain about the battles I have with amazon but, I just found an out-of-print cd, that I have been searching for, for sometime, for $6.

Used, yes, used. I love buying used cause fuck the RIAA! I'm not stealing it, I'm paying for it and you can bet your ass it's going right on my ipod.

So now that my retail therapy has been completed, its off to study.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Hi there...

I have to tell you, one of the skills I've learned as an adult is patience. Not the Gun's N' Roses type but the kind that only makes me think about stabbing stupid people in the morning coffee line.

However, there are still somethings that make me cringe like a 5 year old, anxiously awaiting Christmas.

1. Having to wait for the sporadic release of my favorite comic book, Fell. I was never really into comic books enough to create a long-term interest, but this book by Warren Ellis & Ben Templesmith is great.

2. Borat: Fuck this guy in the ass with Shaquille O'Neal's dress shoes. Not funny...NOT FUNNY...NOT FUNNY!!!

3. Missing Concerts: Interpol, still not over this one. Waited forever to see them and low and behold of course...plans get fubar'ed.

I'm not going to make this post an extended rant cause, well why should I waste any more of your time?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

why...

study for a midterm when you can go vacuum cleaner shopping and spend time with the one who, you are sure will eventually rip your heart out via your ass?

It is said that behind every good man is a better woman. I'm not sure if better or craftier is more appropriate. I am sure that I don't want to go to Field of Screams or any of that halloween bullshit tonight.

The things we put up with for love/lust/napping partners.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

not dead...not yet

...sometimes reading about women or watching them in movies or television is just better for your sanity than the real thing. I hung out with my favoritest of lady friends today. Tonight she wanted to jump in the F1, plug in the ipod and just go.

Who am I to say no?

and in my attempt for power and glory, I nearly disembowled the F1 and left my favoritest to spend the night with another man in her bed.

good times...good times.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

The Grind...

Eight minutes to midnight. Sounds like the title of a shitty eighties metal song. Either that or I am starting to lack in the originality department.

I'm going with a lack of originality, it's not like there have been any new ideas in the last 100 years. Ok, as far as an update is concerned...

My job fucking sucks.

Wait, no, that's not quite right. My job is fine, the idiots I work with are making me not want to go to work anymore. Last time this happened,
I ended up leaving a, “fuck you & good bye” letter on my bosses desk, late on a Sunday afternoon. I mean it's still an option but since I have
three years in, I should at least give two weeks so I can use hell as a reference.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm staying employed by hell, just making a lateral move to another department. The good thing about Hell is there are
many, many places to work. Never a dull moment if you know what I mean. The prospect of earning a full-time paycheck while I train for a
big boy job is somewhat gratifying. I mean sure, I'm going to have next to no social life for two years, but shit, I've almost done that for the better
part of 15 years, two should be a walk in the park.

If anything, being back in school, learning, using my brain will probably help me to not feel so stuck. Yes, there will be a plethora of women in
my program, but I really am focused on getting through school as soon as possible. Nursing is not a cake walk and I'm sure there are going to
be nights and days where I wish I had hair left to rip out. At any rate, when I make it through, I can work anywhere in the country and make a
good living doing it.

Plans for independence day are as follows:

6:00am Wake up
6:15 wake up again
6:20 get in shower/wash filthy ass
6:30 dry and dress/shave and brush
6:40 take pills/sigh/gel hair
6:50 turn on computer/glance at news
6:55 leave for work
7:00 get iced tea at T-Ho's
7:05 Arrive at work 5 minutes late.
7:10-8:10 Try and wake up
8:30-3:00PM put up with inane bullshit from co-workers
3:00:01 punch out and leave work
3:30 drive to brother's fiances families house
4:00 do cook out type stuff
9:00 Drive home
9:20 Check email/screw around on interweb/read
12:00 go to bed.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

I've lost that loving feeling...

I'm not going to lie, it's gone...gone...gone.

Even with all of the other nonsense going on in my life, I'm usually good about being able to turn it off and go to work.

Not so much as of late.

I can't see giving 110% to a place that just beats you until you break. Now, I'm not broken, but I'm getting there.

That having been said...

It's time for a graceful exit and time to move on to hopefully greener pastures.

I've been told a change of latitude will help my attitude, this may also be true. Fuck it, it is true.
I'm trying to pick out a date and just go. While I will miss my home, a whipping boy no more will I be.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Bent over again...

It's 9:00AM on Saturday morning and it feels and sounds as if the whole world went out drinking last night. Not that I mind, it's just odd, cause normally I don't notice it. Normally, I am at work. Normally. You see today is special. Today I am taking a Saturday off. I am not working today because I'm upset with my place of employment. So much so, I don't mind burning a vacation day to not be there.

After three years of loyal service, I was passed over for a promotion I was told was going to be mine. I was told this not once but twice, (off the record mind you) by the hiring manager and this job, for all intensive purposes, should have been mine. See they decided to go with someone who has only been employed with the Agency for seven months. Seven months, versus three years...you see where I'm going with this?

Not only does this person not possess the qualifications necessary to even apply for the job, but they lack the skill and finesse necessary to get it done well, the way it needs to be done.

As a result, here I sit in my boxers, on a Saturday morn, drinking iced coffee and blogging, trying to figure out whether I am going to buy guitar hero or one of those things you can dock your ipod in, while you charge and listen to it. All of these things better than being at work on a Saturday.

I hope you all are well.


Cheers,
JJ

Honest Bloggers Quiz...

1. which political party do you typically agree with? democrat

2. which political party do you typically vote for? democrat

3. list the last five presidents that you voted for? Kerry, Gore, clinton, clinton, don't think I was old enough to vote previously

4. which party do you think is smarter about the economy? democrat

5. which party do you think is smarter about domestic affairs? democrat

6. do you think we should keep our troops in Iraq or pull them out? Should have been gone a long time ago

7. who, or what country, do you think is most responsible for 9/11? obl and the bush family.

8. do you think we will find weapons of mass destruction in iraq? even if we did, no one cares anymore. too many civilians and troops on both sides have died.

9. yes or no, should the u.s. legalize marijuana? yes.

10. do you think the republicans stole the last presidental election? yes

11. do you think bill clinton should have been impeached because of what he did with monica lewinski? no.

12. do you think hillary clinton would make a good president? yes.

13. name a current democrat who would make a great president: hillary

14. name a current republican who would make a great president: mccain

15. do you think that women should have the right to have an abortion? yes.

16. what religion are you? Christian.

17. have you read the Bible all the way through? no

18. what's your favorite book? Boys Life, Robert McCammon.

19. who is your favorite band? Hammock

20. who do you think you'll vote for president in the next election? whoever the dems put up.

