Slow down Charlie Brown...

You know, it wasn't so long ago that about this time of year, people were in a much better mood. I remember holiday
seasons from my childhood and even into my early teens, where there was definately more peace on Earth and goodwill
towards all people...not just men. What I want to know is, when the fuck did we all become so fucking miserable?

I mean I know today's society is not what we grew up in and although we have to live in it, we don't have to regress to the
base-level behaviors of those who struggle with the concepts of being able to function in a normal society. Take a look around
as you are out trying to find "that perfect gift, for that special someone." People look as though they would rather be at hard
labor than out shopping. Why? What has changed? Depending upon who you ask, your answer will greatly vary.

Some will say that people have left the Christ out of Christmas and there may be some validity to this, however, Christ only
plays a part in the holdiay season for christians. Those not of the faith or those of other believing whatever it is we
believe, what is are excuse for inexcusable and brutish behavior? I will be the first person to admitt I am not without fault.
The many years I worked in retail have jaded me to the holiday seasons. Not only does retail allow you to see the worst in
people, but it forces you to deal with it, sometimes for not much more than minimum wage. Where is the justice?

I can't tell you how many Black Fridays I spent in the hands of rich and poor alike, being tortured mercilessly because
the retail gods had yet again failed, "Mr.&Mrs. John Q. Customer." So there is frustration and we all know we need to vent that
frustration somewhere, otherwise we get nasty things like cancer or heart disease. But, is it really the fault of the 17 year-old behind
the counter at Target, that everyone on the planet wants a Playstation 3 and that Sony only shipped 36 (gross under-exaggeration)
of them to the U.S.? No, it's not and those people who sell those same 36 PS3's on ebay for $20k are going to burn in hell.
And so I wrote it and so it shall be done!

We are living in a day and age where the cost of living is taking to great a toll on our own lives. We struggle to push ourselves through
marathon shifts at work, to make more money, to buy more things for ourselves or others, to entertain us in the few hours we are not at
work or school. No one spends time together anymore and the economy is largely to blame for this, but if you stop and think for a second,
is it really the things you get for the holidays that are important to you? Personally, I can't remember when I received a present that meant
more to me than family. I know it sounds cliche but to be honest, I was so sick as a young child, just being able to sit and have a meal with
family and tell stories and laugh...that's why the holidays, more specifically Christmas were special to me.

I know the nuclear family is a thing of the past, but if there is not a family, hopefully there are friends and if not friends, hopefully you can
find it in your heart to invite someone over for a meal and some company. People are so glad when the holidays are over because there
is no more racing around buying shit. Think about how much more relaxed we would all be if we just spend more time stoping and listening
to one another. At any rate, it would keep me from wanting to drive to work with a high caliber hand gun on the passenger seat.

I hope you all are well and wish you very happy and healthy holiday seasons!

Cheers,
JJ

Moonshine Monday...

Ok...

Were gonna open this bitch up as if I haven't not posted since we invaded the rest of the world.

I'd love to say I've been busy beating the women off with a stick
or just busy with the women
hell, I'd like to say I've just been busy beatin' off...

but none of that would be true.

Work has been consuming the majority of my time and energy and when those to things are not
sucking on me like a bus station hooker, I can usually be found reading, playing video games or
wasting mind-boggling amounts of time on the internet. (Oddly enough...not updating this blog)

However in addition to all of this frivolous time wastage, there has been some introspection and
after thought. When it all comes down to it, the answer I have been looking for is simple.

I have to leave Rhode Island.

Plain and simple.

While I do love it here, realistically, I'm never going to be more than a wage slave here. Now, I may
move to another state and still be a wage slave, but I will be building equity in a place that I don't
hate living in. I place that is possible to heat in the winter and maybe, just maybe a place that
will afford me the room for an in-ground pool and greenhouse.