21. what website did you see this on first? tonypierce.com + busblog

Times are a changin'...

I believe it was Snap who said, “It's getting, it's gettin, it's getting' kinda hectic!” Much like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie. It is getting kinda hectic.

See my boss decided he no longer wanted to be a boss anymore. He decided he wanted a different job, more responsibility, something to keep it interesting for him. Nevertheless, J-Unit needed a boss, and since I have been there since day one, we all know who the likely candidate for the job is. That doesn't always mean the most likely candidate wants the job. I mean don't get me wrong, having every other weekend off and a bump in pay so small that a gnat's dick laughs at it is one thing. Being at work for almost 12 hours a day, that just sucks ass.

It does look as though I will be getting the job. The powers that be have crowned me acting supervisor as of right now with no potential dark horse candidates. We shall see...

In other news...

Last Saturday I was witness to something I never thought I would see in my life time. I went to a breast cancer benefit and saw local rock legends Kilgore Smudge, reunite and play for the first time in about twelve years. The show itself was nothing short of heaven. Original members, J. Berndt, Bilgore Southerland, Brian McKenzie and Jay “Smitty” Smith took the stage and brought the loyal folk of the Providence alt-rock/hardcore scene back in time. Playing a set list that welcomed fans new and old Kilgore showed rock and rock that quality does stand the test of time. Not only was I helping out boobs all over the world, but, I saw people I haven't seen in years. All in all it was a great time and I highly recommend anyone catch Kilgore's probably last show ever, July 7th at The Livingroom, Providence, RI. Kilgore will be playing the now back from the dead, State of Corruption, another band of great guys. So come on out, have a few drinks and be treated to some phenomenal fucking music.



I hope you all are well.


Cheers,
JJ

In absentia...

Yeah...

so there was something of an unexpected absence as of late. It's not that I've not had anything to say, or at least I'd like to think that. It's more of my head has been so busy spinning around in circles, that most days I don't know whether to shit or go blind.

Work has been a bit of a challenge lately both in the actual work I do and in all of the politics which surround it. I know in past postings I have alluded vaguely to what I do and it's not that I can't talk about it, it's more of there are so many privacy issues with the type of career I'm in, it's just easier to take some, “creative license” when speaking / blogging about work.

At any rate, due to budget cuts, “the Agency” is struggling financially and this just makes for a very unpleasant work environment. When you tell people who already don't make squat for a paycheck, they will not be receiving a raise this year, well...there is just no good way to do it. People are understandably upset, and I am one of those people. However, I happen to be someone who has been with my program and unit since it was opened. I have seen things be a lot better and I have seen things be much worse.

What I try and remind people of is there are a wealth of people, who work for the same Agency, who make about half of what we do, and still have to come to work everyday. So while things are not always hunky-dory, they could be worse.

My boss has decided to take another position, and rather than wait and see who they would give command of the unit to, I have thrown my hat in the ring for unit supervisor. It's not much of a bump in pay for the amount of responsibility I am taking on. Basically the only perk is that I would be earning another week of vacation time and having every other weekend off.

To be honest, I really like having Sunday / Monday off but I guess the whole saturday / sunday thing won't be too bad. There is a lot of down time on the weekend and as the old proverb states, “idle hands do the devil's work.” While I'm not overjoyed at the prospect of taking the ships wheel, I would rather take it that have to train some asshat greener than the rolling hills of Ireland.

That having been said, I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Respect Due...

I have been fortunate enough to see both of these gentlemen tear it up in an intimate environment. While moving, this performance does not do their talent justice.

enjoy!

Easter Beaster...

Lots of watching and reading going on this week. Though I was tired, like I was beaten with a sock full of nickels, I was able to finish The United States of Wal*Mart. While it was an entertaining read on one of the lyingest of lying liars of corporate America, having worked for the devil itself, there really was nothing I didn't know. I was however shocked and surprised at the rate at which Wal*Mart is growing. John Dicker, the author, did a good job of investigating some of the seedier business practices Wally-World would rather you didn't know. For that alone he should be commended.

When not reading about the evil of that fucking Smiley-faced roll back the prices and not pay anyone a livable wage bastard, I watched Will Ferrell's reasonable new film, “Stranger than Fiction.” A drama-dy, I was a bit hesitant going in. I thought this was going to be another of those “Saturday Night Live guys, who have made some cash with comedies and now want to try some real acting...but fail miserably” movies. Ferrell blew me away with his ability to not be “Frank the Tank, Elf, Ron Burgundy” or any of the other cast of village idiots he is so well known for. STF, is about an IRS agent, Harold Crick, who is literally the main character of a book being written by struggling writer, Karen Eiffel, played by Emma Thompson. Ferrell is a chronically boring IRS agent with an ability for figures, slight OCD and the ability to bore anyone with the unfortunate luck to run into him. Not until Ferrell is assigned to audit the books of ex-ivy-league law student- turned anarchist baker, Ana Pascal, played by Maggie Gyllenhaal, does Ferrell wake up and realize, he has missed most of his life. Ferrell's realization coupled with the fact he feels he is going insane, due to the voices in his head, make for a very interesting film. The cast also includes Queen Latifa, Dustin Hoffman and Tony Hale, who most will know as Buster Bluth, from the ridiculously canceled Fox comedy, Arrested Development. STF moves slowly at times but overall I felt the ending was worthy of my time.

I also attempted to watch, The Illusionist this week but found this was more of a vehicle for a fitful nights rest, than anything else. One should not look at this film and be comforted by the fact both Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti signed on for this film. I know most consider Jessica Biel to be a case full of eye candy, but she can't act her way out of a paper bag and if she has squandered the money she made on 7th Heaven, then she deserves to go down in obscurity with any movie shot in the year 2006 in sepia-tone. I don't know if the producers thought people would think this is a clever trick or that no one would notice. NEWSFLASH: if the film is slow and quiet, having a dark tone is only going to encourage people to sleep even more!!!

Friday night, I went to a showcase of superhero plays, written by child authors, sponsored by the Manton Avenue Project. The works were well crafted and funny but a night of children's theater can leave one yearning for some intellectual stimulation.

Work has been well work and though there are lay-offs all around, my position seems to be safe for the time being. That does not mean I have stopped looking for a big-boy job because as my 340th birthday approaches, it would be nice to be paid like an adult for once in my life.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Catch Up...

At a time when I don't think I have ever been more broke in my life, it's odd to me I am as happy as I am. Maybe I just think I am happy, or maybe this is some sort of really intense and elaborate dream? One I will wake from and discover the life I live now has all been the product of a fitful nights sleep. I will wake and be married with 2.5 children, a house in the sticks and a golden retriever or two. How the hell does someone have 0.5 children anyway?