Am I asking too much? I don't think so. I mean fresh fruit and veggies and the ability to puddle
around in the pool in the summer, are these lofty goals? Should they require the same work as
amassing a king's ransom or winning the McDongle's version of monopoly? I think not.

So... in short, this Red Sox lovin' yankee is heading south of the mason dixon...hopefully sooner
rather than later.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Early AM rambling...

Working nights has really messed with my sleep schedule. Being someone who is used to being
up for 6:00 AM or 0:dark-thirty, as it's known in these parts, working 3-11pm is somewhat of a major
pain in the ass. The working part is not bad, boring but not bad. However, either sleeping until work,
or waking up and waiting to go to work is for the birds.

I've been reading a little. I am about 30 minutes away from finishing the second installment of The Odd
Thomas story, Forever Odd, by Dean Koontz. I know...I know...brain candy but I love Dean and he is one
of the few writers who I can pretty much count on to not disappoint. Ice Bound, is another story, but it was
early on in his career, and let's be honest, who hasn't stumbled out of the gate a few times.

I've also jumped into, My Life, by William Jefferson Clinton. Yeah, now that it's out in paperback and now
that I have no social life, there seems no better time than the present. I am about four or five chapters in
and I have to admit I am surprised at how well Wild Bill paints pictures of his childhood. I don't feel I have
read enough to give more of a critique than that but to be honest, I still think Bill is a good man, and one
I would have no qualms about being proud to call my president.

In other news...

My computer is beyond effed up again. Apparently the trouble this time is my own doing. I guess I just
wanted things to work and as we all know, I can't have nice things. So, if I come into some money, I will
pay more $$$ on my student loans. If I come into some more money, than more $$$ will go into my online
savings account. And if by chance I hit the lottery, well then I will just by a mac powerbook and forget all of
this windows tomfoolery.

I made another awesome vegan chili. Mostlikely I will drop some off to my dad later on today. Mom has never
been a fan of chili, mexican or indian food so as far as my vegan cooking goes, for the most part she might be
SOL.

Please feel free to drop off any recommendations for books, cds, or movies. I'm always up for those.
Anything else you might want to say is very welcome too.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Good God, NO!

I've been working a lot of nights, which in addition to the damage it has done to my sleep schedule, has also put a little
bit of a hole in my social life, or lack thereof. However, friday night I managed to make it out to the local beereteria for a
drink or two with the buddies. The one thing I learned friday is this: If you are fortunate to be with someone you like, maybe
even love...hold onto them for dear life. I ran into some people I don't even like to associate with at work. I don't know, for me,
spending time with women who get into fistfights with men for the fun of it.....yeah, I'm all set.

So after I pulled the old, "I have to take a shit, I'll be right back..." and moved two feet to the left, the almost fun started again.
A few jokes were told and some football was watched and then it happened. I ran into girls I knew in GRADE SCHOOL.
At this point, I am cursing my luck and scanning the bar for the Candid Camera cameras, the real world crew or even Satan himself.
There were conversations about the hell we all endured, what a raging bitch my mom was in the classroom (and to be fair, in the classrooom,
mom took absolute zero shit) and how even the boy in the wheelchair dissed them. Then we talked about the school bus and how kids threw
gum in their hair and spit on them. While I don't wish anyone any pain. At some point you have to let that shit go, or it owns you.
I'm not only the emo club president, I'm also a client.

So...they finished their drinks just as the ugly lights came on (Cue: Semisonic's Closing Time) We walked out and I think I dodged what
would have been the yuckiest three-some in history. For whatever reason, a burrito and classical music seemed like a better option than
a night filled with the kind of sex that's filled with wailing and sobbing and a ton of bodily fluids no one wants to clean up. Yeah, I know,
I'm a jackhole for turning down a three-some and no other man on the planet has ever done that. Things in life have to feel right for this
jackass and to be honest, that was not even close to right. I'm a good guy and as long as I keep that status, I think I can avoid the flames
my tongue sometimes gets me into.