It's Monday and I am supposedly going to the mall in about an hour or so with Princess. I really have no love for the mall, especially Providence Place. The parking garage alone is enough to cause seizures in the most patient of drivers. That coupled with the fact this mall in particular attracts the pillars of society, just make me wish I could somehow dodge this bullet. If nothing else, I will get to hang out with Princess, maybe have some lunch and overall be more social and possibly productive than if I were to stay at home all day.

Last week I went and saw The 300. It was entertaining and had something for everyone. I recommend it as a date movie for people who have been dating awhile. There were plenty of fine examples of men, who worked out way to hard to get roles, needing no acting ability whatsoever. In contrast to this, the amount of combat and violence in the film is such that it will hold even the simplest of knuckle-draggers attention. While it was entertaining, I was glad I caught it mid-week at the showcase and payed only $6. Had I been an unfortunate soul, who took in the film on opening weekend and payed $10.50, I might have been somewhat more disenchanted with The 300 overall.

Other than that, not too much has been new. I am looking for an "in addition to" job to supplement my kingly salary at "The Unit." Something mindless might be what I'm looking for, but at this point, as long as I'm not scrubbing a toilet or picking up after people with 2/3d's less IQ points than me, I'm ok with whatever the job might entail. Ah...America! What a country.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Monday Winter Haiku

Old Man Winter sucks
like a bus station hooker
snow in March is gross

Case of Mundays....

[Is this good for drinkin?]



I awoke this morning in a haze something like Sunday mornings in college. All I could remember from my slumber was, whilst I slept, I joined Sarah McLachlan's All Clarinet Orchestra and the George Dubya, had recommended I have little chocolate donettes for breakfast.

Pondering the source of said advice, I had a fresh mango and about 4 glasses of water. The older I get, the longer it takes for this jackass to recover from the weekend. As much as I love going out with the girls, sometimes getting, "girl-drink-drunk," it's not always the best plan for me. However, true to superhero form, I was able to be witty and charming as I battled my arch-enemy...gravity, while drinking my favorite black wrath, as if they were never going to make it again.

Work on Saturday was a mild annoyance. Even though there was not much hullabaloo on J-Unit, the fact I was not able to be home, on my porch, reading a book and sleeping of the remainders of a hangover, made me somewhat perturbed. Then again there are worse things in life. I was actually able to get out of work almost on time, which was great because, this guy needed to crash and burn like no other.

Saturday night I watched a very gritty but good documentary called, "Dark Days." It wasn't exactly the feel good film of the year but it does give a great look into the staggering problems of poverty, drug abuse and homelessness in NYC. There really is not too much to say about this film without giving everything away. If you are into documentaries or just things to raise your social consciousness, it will be up your alley. However, I do need to mention the audio levels were somewhat low in part, making things tough to hear. Visually, Dark Days is well...dark, but then again you are living underground.

Yesterday I spent snoozing in and out of consciousness. I was awake just long enough to get the garbage out and then more sleep. I think my body is trying to fight off the impending doom of infection which seems to encircle me every time I go to work. The coughs and hacks of co-workers and inmates alike is enough to make Julia Child roll in her grave. Now on the final day of my weekend, I have to go into work for a stupid unit meeting.

How much fun is that? I tell you, nothing but savages in this town.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Babylon...

Tonight I was jolted by a thought, maybe even a memory. You always have to be wary of the shuffle feature on whatever your music player of choice may be. If you are not careful, it might just throw you that third strike, curve ball you were sure you were going to take...downtown. While engaged in the many pursuit of purchasing hygiene products from the body shop, (screw you, I like to smell nicey) Dar William's, "If I wrote you" came up. I have heard this song a dozen or so times over the past few months, it must have been on as background music, or maybe I was engaged in writing or whatever, but I don't think I actually heard the song.

Tonight...I heard the song. It was a kin to something like a sucker punch. It brought back memories of college, more specifically of Heidi, the one who got away. Why Heidi got away is debatable, but for now I am choosing to place the blame on myself and fear. Fuck fear. For what it's worth, Heidi was one of the few people who I could honestly be me with. I'm sure I've crafted many a tale of lament about Heidi in previous posts, so if there is anything anyone wants to know, email me, otherwise I will try to put this one to bed. What is most ironic about tonight, the song title, my memories of Heidi and about a million other things, is we used to email all the time. The messages were something I'm sure we both checked our inboxes frequently for. I know I did.

After we last saw each other, after my heart was broken and after the last of my money had been spent on a fucking bus ticket, there were no more emails. There were no more phone calls, no more care packages, nothing. Maybe a better way to look at it would be to say, "there were no more lies." Heidi told me she had never said certain things to me because she was thinking about my feelings (and deep down inside I honestly believe that.) So tonight when Ms. Williams asked if she wrote the object of her affection, the breaker of her heart, the recipient of her letter, and answered her own question with, "you will not write me again" I started doing what I do best and deconstructing any defense I might have developed in regard to this matter.

The, "what-ifs" and "just one emails" bandied about in my head and in the end I said, "fuck it." Nothing good would come of it. I would write, she would respond and tell me how fucking great her married life is even though it's everything she told me she never wanted. I would fake happiness for her and maybe the emails would continue for a few weeks, but in the end what would I have accomplished beyond opening wounds I have done a good job of healing?

Even more funny, and I think, "the fates" have it out for me tonight, I wrote this post whilst listening to David Gray, the concert I went to at Madison Square Garden. The concert I emptied out my bank account for to buy tickets for both Heidi and I. The concert I attended alone, cause someone couldn't get out of work. Mr. Gray helped me through a rough time before and has done so again. For that I'm grateful. Slainte, Mr. Gray!!!

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Haiku Monday..."Tribute to Rude"

diabetes means
spending your day in numbers
always hated math

Days go by...

I've never called myself a quitter, unless we talk about the time I took ice skating lessons early on in my life. Someone
just should have told me that was a bad idea and left it at that. The reason I mention quitting is, today I was expected to
be at work, and while I did not quit my job, I did call out sick. I mean every now and again, I think we all can say we need
a mental health day and to be perfectly honest, I was due. Things around the local grind have been fairly hectic and as I
have been the defacto boss, as my boss and my bosses boss have been on vacation or choosing to not come to work,
yours truly decided to take a long weekend.

In other news...

I would like to extend belated congrats to some of my favorite Minnesotans, Mary and Kevin H. Newly proud parents to
a health baby boy, I wish their family and friends all the best.

Moving right along...

Weather hasn't totally sucked as much this week. It's still cold but it did actually get warm enough for the second ice
age that surrounded my house to all but disappear. This is good as there are new gutters being put on. I watched the
special edition of Boondock Saints this week. Even if it was not the special edition, that film will always be special to
me. Sean Patrick Flanery is just a great actor. When you sit there and know you know someone from another film
but just cant place it, but they are not wearing any outlandish makeup or costuming, thats some good acting.

I have been experiencing somewhat of a drought of good tunes. Anyone listening to anything good? Anyone have
any suggestions for this jackass?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Dispatches from home...

I originally started crafting this post about 20 hours ago. However, due to fucking technical difficulties, I had to stop.
In case you were wondering, no one in the state of rhode island has rock salt. I even set foot into the wal*mart, I was
fired from a decade ago, in hopes of finding something to melt the layer of ice, literally covering ever square inch of my humble abode.

No dice. I did however see several people who I worked with while I was still employed by wal*mart. I hate to be the naysayer but it seems to me none of these people have any aspirations for themselves if they are still there. Even with
the profit sharing, vesting and stock options, it's not like these people are going to be able to retire on what they are making. Now maybe I am being hasty and they are there because retirement plans have already been made, and they are just making extra money to blow at Foxwoods, Mohegan Sun or *gasp* Lincoln Park.

I received a call and email from my Citrus Queen this weekend. She wanted to check in with me and see how the week end was going, since the rest of the week was not all that stellar. CQ informed me a mutual friend and my collegiate roommate, was looking for someone to share an apartment in May. Normally I would jump at the chance to be reunited with DG but I have my health and student loans to consider. Once again, I can bend over and smile. Plus to be honest,the thought of moving to, "the windy city" when all I really want is to move south, seems kind of counter productive.

Still, hooking up with DG again would be interesting.

Anyone know of a good, licensed massage therapist in RI or surrounding MA? My neck and shoulders are turning into something akin to titanium and I'm not sure what to do about it. All I know is the pain is starting to get to me. *Yawn*
I guess it's time for a little more reading before bed.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

A Little's Enough...

When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light
It's like the best dream to have
Where every thing is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home to say

I, I can do anything
If you want me here
And I can fix any thing
If you let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I'd whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself

Green trees were the first sign
The deepest blue, the clearest sky
The silence came with the brightest eyes
And turned water into wine
The children ran to see
The parents stood in disbelief
And those who knew braced for the ride
The earth itself then came alive to say

I, I can do anything
If you want me here
And I can fix anything
If you let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself

I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone; I've noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough

(Just a little...)

Nothing but Savages...

I'm sitting and typing and not really sure where I'm going with any of this. Most of me wants to scream until my vocal
chords are caked with dried blood. It has been a Monday. One of those Mondays that makes you want to crawl back
into bed and pull the covers over your head. A Monday that makes you want to fall back asleep and never wake up.

As of late things had seemed to be improving: no more depression meds, sleep habits more regular and life in general
just seemed semi-normal. I was pushing myself to move beyond my comfort zones. I was taking risks, whether or not
I thought they were going to pay off. I was actually starting to *gasp* enjoy myself.

Normally, when the hammer drops, I can sense it coming. Today it came special delivery...in the form of a fucking
car accident. A mere year and a half after my last accident, again I got hit coming out of my driveway. I love how
it is soley my responsibility to make sure there was no traffic coming. I did that. No one gave a citation to the
motherfucker who parked thier fucking jeep, half on the sidewalk-half on the street. No one asked if the driver of the
other vehicle was speeding. No one asked if anyone but me was at fault.

Gratefully, no one was hurt and damage to my car is minor. Of course I had to hit a BMW 325i, fresh from the body
shop, with an insurance agent as a passenger. People have been telling me all day, it was an accident and while I
agree, that doesn't make it suck any less, nor my insurance any cheaper. I can't afford collision now, so with this little
opportunity, it is most definetely out of my price range.

In other news...

The co-worker, who is no longer a co-worker, who I asked on a date, has either been to busy to return my call or was
just placating my offer and never had any intentions of meeting me for brunch, coffee, or several stiff drinks and a
meaningless make out session. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to make a last ditch effort to connect with
her. I mean I know how busy life can get when changing jobs, but part of me feels as though I should have gleened
some message in txt message and call not returned.

Does anyone know where the well-read, single women hang out?

Up until about 2 O'Clock today I was considering an ibook. As my car made impact with the beamer, I watched the
ibook fly away on wings of insurance paper work. All things considered I'm doing ok with this latest monkey wrench
in my works. I'm on the brink of financial ruin and to be honest the only way I can see to solve the problem is to have
two of my "almost grown" male friends move in with me. I'm approaching 35 and yet, my life still resembles that of a
shitty Vince Vaughn / Luke Wilson film.

What makes matters worse is when you realize you're fundamentally a great person and yet you watch everything
crumble around you. It's enough to make someone ponder the sense of walking the path of the righteous man.

With any luck, Tom DeLonge and Angels & Airwaves will calm me enough to sleep. Back to the salt mine tomorrow.
What a great fucking weekend.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

You know...

One thing I've noticed...

I don't get the hits I once used to. I understand why. I mean it's simple really, this guy doesn't blog like he used to. This
guy doesn't do a lot of things like he used to but if empty promises are at all reassuring, this guy is going to try and blog
more or regularly

or

maybe more regularly, which may require several cups of coffee and some delicious bran muffins, of which I'm not allowed.


However, that is another story entirely.

I suppose I could bolster my hits by begging people to read my blog via myspace. Maybe a mass email to all of my
friends would help as well. I'm sure the inclusion of the phrases, "Free Ring Tones" or "Girls Who Hate Cock" would also
do the trick, alas I have never been one for smoke and mirrors.

As for me...

Things are good. The one you want never calls you back. Work, student loans and death are all inevitable parts of life.
Responsible drinking is a good thing, especially if you have a tendancy to drunk dial, (as I do.) More salad and less
burritos make less jackassjimmy, which is also a good thing. Time to read and catch up on some zzzZZZZ's.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Brrrrrr......!

I'm not a plumber, nor do I play one on tv. However, I was able to relight the pilot on my stove today. This is a great
and wondrous thing as it's colder than an eskimo's asshole today. I can only imaging it getting colder tonight and by
relighting the stove, at least I know the pipes in the house won't freeze. At any rate...

Winter: 265, 217

JackassJimmy: 2

TGIAF! Here in my world, today is thursday. While the rest of "normal" society celebrates the end of the work week, I
have one more day to go. Do I get mad? Does this aggrevate me? Not normally, because of having to work on Saturday,
I never, ever have a case of, "the mondays." There are more than a few perks to not working in corporate america.