At any rate, I am working again tonight and more importantly missing the Pats/Colts game. I hope your weekend went better than mine.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Yakkity-Yak...

A Belated Happy Birthday to Surly Monkey

Tonight was all kinds of fuckered up. I had to work until 5pm. This in itself is blasphemy but I can't say I minded strolling into work
well rested and showered today.

However, the fact that I had to work late really seemed to throw off my nightly routine. You see when I got home, I had the best
intentions of cooking dinner. I did't know what I was going to cook, but it was going to be something. After dinner, there would
be the mandatory post-meal cleaning and then I was going to try and go cover to cover with Forever Odd. A book I have been waiting
about six months to read because, I am too cheap to buy the hardcover and DK thought it would be funny to push the release date
back till Halloween. Great move, I'm sure the book is going to be waaaaaaaaaay scarier with a Halloween release.

whatever...

So that was the plan. And then I got home, and:

checked the gmail
txt msgd a cowrkr
ate a cookie...needed like an asshole on my elbow
got sleepy, due to the fact the likes to quit early.

So, instead of the aforementioned plan, I:

skipped cooking dinner and wanted to order pizza
took a nappy nap
talked on the phone for a couple of hour with cowrkr
laid out a ton of emotional shit
felt a residual bout of depression coming on and said FUCK THAT
wanted veggie dogs from Spike's
missed that deadline as well
had coffee with W
listened to his story of the breakup and how he will never be emotional again
went to store and picked up some tofu pups
came home and cooked
ate dinner around 12:15am
reading blogs, and listening to B-folds
tofu pups are pretty good
for fake hot dogs
cause in reality,
they are just trying to mimick lips and assholes

work comes early.

I hope you all are well

cheers,
JJ

kc jonzin'...

See the problem with young girls is...

that they are too young to know any better and well...
I'm just to fuckin' old to care at this point in my life.

Last night, I went to the Halloween party of a co-worker and I was not expecting to have a good time.
However, the fact people went to the limit with their costumes, helped to lift my mood and help keep
the party from being a fucking dud.

Dressed as a lumberjack, my intentions were anything but jacking my lumber at the end of the night.

Cause, the only blonde I can deal with was there, roommate to the co-worker.
The target of my erection, er...uh, I mean the object of my affection.
and as usual there was conversation and chatter, me wishing to be the only batter (in her box)
and though we get along like peas and carrots, her roomies think I'm better suited with girls in hairnets
even after explaining at length that blondie can't shatter this heart of glass cause it comes broke...as is.

I asked if her man was riding the rails, or cleanin' the tracks or whatever the fuck he does for choo-choo charley
she looked sad let me know that Thundar the barbarian was in....... Connecticutt
and
if you know anything about
me or RI
you know
I can stand on my front stairs....
and piss into CT

She stares into my eyes and I try not to notice her noticing me notice
she is bothered by boy-friend abscence
but like the French I crumbled like a house of cards in a windstorm
whipped like a trick by the migh-t German...jaegermeister
with whom I'm no longer friends
and
no amount of
miller light
glasses of water
games of beer pong
or handfuls of candy corn
can stop my verbal diahrrea

talking all sorts of candy coated nastiness
promises not threats
to be the guy in presence
as well as in name
rather than putting the trash on the rails before his
true
cause what the fuck is that about
I know we all do what we gotta do
but come now junior
make the paper
without leaving baby in the corner

and despite what roomies say
shes a good person
staying true to her man
who
leaves her alone
like the fat kid at the dance
like single, single moms
like Jesus done by judas

and no amount of txt messages
back rubs
or stolen kisses while
dancing
leaving the house
or wondering why she loves the Hee-Haw
can make it better
so the bandaids have to cover the holes
of emotional hand grenades
I don't have the strength to dive on

There has been...

some nefarious shit going on lately. To the motherfucker who hacked my computer and destroyed my registry...I hope you live long enough to own a 1000 roomed hotel, and be found dead in every one of them.