Went out with bscrazy after work today. We grabbed coffee and then went to music magik. I bought her the Clumbsy,
by Our Lady Peace. I think if you are a fan of good, rock music, not the shit on the radio now, Clumbsy is definetly a
disc you need to own. I also picked up TSAR's self titled debut. While it's not as edgy as Band Girls Money, it's catchy
and is helping to fuel this post. I'm thinking about going to target and staples tonight to pick up the rest of the ink I need
to get my fucking printer to work. I also want to buy another floor lamp. In doing so, I will be able to sit in the WARM
basement and read.

Sunday I'm going to ask a coworker out for coffee. This is not someone I work with on a regular basis and it's someone
with whom I will never work again. Her last day is Sunday and it's fourth and 3 and I'm Tom "motherfuckin" Brady. Never
let em' see you sweat. In addition to that conquest, there has been some serious flirting going on at work. I guess it's just
the nature of the beast. I have to admit, sometimes it makes it difficult to keep my head in the game but, if nothing else,
it keeps you on your toes.

I'm torn between cooking and reading tonight. Either way, there is going to be some shopping to be done. If I cook, I want
to wait so that I can subject bscrazy to my culinary prowess, even if she is very, very wary. I hate driving on Friday night
to go shopping. Too many assholes, too much traffic, too much nonsense.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

How About Them Apples...

Dear Epson and the people who write the software for the Epson brand printers.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have been a loyal customer for some time. I have backed the Epson brand and recommended it to friends and colleagues alike. Recently I have become frustrated with the labeling of your ink cartridges. As I am probably one of the most cynical people I know, I find it some what of a coincidence that the refills for the C68 printer and the C86 printer are placed remarkably close together. What am I getting at? Well after spending close to $70 at Staples on replacement ink, I came home, unwrapped and installed my new cartridges, only to find I was shit out of luck because, I had bought the C68 refills and not the C86.

So what is a guy on a budget to do? Well since the cartridges all fit into place, I was remotely optimistic they might work. What a fool I was! What type of evil corporate and technological sorcery have you people bewitched your products with that if an honest mistake is made, one cannot come back from the void?!?!? Are you so heartless as to give everyone the finger? What about all of the hardworking, blue-collar Americans, who purchase your products because they are both economical and reliable? Are we to assume that once you have our money, we are just dollar signs and decimal points to you? I would hope not but my cynicism leads me to believe otherwise.

So tonight, I ventured back to my local Staples to pick up a single, black ink cartridge. One that would let me print out important documents for: tax purposes, medical records and shopping lists; you know everyday kinds of things. Upon returning home I installed my new Epson brand cartridge and voila, guess what? My printer still will not fucking print! Why is this? Hmmm, let me go to your website and see what the great minds have in store for me. Looking through the FAQ's it seems once again I get to bend over and be railed by corporate cock. My fucking printer will not print, unless I have all cartridges installed, and they all have to have ink. So basically, whenever I need to buy ink for this marvel of technology, it's going to cost me the cost of the printer.

I will admit, I did try to be crafty and save myself some cash, as I am on a budget. I bought one of those generic refills, you know the ones that are almost half the price of your refills. Yeah, seems as though you don't want to let those work either. I have to confess I am somewhat angered by all of the chicanery I have encountered these past few days. While I think you make excellent products, your business practices leave something to be desired and in all honesty, I wish you all would lick me where I shit.

I, like a million other people, as well as yourselves, am busy and don't have time for the nonsense and ballyhoo of running around trying to find the square peg that will fit in the round hole. It would behoove your company to clearly label refills and be a little less tight-assed with all of these "cartridge cannot be recognized" messages. These are the kinds of things that make me want to throw your fucking printer out the fucking window and go and take food out of my children's mouths, so I can buy an HP printer.

I expect to see changes made, effective immediately, otherwise I hope you are all sodomized by a tribe of Alabama Hellbillies. Were it not for the relaxing music I have on now, I might have had the gumption to do the job myself.

Fuck You Very Much,
JJ

You know...

It was a good day. A long day, but a good one. Normally I like to sleep a little longer on my day off but, today
there were just things I had to do. Doctor's appointments to keep, phone calls to make and even though I feel
not to bad about it, I blew off the unit meeting at work. Fuck that shit. I'm there five days a week and it's not like
I'm going to get over time for the meeting, so why should I go in on my day off? Exactly...

The doctors was good, scary but good. Now is time to own up for all of the bullshit I have done in the past ten
years. Hey, you don't take care of yourself, the only person you can blame is yourself. Does that make it suck
any less? Of course not, but at least I know who to point the finger at.

Started writing workshop at the LC tonight. I think it went really well. Varying degrees of experience and ego and
overall a good mix. It may be to early to tell but I think I may want to continue on with the teacher. After one class,
she was able to get me to do what no one teacher has been able to make clear to me. Writing honestly, though it is
hard work, gave me a sense of accomplishment greater than the uneasiness I felt baring my secrets to strangers in
a four-walled workshop.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Check under the bed...

When it rains, it pours and this old man is in need of some snoring...among other things.

Could not fall asleep for the life of me last night. Lots of intrusive thoughts: injury, motor accidents, monsters in the house. What's odd is that it truly is the monsters in the house that gets me all fired up. I mean, you and I know there are no monsters, but trying telling that to my subconscious, who as of late, has been a complete bastard.

Saturday was 60 degrees and I was sweating wearing jeans to work. Today it was cold as fuck and at times, I wish I brought my winter coat. It would be nice if Winter would be consistent but I am not going to complain about the warm, warm temperatures for January.

Went to China Buffet tonight. *bangs head on desk* Why do I do these things to myself? It was not dreadful but it was not good either. Last time I force myself through a meal like this, I was living in London and happened upon a Chinese buffet, Yee Tung. Apparently the buffet was really buckets of curried onions and unless you ordered a liquor drink or a cola, you could not have a glass. To be honest, I was looking around for the community water bucket by the end of the meal. Yes, so dinner was not the best tonight and I have since become a gastronomical disaster since then. I'm going to go and take some emergen-c before bed. It cures hangovers and heart disease and this horrid flu going around, why shouldn't it be able to wash this horrid peanut oil fury out of me?

Tomorrow I'm going to start to carry my digi-camera with me. I'm going to document my life (or at least try to) for a year. I may only last a month or even a day but it's something to do besides obsess about the negative.

Work has been busy and I am up for a promotion. No reason I should not get it, as I am the senior most operative on the unit, save for my supervisor. It's a little more pocket money, very little but at least it's better than nothing. Myspace has again put me in contact with some old friends. I can see how people hate it. I mean there is a very real evil to it but with everything. All in moderation. Time to change the wash over.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

A Quick Note...

before bed.

I don't know where "the red" is coming from but it's coming and more importantly, I'm not so sure I know how to stop it.
It may have something to do with the fact I had to go to a meeting, at work, on my day off. There is also the writing class
I signed up for that meets twice, to the tune of $75. I know that's not a lot of money to most people, but when you put your
body on the line, everyday like I do, $75 can seem like a kings ransom. *sigh* Maybe it's time to look for another job. It's
not like I haven't put my time in. Two and a half years in a month or so and gratefully only one major injury and some minor
bumps and bruises. I just wish I could find something where I was remotely happy and didn't have to suck any type of
corporate or soul-sucking cock. Aye...there's the rub now, isn't it?

Hung out with el capitan and bscrazy after work today. Was supposed to go and join Bally's with bscrazy but I don't have
the $$$ and FUCK BALLY'S. They don't want me to be healthy, they want to sell me shit. If nothing else, the treadmill in
the basement is reminder enough I have what I need to work out. I really don't need to work with weights yet. I mean
eventually it would be nice, but I'd like to drop a few more lbs before that happens.

I think I am attracted to that which is not good for me. We know this is the case with food but with women, I am finding it
harder and harder to stay away from people who are either just bad news in general or who in the long run, will absolutely
crush me in some way. bscrazy might just be the later of those two. Smart, funny, independent, attractive, (-)smoker
and a co-worker but yet, possesses something making me want to be less of a loner Dottie, less of a rebel.

Maybe in all actuality, it's more of a rebel. We hang out and I yearn for cool shoes and cool tattoos, however, these could
also be the ramblings of a scene-king, whose reign came to an end about eleventy billion years ago.

And with that, I'm off to bed.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

So this is...

the new year.

I used to think I knew what was going on, then I listened to William Shatner's latest recording, "Has Been."
Clearly the world is coming to an end. With such big names as Ben Folds, Brad Paisley, Andrian Belew and
Henry Rollins, you'd think liking this disc would be easy. You'd think...

But its not.

Nope. It has all the herky-jerky vibe of that late 60's spoken word, bongojamzilla that probably made Shatner think
he was something more than James T. Kirk. SURVEY SAYS!!!! XXX

Anywho, work has been busy, busy, busy. If nothing else it helped the holidays pass by. The older I get, the more
I seem to resent things most take joy in. This is probably due to the industries I work in. Come to think of it, retail can
ruin Christmas for anyone. Even though I have been out of that racket for awhile, all the hustle and bustle of the holiday
season usually make me want to take a hostage.

Anyone get anything good for the holiday? I got a case of diet dr. pepper and an erection, so it was a banner year at the
Jackass residence.

My musical recommendations as of late are as follows:

Vince Guaraldi: A Charlie Brown Christmas. Shut up...this one puts even me in a good mood.

Breaking Benjamin: Phobia. Third release. Very, very polished but songs are still good and I just dig these guys.

Thirty Seconds to Mars: A Beautiful Lie. The more I listen to these guys, the less I hope Jared Leto continues acting.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season. I recommend Emergen-c for hangovers and any and all ailments.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Slow down Charlie Brown...

You know, it wasn't so long ago that about this time of year, people were in a much better mood. I remember holiday
seasons from my childhood and even into my early teens, where there was definately more peace on Earth and goodwill
towards all people...not just men. What I want to know is, when the fuck did we all become so fucking miserable?

I mean I know today's society is not what we grew up in and although we have to live in it, we don't have to regress to the
base-level behaviors of those who struggle with the concepts of being able to function in a normal society. Take a look around
as you are out trying to find "that perfect gift, for that special someone." People look as though they would rather be at hard
labor than out shopping. Why? What has changed? Depending upon who you ask, your answer will greatly vary.

Some will say that people have left the Christ out of Christmas and there may be some validity to this, however, Christ only
plays a part in the holdiay season for christians. Those not of the faith or those of other believing whatever it is we
believe, what is are excuse for inexcusable and brutish behavior? I will be the first person to admitt I am not without fault.
The many years I worked in retail have jaded me to the holiday seasons. Not only does retail allow you to see the worst in
people, but it forces you to deal with it, sometimes for not much more than minimum wage. Where is the justice?

I can't tell you how many Black Fridays I spent in the hands of rich and poor alike, being tortured mercilessly because
the retail gods had yet again failed, "Mr.&Mrs. John Q. Customer." So there is frustration and we all know we need to vent that
frustration somewhere, otherwise we get nasty things like cancer or heart disease. But, is it really the fault of the 17 year-old behind
the counter at Target, that everyone on the planet wants a Playstation 3 and that Sony only shipped 36 (gross under-exaggeration)
of them to the U.S.? No, it's not and those people who sell those same 36 PS3's on ebay for $20k are going to burn in hell.
And so I wrote it and so it shall be done!

We are living in a day and age where the cost of living is taking to great a toll on our own lives. We struggle to push ourselves through
marathon shifts at work, to make more money, to buy more things for ourselves or others, to entertain us in the few hours we are not at
work or school. No one spends time together anymore and the economy is largely to blame for this, but if you stop and think for a second,
is it really the things you get for the holidays that are important to you? Personally, I can't remember when I received a present that meant
more to me than family. I know it sounds cliche but to be honest, I was so sick as a young child, just being able to sit and have a meal with
family and tell stories and laugh...that's why the holidays, more specifically Christmas were special to me.

I know the nuclear family is a thing of the past, but if there is not a family, hopefully there are friends and if not friends, hopefully you can
find it in your heart to invite someone over for a meal and some company. People are so glad when the holidays are over because there
is no more racing around buying shit. Think about how much more relaxed we would all be if we just spend more time stoping and listening
to one another. At any rate, it would keep me from wanting to drive to work with a high caliber hand gun on the passenger seat.

I hope you all are well and wish you very happy and healthy holiday seasons!

Cheers,
JJ

Moonshine Monday...

Ok...

Were gonna open this bitch up as if I haven't not posted since we invaded the rest of the world.

I'd love to say I've been busy beating the women off with a stick
or just busy with the women
hell, I'd like to say I've just been busy beatin' off...

but none of that would be true.

Work has been consuming the majority of my time and energy and when those to things are not
sucking on me like a bus station hooker, I can usually be found reading, playing video games or
wasting mind-boggling amounts of time on the internet. (Oddly enough...not updating this blog)

However in addition to all of this frivolous time wastage, there has been some introspection and
after thought. When it all comes down to it, the answer I have been looking for is simple.

I have to leave Rhode Island.

Plain and simple.

While I do love it here, realistically, I'm never going to be more than a wage slave here. Now, I may
move to another state and still be a wage slave, but I will be building equity in a place that I don't
hate living in. I place that is possible to heat in the winter and maybe, just maybe a place that
will afford me the room for an in-ground pool and greenhouse.