Thanks for permanantly erasing some of the happiest memories of my life.

Fucking bitch.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Quick note before...

bed. No, I am not dead. I have been here all along and just have not had much to say. I really haven't had to much to complain about other than the mas exodus of fellow employees at work. I am now second in command which, can either be a good or bad thing depending on how one looks at it.

Life with the i-pod is good. Walking to work is good. I'm moving at a snails pace but I think slowly but surely, I am getting my life back on track.

Other developments:
"Welcoming Home the Astronauts" by Flickerstick continues to rock my world.
I have switched to a vegan diet for health and moral reasons. I feel pretty good and I'm going to try and stick this one out.

Words of thanks to Rude Cactus for the crossed fingers.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Can Someone Tell...

me how people like: JFK, MLK & Gandhi get assassinated and yet this hate-mongering cunt is allowed to live?!

Check out the busblog.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Extreme...

I'm defrosting chicken and going to staples. More on my fun-filled life later.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

321...

Paid for three burritos (got two), saw two movies, got one haircut.

Trying to put the breaks on life is like trying to get a good meal at Applebee’s, it just can’t fucking be done. Anytime it seems as though I have any idea as to what is going on in my life, the hands on the clock spin faster than a top, fueled by an eight-year-old with ADHD, on methamphetamine. Lots of irons in the fire right now. Trying to get a new job, trying to get a new business off the ground and most importantly, trying to keep myself sane. You would think sanity would be the easiest of those goals, but when it all comes down to it, sanity…you elude me like Charley Bucket’s golden ticket.

Ok, so maybe that wasn’t the best comparison as Charley did find his golden ticket…eventually. Hopefully eventually, I will find mine as well. Until then I guess I will have to keep reading, seeing movies and typing out the thoughts which may or may not keep me up at night. This week, I saw both Clerks II and Lady in the Water. Unless you are a die-hard Kevin Smith fan, I would opt for LitW first. Clerks II was funny, very funny at some points, but I just felt more satisfied after I came out of M. Night Shyamalan’s latest work.

If anyone has recommendations for books to read or stuff to watch / listen to, I am currently taking suggestions.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Someone's Gotta Do it...

The thing that hurts the most is having to take several hours to shake the cobwebs out in the morning. It could also be that other thing, the fundamental lack of respect, that hurts the second most. Anyone see where I’m going here? Anyone…Mr. McDonald? *tap tap* Is this thing on?

It’s quickly approaching 1pm here and as predicted, it’s hot as balls. This AM after I woke up and then woke up, I went in search of bug death. I normally cringe during any foray into the belly of the beast. The hell that is Home Depot. My one consolation was that I knew what I was looking for, (bug death & lightbulbs) and I was not going to require getting all tangled with some moron trying to sell me a riding lawn mower, “so I could suck the bugs up.” Yes, $1,500.00 is much better than $8. In and out, five minutes tops. It was great. No bs, no nonsense, no hassle. I checked myself out and was on my way.

As with any trip into the holy land of retail, I had to keep coaching myself to not make any unscheduled stops. No Target, Barnes & Noble or EB Games. “But Jackass, you have a B&N gift card. Why not indulge?” Yes, yes I do. I have two in fact, but I also have a sizeable pile of things to read at home and why create more clutter for myself? Library yo, LIBRARY!!!

I left retail hell and went to deposit my check from work. By that point it was almost 12:30 and I had to consume more than the mouthful of H2O I needed to take my pills this morning. I stopped in to a favorite old café, Café Such a Bagel. One low-carb spinach and garlic bagel and a decaf iced coffee later, I was back in the f-1 and on my way. I used to try and lie to myself. I told myself that decaf was just as tasty as the real thing. I am now going to publicly admit, that this is a falsehood. Decaf sucks, almost as much as Courtney Love.

This afternoon I am going on bug reconnaissance and then there will be some more reading, drinking of water and possibly some video games. I’m not sure what’s going on, I might not be able to fit all of that in.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Tonight I got...

reacquainted with reading. It’s been a while. So today, after work, dinner and a brisk walk, I sat down and for the most part read Chuck Klosterman’s, “Killing Yourself to Live” cover to cover. It’s not a life changing book but since reading, “Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs” I wanted to see what else was available. KYtL was like having many long, long conversations with someone, while pulling bong rips of really good dope. You knew you were enjoying the conversation, but you were never really sure where it was going or what the hell was being said at any given time.

This is not to say I didn’t enjoy the book, I did. I think Chuck’s portrayal of West Warwick, RI and the great white incident are (for lack of a better term) dead on. It left me feeling justified in thinking no matter how many fucking charity shows great white plays, Jack Russle is still an asshole. You made enough money to tour year round for free off of, “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” why not kick some of that loot to the families of the deceased?

Klosterman’s books are largely walks down his own memory lane. I’m not sure why but I find the fact he can intertwine his life with pop culture and society intriguing. If I didn’t, there really would be nothing else to draw me to his writing. His seemingly never-ending, treasure trove of yarns involving getting drunk, denied by the unreturned love of the week, all while ripping on hipster assholes who dig cocaine and the latest Interpol record, remind me why I have always thought of SPIN as a pretentious / bullshit music magazine. All things music being subjective, ripping Interpol but deifying everything Jack White does, just does not compute in my universe.

What the fuck am I saying? Did I like it, did I hate it? I’m looking it this evening as one where I was able to forget about my television for awhile. I was able to not be mired in the fact I would love to be watching the history or food channel but that I lack the necessary income to afford these “premium” channels. I was able to not spend the night implementing my television in my video game geekery. I was able to spend the night feeding my head…and that’s ok too.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Not Subway...

Sometimes stuff around here gets so weird, I don’t know which end is up. Today consisted of weather reports telling me it was going to be hotter than summer in the Sahara in August. In case that’s not hot enough, someplace really fucking hot, is what I was told life is going to be like for the next week or so.

At any rate, heat of that caliber, while not being great fat-guy weather, is awesome for producing some ass-kicking thunder storms. Jackass is a huge fan of the T-storms, so even though I may knock on death’s door due to dehydration, the sound and the fury should be worth the price of admission.

Recockulously easy day at work today, one can never have too many of those. While I didn’t have to shoot, kung-fu or rescue any other member of the team, I did have to stay awake. Sometimes when it’s hot and you’re walking the yard, it’s tough to keep the lids on your eyes open. Especially when your sunglasses are “the good kind.” Word on the street is that we’re getting a repeat offender in next week sometime. While I will be in hand-to-hand training all week, I do know this particular individual and this could be the end of our dry spell. For the most part, J-Unit has been pretty quiet, but when it rains it pours. Or maybe it doesn’t as the meteorologists in this area don’t know their ass from page four.

I got home from work and spent time with a good book on the deck. While I read, I was torn in two different directions due to someone banging the latest lil Jon diddy about 4 blocks away. As I turned pages to fingers being snapped, someone a few yards over had fired up the stove and was, I assume…metalsmithing.

The repetitive clank-clank-clank for the better part of three hours, coupled with the smell of burning wood clued me into the fact the revolution is upon us and it will be fought with a two-handed, bastard sword (+5) damage / no saving throw. A little silly but it’s the small things which give you a chuckle and keep you from fire-bombing Starbucks.

I just gorged on a chicken Caesar pita from some chain I am ashamed to mention and I have to admit, it was very tasty. That having been said, I need to grab the i-pod and go for a walk.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,

JJ

Tired...

That's all I can say. Today I woke up late, struggled at work to stay awake and when I came home, slept from 4pm until almost 10. Now here I sit, blogging away minutes from bed, and I'm sure I will have no problem falling asleep.