Am I asking too much? I don't think so. I mean fresh fruit and veggies and the ability to puddle
around in the pool in the summer, are these lofty goals? Should they require the same work as
amassing a king's ransom or winning the McDongle's version of monopoly? I think not.

So... in short, this Red Sox lovin' yankee is heading south of the mason dixon...hopefully sooner
rather than later.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Early AM rambling...

Working nights has really messed with my sleep schedule. Being someone who is used to being
up for 6:00 AM or 0:dark-thirty, as it's known in these parts, working 3-11pm is somewhat of a major
pain in the ass. The working part is not bad, boring but not bad. However, either sleeping until work,
or waking up and waiting to go to work is for the birds.

I've been reading a little. I am about 30 minutes away from finishing the second installment of The Odd
Thomas story, Forever Odd, by Dean Koontz. I know...I know...brain candy but I love Dean and he is one
of the few writers who I can pretty much count on to not disappoint. Ice Bound, is another story, but it was
early on in his career, and let's be honest, who hasn't stumbled out of the gate a few times.

I've also jumped into, My Life, by William Jefferson Clinton. Yeah, now that it's out in paperback and now
that I have no social life, there seems no better time than the present. I am about four or five chapters in
and I have to admit I am surprised at how well Wild Bill paints pictures of his childhood. I don't feel I have
read enough to give more of a critique than that but to be honest, I still think Bill is a good man, and one
I would have no qualms about being proud to call my president.

In other news...

My computer is beyond effed up again. Apparently the trouble this time is my own doing. I guess I just
wanted things to work and as we all know, I can't have nice things. So, if I come into some money, I will
pay more $$$ on my student loans. If I come into some more money, than more $$$ will go into my online
savings account. And if by chance I hit the lottery, well then I will just by a mac powerbook and forget all of
this windows tomfoolery.

I made another awesome vegan chili. Mostlikely I will drop some off to my dad later on today. Mom has never
been a fan of chili, mexican or indian food so as far as my vegan cooking goes, for the most part she might be
SOL.

Please feel free to drop off any recommendations for books, cds, or movies. I'm always up for those.
Anything else you might want to say is very welcome too.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Good God, NO!

I've been working a lot of nights, which in addition to the damage it has done to my sleep schedule, has also put a little
bit of a hole in my social life, or lack thereof. However, friday night I managed to make it out to the local beereteria for a
drink or two with the buddies. The one thing I learned friday is this: If you are fortunate to be with someone you like, maybe
even love...hold onto them for dear life. I ran into some people I don't even like to associate with at work. I don't know, for me,
spending time with women who get into fistfights with men for the fun of it.....yeah, I'm all set.

So after I pulled the old, "I have to take a shit, I'll be right back..." and moved two feet to the left, the almost fun started again.
A few jokes were told and some football was watched and then it happened. I ran into girls I knew in GRADE SCHOOL.
At this point, I am cursing my luck and scanning the bar for the Candid Camera cameras, the real world crew or even Satan himself.
There were conversations about the hell we all endured, what a raging bitch my mom was in the classroom (and to be fair, in the classrooom,
mom took absolute zero shit) and how even the boy in the wheelchair dissed them. Then we talked about the school bus and how kids threw
gum in their hair and spit on them. While I don't wish anyone any pain. At some point you have to let that shit go, or it owns you.
I'm not only the emo club president, I'm also a client.

So...they finished their drinks just as the ugly lights came on (Cue: Semisonic's Closing Time) We walked out and I think I dodged what
would have been the yuckiest three-some in history. For whatever reason, a burrito and classical music seemed like a better option than
a night filled with the kind of sex that's filled with wailing and sobbing and a ton of bodily fluids no one wants to clean up. Yeah, I know,
I'm a jackhole for turning down a three-some and no other man on the planet has ever done that. Things in life have to feel right for this
jackass and to be honest, that was not even close to right. I'm a good guy and as long as I keep that status, I think I can avoid the flames
my tongue sometimes gets me into.

At any rate, I am working again tonight and more importantly missing the Pats/Colts game. I hope your weekend went better than mine.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Yakkity-Yak...

A Belated Happy Birthday to Surly Monkey

Tonight was all kinds of fuckered up. I had to work until 5pm. This in itself is blasphemy but I can't say I minded strolling into work
well rested and showered today.

However, the fact that I had to work late really seemed to throw off my nightly routine. You see when I got home, I had the best
intentions of cooking dinner. I did't know what I was going to cook, but it was going to be something. After dinner, there would
be the mandatory post-meal cleaning and then I was going to try and go cover to cover with Forever Odd. A book I have been waiting
about six months to read because, I am too cheap to buy the hardcover and DK thought it would be funny to push the release date
back till Halloween. Great move, I'm sure the book is going to be waaaaaaaaaay scarier with a Halloween release.

whatever...

So that was the plan. And then I got home, and:

checked the gmail
txt msgd a cowrkr
ate a cookie...needed like an asshole on my elbow
got sleepy, due to the fact the likes to quit early.

So, instead of the aforementioned plan, I:

skipped cooking dinner and wanted to order pizza
took a nappy nap
talked on the phone for a couple of hour with cowrkr
laid out a ton of emotional shit
felt a residual bout of depression coming on and said FUCK THAT
wanted veggie dogs from Spike's
missed that deadline as well
had coffee with W
listened to his story of the breakup and how he will never be emotional again
went to store and picked up some tofu pups
came home and cooked
ate dinner around 12:15am
reading blogs, and listening to B-folds
tofu pups are pretty good
for fake hot dogs
cause in reality,
they are just trying to mimick lips and assholes

work comes early.

I hope you all are well

cheers,
JJ

kc jonzin'...

See the problem with young girls is...

that they are too young to know any better and well...
I'm just to fuckin' old to care at this point in my life.

Last night, I went to the Halloween party of a co-worker and I was not expecting to have a good time.
However, the fact people went to the limit with their costumes, helped to lift my mood and help keep
the party from being a fucking dud.

Dressed as a lumberjack, my intentions were anything but jacking my lumber at the end of the night.

Cause, the only blonde I can deal with was there, roommate to the co-worker.
The target of my erection, er...uh, I mean the object of my affection.
and as usual there was conversation and chatter, me wishing to be the only batter (in her box)
and though we get along like peas and carrots, her roomies think I'm better suited with girls in hairnets
even after explaining at length that blondie can't shatter this heart of glass cause it comes broke...as is.