...even after a large iced coffee and two spicy chicken burritos. I know, my late night eating habits are not the best, but at least I didn't consume the red velvet desert heaven that are, "twinkies, dipped in the blood of our lord Jesus Christ." At least that's what I was told buy one convenience/gas station attendant. Apparently as an employee bonus, you get to huff as much of the gas as you want.

Yeah, the whole sleeping thing, I think it is just a combination of my medicine and the fact that I have been waking up at 4am for the past few nights. I don't know what the deal is with 4am but my body seems to think it's the opportune time to fuck with me via; having to take a raging piss, or cramps so bad in my calfs or shins that I pray for death. At any rate, I'm pretty sure I won't have to deal with that tonight.

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

Dear God,

Please help me to have a better tomorrow than today. Give me the strength I need to get through work and to keep me safe. If these medications are ment to help, please help them kick in faster.

love,
jimmy

Fun...

Hey, Happy July everyone! I figured I would stop by and see how things are going. Seems as though I haven't been posting much, and well if you've been keeping up with the box score, I think you might have an idea as to why.

Anywhoo...

Yesterday was the great day of nation's independence. Yes, the same nation who lies to us and taps our phones, reads our emails and generally tells us what we should read, see and think. What a wonderfully independent country. *sigh*

Last Saturday night I went out with el capitan, d-lo, kc(d-lo's roommate) and the princess. There were cocktails, dancing and goodtimes had by all. Yes, even by me. kc and I talked most of the night, as the other three rambled on about work, and who the fuck wants to talk shop when you are out having a good time? We danced & drank and danced some more. Some of our friends from the North came in wearing hockey equipment and Canadian flags. kc and I took a break from shaking our groove-thing and she went and talked hockey, scored free drinks and flirted some.

This gave me ample time to have a few cocktails, dance with the princess and perpetuate the over non-anxious-i-thought-this-was-gonna-suck-but-it-doesn't feeling. el capitan was doing his best imiation of a guy trying to dance and not look like a jackass. the princess was trying to help him out, but as we all know, some causes are better off lost. The club closed and we all began the drunken stumble back to d-lo & kc's apartment. The walk was filled with hand-holding and talking non-sense and in my haze, I realized the old adage is true. When you are not looking for someone, you will find them. And if at the time they happen to be involved with someone who, their roommates think is less than perfect, then you are required to steal her away from him.

GAME ON.

And so begins my quest for the damsel in distress.










I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

It's 11:35 and...

I can't even choose a song to blog to. I suppose shuffle would have been a good idea but then again when you are listening to something mello and then Metallica comes up in the mix, that kind of fucks everything up now, doesn't it?

It's day two of better living through science, at least that's what I've been told. Both of the medical professionals I have seen believe I suffer from Dysthymia. Which from what I've read, lasts much longer and has more cases of suicide than your normal depression. Fan-fucking-tastic.

The drugs are making my stomach upset, and this will be par for the course at least for two weeks. I won't even notice a difference until about a month in...Excellent.

Tell me again how this is better than walking around in a gloomy mood?

I hope you all are well.

Cheers,
JJ

This weekend has...

been nothing but rain and more rain. I was going to try and tame the back yard but since half of it is under water...wtf is the point. Two more days of work and then two days off. I can't decide what to do. I want to go and see the davinci code but since my parents are going to a conference in Philly, they are leaving Buster, the wonderhound with me.

It will be good to have my dog around again but at the same time, he's old and gets nervous (pees all over) when he is alone for any stretch of time. Maybe I will have to scratch this weekend too and just spend some hound-dog time. *Sigh* no worries, it's not like I don't have books to read. My only concern is that my doctor appointment is on wednesday morning and I'm wondering if the meds I am sure to be prescribed are going to make me all sick and bajiggity.

I hope you all are well.
Cheers,
JJ

P.S. Tony Pierce has a sweet video of Stevie Wonder breaking it down on his site.

Dont Bother Me

He's a dork granted...but that dude can break it down.