I asked if her man was riding the rails, or cleanin' the tracks or whatever the fuck he does for choo-choo charley
she looked sad let me know that Thundar the barbarian was in....... Connecticutt
and
if you know anything about
me or RI
you know
I can stand on my front stairs....
and piss into CT

She stares into my eyes and I try not to notice her noticing me notice
she is bothered by boy-friend abscence
but like the French I crumbled like a house of cards in a windstorm
whipped like a trick by the migh-t German...jaegermeister
with whom I'm no longer friends
and
no amount of
miller light
glasses of water
games of beer pong
or handfuls of candy corn
can stop my verbal diahrrea

talking all sorts of candy coated nastiness
promises not threats
to be the guy in presence
as well as in name
rather than putting the trash on the rails before his
true
cause what the fuck is that about
I know we all do what we gotta do
but come now junior
make the paper
without leaving baby in the corner

and despite what roomies say
shes a good person
staying true to her man
who
leaves her alone
like the fat kid at the dance
like single, single moms
like Jesus done by judas

and no amount of txt messages
back rubs
or stolen kisses while
dancing
leaving the house
or wondering why she loves the Hee-Haw
can make it better
so the bandaids have to cover the holes
of emotional hand grenades
I don't have the strength to dive on

There has been...

some nefarious shit going on lately. To the motherfucker who hacked my computer and destroyed my registry...I hope you live long enough to own a 1000 roomed hotel, and be found dead in every one of them.

Thanks for permanantly erasing some of the happiest memories of my life.

Fucking bitch.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Quick note before...

bed. No, I am not dead. I have been here all along and just have not had much to say. I really haven't had to much to complain about other than the mas exodus of fellow employees at work. I am now second in command which, can either be a good or bad thing depending on how one looks at it.

Life with the i-pod is good. Walking to work is good. I'm moving at a snails pace but I think slowly but surely, I am getting my life back on track.

Other developments:
"Welcoming Home the Astronauts" by Flickerstick continues to rock my world.
I have switched to a vegan diet for health and moral reasons. I feel pretty good and I'm going to try and stick this one out.

Words of thanks to Rude Cactus for the crossed fingers.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Can Someone Tell...

me how people like: JFK, MLK & Gandhi get assassinated and yet this hate-mongering cunt is allowed to live?!

Check out the busblog.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Extreme...

I'm defrosting chicken and going to staples. More on my fun-filled life later.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

321...

Paid for three burritos (got two), saw two movies, got one haircut.

Trying to put the breaks on life is like trying to get a good meal at Applebee’s, it just can’t fucking be done. Anytime it seems as though I have any idea as to what is going on in my life, the hands on the clock spin faster than a top, fueled by an eight-year-old with ADHD, on methamphetamine. Lots of irons in the fire right now. Trying to get a new job, trying to get a new business off the ground and most importantly, trying to keep myself sane. You would think sanity would be the easiest of those goals, but when it all comes down to it, sanity…you elude me like Charley Bucket’s golden ticket.

Ok, so maybe that wasn’t the best comparison as Charley did find his golden ticket…eventually. Hopefully eventually, I will find mine as well. Until then I guess I will have to keep reading, seeing movies and typing out the thoughts which may or may not keep me up at night. This week, I saw both Clerks II and Lady in the Water. Unless you are a die-hard Kevin Smith fan, I would opt for LitW first. Clerks II was funny, very funny at some points, but I just felt more satisfied after I came out of M. Night Shyamalan’s latest work.

If anyone has recommendations for books to read or stuff to watch / listen to, I am currently taking suggestions.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Someone's Gotta Do it...

The thing that hurts the most is having to take several hours to shake the cobwebs out in the morning. It could also be that other thing, the fundamental lack of respect, that hurts the second most. Anyone see where I’m going here? Anyone…Mr. McDonald? *tap tap* Is this thing on?

It’s quickly approaching 1pm here and as predicted, it’s hot as balls. This AM after I woke up and then woke up, I went in search of bug death. I normally cringe during any foray into the belly of the beast. The hell that is Home Depot. My one consolation was that I knew what I was looking for, (bug death & lightbulbs) and I was not going to require getting all tangled with some moron trying to sell me a riding lawn mower, “so I could suck the bugs up.” Yes, $1,500.00 is much better than $8. In and out, five minutes tops. It was great. No bs, no nonsense, no hassle. I checked myself out and was on my way.

As with any trip into the holy land of retail, I had to keep coaching myself to not make any unscheduled stops. No Target, Barnes & Noble or EB Games. “But Jackass, you have a B&N gift card. Why not indulge?” Yes, yes I do. I have two in fact, but I also have a sizeable pile of things to read at home and why create more clutter for myself? Library yo, LIBRARY!!!

I left retail hell and went to deposit my check from work. By that point it was almost 12:30 and I had to consume more than the mouthful of H2O I needed to take my pills this morning. I stopped in to a favorite old café, Café Such a Bagel. One low-carb spinach and garlic bagel and a decaf iced coffee later, I was back in the f-1 and on my way. I used to try and lie to myself. I told myself that decaf was just as tasty as the real thing. I am now going to publicly admit, that this is a falsehood. Decaf sucks, almost as much as Courtney Love.

This afternoon I am going on bug reconnaissance and then there will be some more reading, drinking of water and possibly some video games. I’m not sure what’s going on, I might not be able to fit all of that in.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Tonight I got...

reacquainted with reading. It’s been a while. So today, after work, dinner and a brisk walk, I sat down and for the most part read Chuck Klosterman’s, “Killing Yourself to Live” cover to cover. It’s not a life changing book but since reading, “Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs” I wanted to see what else was available. KYtL was like having many long, long conversations with someone, while pulling bong rips of really good dope. You knew you were enjoying the conversation, but you were never really sure where it was going or what the hell was being said at any given time.

This is not to say I didn’t enjoy the book, I did. I think Chuck’s portrayal of West Warwick, RI and the great white incident are (for lack of a better term) dead on. It left me feeling justified in thinking no matter how many fucking charity shows great white plays, Jack Russle is still an asshole. You made enough money to tour year round for free off of, “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” why not kick some of that loot to the families of the deceased?

Klosterman’s books are largely walks down his own memory lane. I’m not sure why but I find the fact he can intertwine his life with pop culture and society intriguing. If I didn’t, there really would be nothing else to draw me to his writing. His seemingly never-ending, treasure trove of yarns involving getting drunk, denied by the unreturned love of the week, all while ripping on hipster assholes who dig cocaine and the latest Interpol record, remind me why I have always thought of SPIN as a pretentious / bullshit music magazine. All things music being subjective, ripping Interpol but deifying everything Jack White does, just does not compute in my universe.

What the fuck am I saying? Did I like it, did I hate it? I’m looking it this evening as one where I was able to forget about my television for awhile. I was able to not be mired in the fact I would love to be watching the history or food channel but that I lack the necessary income to afford these “premium” channels. I was able to not spend the night implementing my television in my video game geekery. I was able to spend the night feeding my head…and that’s ok too.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